full of compromise, turn taking, and just existing and being present!
Sarah was home early from school and she and I made dinner together
She is a lot of fun in the kitchen! And amazingly helpful!
The day continued on in a good way, it ended in a good way....
And today started early, 4:00am with brownie crumbs all over the carpet
but things were okay..... just doing the things we need to do in the morning to get everyone off to work and school
and things continued to be doing fine, until he snapped!
Something out his DS and internet, and blah blah blah.. not sure and then the throwing began
and more throwing of objects at me, and the computer (which BTW seems to be having trouble now, not the one I'm currently using- but my computer- ugh!)
more objects to throw, him laying in "fight position" me reminding him of our lovely talk we had yesterday regarding his question "why do you have to pin me down?"
that's what he calls restraint, which I reminded him it's when his body is out of control and he is either going to hurt himself, or one of us, or he is going to be destroying our property!
It was a nice conversation and I was able to remind him, since he was in such a nice calm state, that we wouldn't have to do that if he stayed in control of himself and his behavior and when asked to go to the hammock or dog bed to "calm down" and he followed through with the request- then he doesn't need restraint....
I hate restraint.... he's getting so big that it's so hard, and really you're supposed to have 2 people - but I"m home alone so what option.
Yep, locked myself in rooms many times, yep, called Brian home because I couldn't gain control of him, and yep every avenue possible is explored in a blink of an eye and the quick check of the situation and what's the best scenario for me to be safe and for him to be safe......... I'm almost certain most other people have no idea what this is like.
What it's like to have a child who can rage and become so aggressive and destructive...... usually in a blink of an eye!
To say it's hard and sucks, just doesn't even come close!
And yet, underneath all of that is this most amazing intelligent gifted, boy
who we love and adore, but those behaviors are hard to deal with!
So, back to today after a wonderful yesterday........ yep, objects, kicking, and me trying to gain control of him to stop further behavior
Yes, ultimately things calm down, ultimately he's remorseful, ultimately he just fell asleep!
But I have to admit, after something like this, I"m mad!
'm frustrated, I'm sent right back into a bad place because I almost feel tricked!
He's in a good place today, why is he doing this?
Why did he flip, and there was no indication, no subtle hints to say "he's off a bit"
nothing...... and I guess the no warning is hard for me.... it catches me off guard, and I like to let my guard down!
Living with my guard up is awful, not natural, and exhausting........ and it's not good for me or anyone else in my family!
but I have to admit, it makes getting through a situation like the one that came up this morning, easier (if I can even say easier!)
I think it has to do with the jump in emotion, jump into a mode that is a bit like survival myself.... do what I need to to protect myself, my son, our belongings, (which is so not that important but at the same time it escalates behaviors if we don't try to eliminate property destruction..... )
bottom line.... I hate it, I hate when behaviors over take him, I hate that he struggles so much and I can't do a damn thing about it 98% of the time... why was he mad?
I don't know....
and nothing is ever worth the reaction that he has!
But it's over, I will let it go
I will continue on with the day as if it didn't happen, we will bake some bread today, we will play games, we will interact and laugh today!
We will move to the next moments and not look back
we will do out best to enjoy the rest of our day, together!
Because, it was just one moment out of many many....
and I will do my best to not let it distract me from enjoying the good moments with my little guy!
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