I give fair warning when my time will be up. It's Monday, I have my laundry list which includes laundry of my chores to do. I don't have a house cleaner. I don't have a cook. Among many other things, like a lot of moms and dads, I do those things. Some how I try to fit it in between activities with Ty through out the day. So my time was coming up for me to stop playing football and go tackle my chores. He negotiates. He asks for the last play and touch down. I agree. He did ask nicely! That's functional language. I knew it would only be about 3 more minutes. So perfect. We make the last play- touch down T bone (that's his nick name... when he and dad are playing football!)
Then something happens. Not sure exactly what. Something between he and the behaviorist. He is upset and talking rudely to her. Still not sure what the issue was, but the reality is there usually isn't- he makes an issue of most things and that's just how things are. But he storms off, throws the football at her- it lands across the street. And says he is going to lock us out. Fine, I have a house key- as I literally always have my purse on my at all times. So he proceeds to lock us out- but that's alright- we just hang out in front yard. And then he approaches us with a screw driver. Trying to threaten us. Trying to say he is in control. We ignore it- we call this posturing. Kind of like a wild animal- puffing himself up to appear bigger then reality. He starts to just fiddle with the screw driver- we again ignore him and continue on our business. There are the times that I can tell he means way more serious business. And then there are the times I can tell he's not really that upset and out of control and will recover quickly. Because in the end he wants our attention. He needs our attention. And in deed, he literally flips the switch and wants to "do something". He walks across the street on his own to get his football that he threw. Good- we didn't even have to ask. That's part of our behavior plan- he needs to "pick up, clean up or get get" whatever was thrown, etc during a behavior. We all go inside- he and A the behaviorist decide to bake something. They decide on Zucchini bread- of course DF and GF. Perfect- great calming activity for him. I gardened a little bit while they were busy at work in the garden. He's laughing, he's talking, he's asking questions about the next step. This is going great!
The rest of the day goes pretty much as well as this last part of the morning. It was great. He even did a little better today during the transition of Sarah coming home. He eventually fell asleep- again. The days things go well, it's usually a 2 nap day. It's hard to stay focused, on task, be flexible, communicate. It's pretty exhausting to a little system.
He wakes up, daddy is home now. He wants to play football with daddy, as they do everyday after work. This is the routine- and it's an expectation for sure by Ty. But Brian is a trooper and enjoys the time as well. But Ty decides he 's too tired to play, so they come inside to watch the football game. Well, this change even though Ty wanted to do it. It was his idea because he was too tired. About 20 minutes later, he decides he wants to play outside. But Brian has settled in, he's riding the exercise bike watching the game on TV. Ty was watching too. This is when things get hard. He has a difficult time sustaining a focus, or he'll go into major hyper focus. But the rest of us don't operate that way. It's tiring trying to keep up with his pace. Especially in the evening when all things are winding down. And so his focus went back to wanting to play outside. They didn't. Ty started in with behaviors. Unfortunately it did escalate pretty rapidly, requiring restraint. When he becomes aggressive and destructive- this is the only thing we can do to prevent someone from getting hurt. He had punched me in the arm, blaming me for Brian not wanting to switch activities. I"m usually the scapegoat for things. He gets mad at the behaviorists, it's my fault. He gets mad at Brian, it's my fault. He gets mad at pretty much ANYTHING, it's my fault. Good thing I love him:)
So, after about 45 minutes of the behavior, sobbing, crying, angry, all the different emotions. He calms down. We continue about our evening as if it didn't happen. Because this is just what things are like. When he's calmed down enough, the world just carries on. When he's in the middle of the behavior, it feels like the world stops for a period of time. Not to the girls- they continue on as if nothing is happening. That's how numb they are to his behaviors and meltdowns. And believe me, if anyone else heard the screaming, yelling, crying that he does, you would think we were torturing the kid. But we're not- we're simply just trying to help him gain control of his body so that he can continue on with the day.
So when it was over, it was over. We had dinner. He went on the potty actually really well. He watched the Dog Whisperer. And soon it's bedtime for all! Tomorrow will be another day, but I have to admit- I'm just praying for that one day we get through the ENTIRE day without hitting, kicking, throwing, threatening, major meltdown behaviors. Just one day- it feels like it's been a long time- honestly it has, since school is in session. So I'm hoping to go one day without the behaviors. A perfect day- no such thing. Just a day that he is calm enough to just cope with all the things that bother him and frustrate him. A day that he is flexible enough to get through the difficult moments that he finds so challenging. A day that we go from sunrise to sunset without the craziness that usually controls our world.
Just one day!
And if I ask for one day, I'll probably want another, and then another. Just like the story "If you give a pig a pancake". But let's just start with one.
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