Resting up before the big night.....

halloween begins at 3AM!!!!

Why is it every time there is some sort of SPECIAL DAY.... my kid always is up not even at the crack of dawn.

That I wouldn't mind-

but no, he's up at 3:00 in the morning!!!!

So not a very sleepful night and it's still Halloween Day!

This is a very important day in my kids book.

Big deal holiday!

So where to start.... well 3am, have little one home with croup, which means she's not so sick she can't have fun with her brother.

She's just coughing all over everything- which for the first time in a very very long time, he doesn't mind and doesn't tell her she's gross and to go away (because he doesn't want her germs). Hey, good moment!

It's once again a good Pokemon playing day between those two.

Again, another good moment.

He's on to costume idea, I think number 6. He say's he'll finally decide by 5:00pm.

Maybe he will :)

They carved pumpkins today- Ty did his with 4 different faces- and he scooped his own guts.

Another good moment.

Sarah carved her very first pumpkin. And she loves the guts. But now that she is 6 I let her use the carving tools- she loved feeling like a big kid.

Another good moment.

Then when Sarah seemed to be having some problems with her carving, Ty came over and offered her help.

She happily accepted and loved working on her pumpkin together.

Another good moment.

Oh and earlier this morning, Sarah needed to take a medicine that as she says "is so yucky".

And she refused and refused.... and then Ty came over and offered her support, encouragement and offered her at first 3 of his Pokemon cards, then upped it to 5 Pokemon cards.

Now, this had to have been one of the biggest moments I've seen in a very long time.

This was quite amazing and quite moving.

So with this amazing full of great moments day, I still realize it's Halloween.

And wonder what will the evening time bring?

Trick or treating, yes... and is usually a very interesting experience. Put it this way, we don't go very far and he usually calls it quiting time very early on- it's not about getting more candy- it's usually about now it's getting dark.

Oh and yes we are the one's that are out trick or treating before it's even dark.

So no idea what this year will bring.

For us, after trick or treating the little block we do, what is hard on nights like this is the routine of his potty time.

He's so rigid at what time he will cooperatively go on, but nights like this really throw things off.

Luckily he is taking a nap right now as we speak, and especially since he was up so early, that is a good thing.

It may just get us through the rest of the day without too much distress, just maybe!?

But as our days recently have been quite full of good moments, there are still hard moments, just so many darn good moments...

will this all end tonight? Will this be the end of our good run?

Will we wake up early no doubt tomorrow morning and have a different kid looking at us?

Will he become too dysregulated with all this Halloween stuff that he won't be able to recover and move past all the sensory overload that will occur?

Will he regress back to challenging behaviors, aggression, property destruction, and complete disorganization in his body and soul that it causes him to spiral back down the dark tunnel we just seemed to have climbed out of?

Well, no idea, I pray and hope we don't, that he doesn't, and that he is able to stay in control of his body and organize himself enough to get through all this experience and wake up tomorrow morning having felt rested, happy, and regulated enough to stay in control of his body and thoughts and be the kid that we know he truly is.

The kid that we have been able to see the past few weeks, the kid that has been so happy, engaging, funny, joyful, and full of life.

The kid that offered his little sister 5 Pokemon cards if she took her medicine when she was scared.

The kid that smiles a lot more than being angry and just sad.

My kid..... in his true self!

My 2 cubs in the hammocks......

A beautiful sibling moment is such a blessing.........

Even though I have little one home due to a cough, I'm just smiling with joy right now.

Ty and Sarah are playing some card game and all I hear is nice positive words of encouragement and kindness when one loses.

Wow, Ty just told Sarah "even though you lost, look yours has a fairy on it, so cool."

Sarah just said, "I want you to win this one Ty."

Are these my kids? Seriously???

Man, I actually feel like a good mom who can just sit and relax and enjoy watching her children play together.

You have no idea how good that feels. Usually I'm just waiting with anxiety of WHEN the explosion will happen when Ty tries to interact with siblings. Because it always ends in not a good way.

My husband and I are such an amazing team. Because trust me, this isn't easy- in fact

Our greatest of days still don't allow us to do things as a family, we still don't leave our home environment, and we still deal with things that to others would be a major deal

but to us, and what we have dealt with those are just small pebbles falling off the bigger stone.

It's when it's a major rock slide that life gets way more difficult and absolutely challenges our patience, our parenting skills, our true being.

The small pebbles in our world, well I guess it just comes with the territory of parenting a child with Autism and all his complicating co-morbidities. (That means all his other medical issues)...

But as I keep saying, I'm enjoying each and every one of these special moments that I"m so thankful I get to witness.

This is my boy.

This is the boy God intended him to be- and he was given to us because He knew we would nurture him, love him, and do everything in our power here on Earth to help him, to give him a joyful life (even if we give a new definition to what a joyful life looks like),

and we would love him absolutely unconditionally even in the toughest of times.

He has taught us so much- more than I could have ever imagined learning from my child.

He is a blessing.

And a moment like this watching Sarah and Ty play, reminds me of this. This is a wonderful moment and a true blessing indeed!

Check out this sleep picture of the day......

I so wish I could sleep anywhere anyway.

In fact, today- I'm just tired. Ever have a day where your alarm goes off- and pretty much that is the last thing you want to hear.

Because I was not ready to start my day today, and I've been dragging ever since.

Is it bedtime yet?

Sensory Signals.....

"What is a sensory signal? A sensory signal is a hint, clue, or indicator given by a child's behavior or reaction to the environment or surroundings. This includes a child's reaction to social interaction or communication. When one understands a child's sensory signals, it becomes more natural and clear as to how to enrich the environment with the right sensory tools and strategies."-Angie Voss, OTR http://asensorylife.com/sensory-signals.html

Worth it!

Sunday was day one of a med change. Day went fine.

That's good news.

With the exception of the 3rd night in a row of my little guy waking up at 4 or 4:30am- being awake for about an hour and a half then going back to bed.

It's hard to sleep when you know he's awake, fixing something in the kitchen, moving about the house.

You just don't really sleep until you know he's settled.

But at least we can't contribute the waking in the middle of the night to the change in meds. He was doing this before we changed the meds. This is just him during periods of time-

So a few positive experiences we've had the past few days with our little guy: 1.He asked daddy to read to him Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at bedtime.

Unheard of- and he picked a Magic Tree House, Hero Dogs book. WoW!

If he wants to be read to (which is so rare to begin with )it's always a dog care book, a book on animal facts, or some sort of sports statistics/fact book.

So this was awesome to hear him ask for a book and then to be different then his "usual" - it's just a wow moment for us as parents! (aka less rigid, more flexible, more open to something different- yes!!!)

So onto the second positive experience: He read out loud to me the Pokemon Trading Card instruction sheet. With no help, with pure confidence, and it was amazing. I just smiled the entire time while I listened to him read words like reveal, evolution, declare, additional, section, opponent, enough, knocked. Again, no words: just WOW!

So thirdly : and this by far is one of my favorite because it is probably what has help contribute to these other positive experiences. We've been learning more about something called Yogapeutics. I"m loving it! I learned about it from the "A Sensory Life" website by Angie Voss, OTR. I love her information, suggestions, and experiences working with kids with Sensory Processing Disorder.

On her website she has introduced this new technique that a friend of hers in Austin, TX has developed.

It's called Yogapeutics- and it's using a hammock and specific aerial yoga moves that she has specifically designed for kids. She herself is an Occupational Therapist, and all I can say is wow!

This Yogapeutics is just what my child needs- so he's been trying some moves. One is called the hanging monkey.

Last night before bed, he was a bit overly excited, having a hard time calming down for bedtime. So he asked me if I would watch him do some Yoga moves in the hammock.

Ummm Yeah!

This is awesome... pure and simply awesome!

For a kid who struggles so much with everyday tasks, with regulating his body enough to participate in our family, a kid who simply cannot exist outside the home environment due to his nervous system jumping straight into "fight or flight"-

a kid where the world challenges him so much that it becomes dangerous for him either because of fleeing or fighting. Both suck!

And he wanted to hang upside down, in a hammock, that is compressing his body, hugging it all over, inverting his head, compressing his spine. So much good stuff I just am giddy with pride and joy for him.

This is nothing new for us, with the exception of his cooperation. His willingness to participate in activities that we know will help his body. Activities that will help him be more regulated. Movements that provide the proper inputs to his body to calm his nervous system, which then allows him to participate in the world around him. WE KNOW ALL THIS....we just have a hard time getting him to do these things. And the more dysregulated he is, the less likely he is to respond and cooperate. It's such a horrible cycle that goes round and round, getting worse and worse.

Until we shut the external world out and close down the bubble and get back to absolute focus on what will help his body and help calm his system.

He doesn't know any of this- he only responds either positive or negative. This is what makes things so challenging during those more difficult days. But with out bubble, zipped tight, this kind of activity- perfect!

< And he smiles every time he's doing it. These are the kind of times that I know we are doing right by him, despite the lack of understanding from the general public (which at this point we are so over anyways).

We know our child, we know what helps him, we don't care if "you" don't understand. (you is the judgmental people that are close and far, who feel they know but yet have no clue..... you know the type! ) :) When we see this happy, joyful, excited about life kid : yeah it's all worth it!

Now of course this is the week of Halloween.... gosh I hope we can get through this week without too much regression and without major incidents. Halloween typically is not a sensory friendly holiday....... :0

A new day brings day one of med change.......

Well, I hope our good run we have going on isn't going to go down the drain.

It's day one of a medication change.

Not a big change, but at the same time can absolutely backfire and run him into the ground.

It's probably the only medication that I can honestly say is helpful and effective for him.

Some of the others, well you just never quite know, especially now that he's not trying to attend school, not trying to go out in the community (because the meds didn't do anything anyway for these situations.

We find the only true helpful thing is limiting his exposure to environmental changes. That by far has been the most effective thing we've done. The meds did nothing for him while in school. The meds do nothing for him when he's exposed to too many changes, too many external stimuli, too many "unknowns", too many challenges to his nervous system.

But when we are in a good pattern as we have been.... you just hate doing anything different, hate knowing there will be challenges ahead and not knowing if he is in a "good enough" place to handle the challenge, use his coping skills , not flip into fight or flight. Which for him is literally in a blink of an eye!

So today brings a bit of anxiety, a bit of walking on egg shells, and more unknown than we've known the past week.

Especially since it's also the week of Halloween. That alone is a nervous systems nightmare!!

The challenges, the anxiety, the fears, the sensory overload, the unknowns. If you have a sensory child, you know what I am talking about.

But I'm also optimistic. I'm hopeful. I"m praying that this change in med doesn't cause major regression.

Changing meds can be so difficult- especially when you have a kid who never responds the way that is anticipated. A kid who needs doses that always surprises the doctor's for the med to be even a little effective.

A kid who also isn't able to take the appropriate dose of certain meds to achieve the medical effect intended, due to side effects. It's just not easy.

It's truly an individual art that is through trial and error.

But for us, those trial and errors can make days, even weeks absolutely intolerable due to behavioral problems.

So I pray that this one change doesn't send us back to difficult days. I pray that the change is a good change. I pray for my little guy!

Two words........ Caramel apples.... (of course dairy free!)

Nothing speaks fall like cool air, sunshine, and home made caramel apples.

Took some tweaking of the recipe- but it turned out yummy.

We sat as a family in our front yard around a wood log that was holding apple pieces and caramel sauce.

We all sat there, hmmming and oohing over the taste.

It was a nice family moment.

It's been quite a nice family Saturday.

My oldest and I spent some good quality mommy daughter time. Feels like it's been a while.

It was a very nice morning with her, walking around downtown.

My amazing hubby cleaned the house while we were out.

Ty has done a good job of being in the moment, being calm, just being a little boy.

Even the way the day started off, well, was about as sweet as those caramel apples.

Doesn't get much better than this........this one is tucked into my memory vault!

my new Cello music.......2Cellos

I just discovered 2Cellos..... love their music.

I love With or Without you, Every Breath you take...... Highway to Hell

Check them out- very cool music.

A moment of laughter........

I guess I don't mind that it was at my expense...

. Hearing Ty, Megan and Daddy just laughing.

You know that deep belly laugh, the kind where you almost can't catch your breath!

That kind of belly laugh.

Pretty much was music to my ears....

and I don't mind that it was something about me.... I can handle it if it makes them all feel silly together!

It's not a usual sound in this house....... so bring on the silliness!

Do you have a memory vault?

I have little one home today- severe constipation.

Have I mentioned she has her own bowel issues- that are pretty severe, just not as severe as her brothers.

She had her first colonoscopy when she was one- which showed inflammation, allergic reaction, and other irregular looking stuff (it's been so long I forget all the terms used). Anyway- because she had blood in her stool for almost the first year of her life- and then when she started solid foods-

she literally STOPPED pooping.

So after figuring things out with her, she too has wheat/gluten allergies, dairy allergies, can't have nectarines, apricots and peaches, pears.

And without daily miralax (which is a powder laxative)her bowels don't move. I knew she was going to have some problems this week too.

She hasn't been drinking her mix of it with apple juice the last 2 mornings. It's not as easy on school days. And sure enough- things are not moving.

If you have never had a kid with constipation on any level, well be glad. It's really not fun, it's so sad, and you are so helpless trying to soothe them.

Anyways, so she's home trying to poop (that might be too much information but poop is not a shameful word in our household :)

So she's home and the behaviorist didn't come today- so it's the three of us today!

We've baked cinnamon raisin bread- in the bread machine (Ty insisted). Boy does our house smell GOOD!

They wanted to have a picnic lunch. Sarah even put on special picnic clothes (she had some idea in her head, you know 6 year olds).

They set out a blanket in the front yard and enjoyed our picnic lunch together. It was very nice.

It's a wonderful, warm, but not too warm, sunny fall day. It's been a long time since I've had lunch with these two kiddos, now that Sarah eats lunch at school. And they worked together and agreed on this picnic idea and how to set it up. I love this!

Then after the picnic, I brought out some halloween crafts, glitter paint, and put them on the wood logs out in the front for some crafty time.

Sarah got to work right away.

Ty got very excited over the idea, and started "collecting" things to use for the craft. Then here he comes with the bucket of odds and ends and begins making a pulley system.

He had it set up on the grass to bring a snack from one end to the other. It took a few tries, but he got it. My little engineer!

And then I just paused for a moment.

I wanted to freeze frame this moment- this moment that was so lovely for me.

Sarah sitting on the grass, making different halloween crafts, using noodles, glitter paint, stickers, other items she put together. It was nice.

Then I glanced over to Ty. He was working so hard on this pulley system. Trying to perfect his idea. Trying to make this "thing" he's building do what he had in his mind.

He focused, he concentrated, he studied it, he tried this and tried that.

He didn't give up. He didn't get frustrated. He didn't stop until he was finished and satisfied with what he had built.

Then he called me over and asked me if I wanted a snack.

And coming down this pulley in the front yard was a granola bar hanging from the string- coming closer to me while he manually pulled the pulley around and around.

How cool is that!

This was lovely too. So I was sure to keep this picture of my kids doing these activities, enjoying this lovely fall afternoon in such a peaceful, calm, very satisfied way. This was wonderful to witness.

This one is locked in my memory vault!

A+ way to end the day...........

Definitely the way to end the day on this beautiful fall evening.

As my husband was saying how many others are out and about, enjoying the evening other ways.....it's Farmer's Market night in our town, going for walks, eating out.....

But we get to enjoy this lovely evening, in our own backyard, enjoying the calm, happy, sharing moments that our family so rarely gets.

It's a nice way to end this Wednesday.

Together!

Sleep picture of the day......

Regulated boy= sharing with sisters=happy momma

Ty and the behaviorist made some amazing peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies (GF and DF of course).

They were crunchy on the outside, gooey on the inside, and just hmm hmm good!

Ty requested before hand that he would like to save them for him and daddy to eat in the man cave.

I said that would be fine. With the agreement that he not "flaunt" these cookies in his sisters face. (as he usually does).

He practiced with me of what he would say in case they asked. That was so great, and I just told him to not worry I would let the girls know of our agreement.

When Sarah came home from school, without me even knowing, he offered her half of a cookie.

He didn't want her to have a whole cookie since they were so big (which they were)and he didn't want her to get a tummy ache.

Now that is just sweet!

Then came time for Megan to come home from school. She of course saw the cookies and simply asked if she could have one.

I said not right now (Ty was actually taking a nap and I didn't want to offer one to her without letting Ty know.)

I told her to just wait till he wakes up and then she can ask him.

I was outside in the backyard and Megan came up to me and said that Ty offered her half a cookie.

I smiled- even though he originally didn't want to share the cookies with the girls, he still did.

Nobody asked him to, nobody said he had to, nobody but his true self thought to share them. I was so proud of him.

This is a happy momma moment.

My boy did well.....

My boy has done pretty well today considering yesterday!

He hadn't left our home environment in almost four weeks. But we needed to pick up daddy after his endoscopy. Luckily his behavior, his coping, his ability to at least co-regulate has been much better recently.

Probably or more accurately -because we haven't left our house... that's what ultimately helps him to be able to be the joyful, happy, calmer, more regulated little boy that he truly is.

But we had to leave this environment. That's just how things are sometimes, despite our best efforts.

We did though- he did it. It wasn't easy, trust me. First thing he said was we need to stop and buy daddy a toy.

Now as sweet as that is...... it's a HUGE SIGNAL : this is what happens- his obsession comes up and it's all about 'BUYING'.... no idea why- but this is what for years has gone on- whenever we get in the car- and behaviors occur because of it (or because of lack of satisfying this obsession I should say

So at first thought it could start to go bad quickly- he had Sadie on his lap- which is good and I 100% ignored his "obsessive thoughts, and requests"

and quickly turned the subject back to Sadie..... phew... conflict averted for the moment.

Now let's just get through this...... and we did.

But with that day behind us...........

I had no idea what today was going to bring.

I never know what the day will bring.

But we left our house.... this could turn sour quickly. However, it's been pretty okay.

And even with the one little behavior he did have, he didn't aggress further.

In fact, he chilled out- I waited him out and ultimately it was all settled.

That pretty much never happens ....... when he starts in with a behavior, it almost always continues with further aggression and behaviors where we have to HELP HIM CALM DOWN! (So that we or he doesn't get hurt)

That's a pretty big deal in my " parenting a child with severe behaviors who can't leave our home environment book"!

Sweet little whimpers......

I just got to experience the sweetest moment.

Ty, Sadie and Oliver all asleep together on the dog bed, right beside me

Ty rarely strays far from my side. He "likes"/"needs" to always be in our physical presence.

So as I was getting fun ideas for the day, drinking my coffee, sitting at the computer with these cute 3 at my side I hear a whimper.

I looked- and I'm not sure which one did the whimper.

It's a dream whimper. So I keep watching to see if it happens again.

Sure enough another little whimper, and it was Oliver. Having little puppy dreams.

But this is the cute part, his whimpers got a little louder and startled Ty awake (well sort of awake).

Ty looked at Oliver and then just turned his head the other way and went back to sleep.

It was so funny- and then less than ten minutes later Ty is having little dream noises.

His own sweet little whimpers.... I wonder what he's dreaming about?

These three are quite a crew.

Talk about unconditional love from a dog.

Sleep picture of the day.....

He cracks me up when he buries himself in the blankets like this.

The dogs never know where he is so they just lay on top. So cute!

Successful pick up....

We had a successful time picking up my hubby after his endoscopy.

However, I won't be winning any Wife of the Year awards due to the fact that he had to take the bus to the hospital for his procedure.

That sucks!

Even if he says it was easy and perfect timing.

It still sucks.

Ty was excited to get him and help take care of him, which is positive.

Let's just hope the rest of the day rolls along without behavioral hiccups!

On a sad note, my heart and prayers go out to the families affected by another senseless act of violence.

My heart breaks for the kids who were there.

This particular one was close to home as I have nephews and nieces who go to schools in that area.

Lives are forever changed.

I will hug extra hugs tonight.

I will do this........ we will do this!

We've had some ups and we've had some downs this weekend.

It's a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me... never quite sure which direction we are going

Tomorrow is causing me a bit of anxiety. I'm trying not to show it- but between trying to figure out how to get a child to school and my husband having an endoscopy in the morning which I cannot be there to support him- but Ty and I will have to venture in the car for about a 20 minute drive to pick daddy up (since he can't drive).

Well, the last several "good" weeks have been a good ride but a ride that did not include "leaving our house!!".

We haven't gone anywhere- Ty has been home 100% of the time.

Tomorrow, will be the first time he will be leaving our home environment, taking a short drive in a car.

For most people, what is the big deal - it's something they do without even thinking about it.

For me, I'm wondering how is he going to handle this?

How will he respond to this change?

Will he cooperate?

Will we have a major behavior as a resulting fall out?

What will the rest of the day bring?

Or will this all go smoothly and without incident because we've gotten him to this good place by doing what we need the last 3 to 4 weeks?

What will happen?

I pray that he handles this change, and even if he struggles, we are able to help him through the challenge, rather then him becoming aggressive and angry towards us.

These are the things that we cannot control, and he struggles to meet the challenge.

But we will continue everything we can in our God given powers and strength to get us all through this day and this challenge.

I will think positive.

I will seek positive energy.

I will do this!

Friday night flip.....

What happened?

Something happened, that's for sure.

We had a bit of a friday night flip in mood, ability to cope, anger level.

Damn, not a good way to start the weekend. Especially after the most amazing week we've had.

But that's the ups and downs and the only thing constant is the unpredictability of whatever is going on in our little guys head.

Unlike my other children, where on any given day we can usually predict how they will respond, how their mood will be (well now except for my tween-can you say HORMONES)

But when they wake up in the morning, I can usually count on a typical day for them.

And only if they aren't feeling well, or they are tired, or hungry (than all bets are off)

But more often than not, they have theei sweet little personalities (ok, big personalities) that are who they are.

These are the words we often use to describe our children to others.

And on any given day it's pretty easy to predict how theei mood will be,

Now this is not the case with Ty.

The one thing that is consistent with him,....

is his constant inconsistencies of his mood, his ability to cope, his reaction to everyday stimuli and events

We never know what mood he'll wake up in

We never know what events or situations will cause him to fly off the handle

This past week, he was certainly more predictable and consistent with his mood and response to the world.

Even showing some flexibility and tolerance towards others

But as good as of a day we had on Friday, something still flipped in him

He became more anxious, more obsessed over Halloween stuff again, more intolerant, more aggressive verbally

It happens in a blink of an eye..not even noticeable to others until all of the sudden he's angry

He's now being oppositional (and I don't mean like a neurotypical kid, I"m talking absolute rudeness, illogical, aggression over a thought that is only in his mind

He's not using his words, he's back in a fight or flight mode, ready for battle

But over what?

These will forever be the mystery's that plague our everyday lives.

And as good as we are at figuring out his signals and preparing him for upcoming moments that is life,

It's a flip in the switch like this that always leaves us wondering!

And right now, I wonder what will the rest of this day bring?

I made a kids climbing rock wall!!!!

This indoor rock wall is for my nephew who is turning four and an amazing climber!

I will be making one for our household too, but ours is going to be an outside wall and will be bigger since my kids are bigger!

This is a front porch post I made for my sister in law (hopefully she doesn't read this until after her birthday!).

It's amazing what I get done when I have a son who is happy, flexible and just being a little boy.

And trust me, he has made many "projects" himself this week- including a "man cave".

Complete with an extension cord and fan, in case it gets hot.

A rug so daddy's feet don't get dirty.

Full of snacks, bottled water and even personal pictures (he took from the house) to give it a home-y feel.

Yep, I think this boy has thought of almost everything he and daddy would like.

He plans on bringing the laptop out there (btw this is a space under a deck in the backyard corner- a tall deck, but still a deck) this weekend to watch football. That's my boy!

This is a great ending to the week............

And a great way to start the weekend!

Awesome sleep picture of the day.....

And this is yesterday's sleep picture of the day.....

The universe has been good to us

Our good fortune has continued through out the rest of the day.

Ty brought Brian and I a glass of wine, gave us directions to go in the backyard

to light the fire pit and enjoy each other's company!

Damn the universe has been good to us tonight!

All three kids plus Brian and I sat outside on our deck, looking at our fire pit, enjoying the beautiful stars that were shining so bright tonight.

A moment that was not missed by us for one second!

Thank you heavens above- our family needed this tonight!

BREAKING NEWS ALERT!!!!! get the tissues ready........

Yes this is a breaking news alert!!!

I just witnessed a moment that has not occurred, well probably ever!

Megan had an early out day so was home at lunch time.

Ty and I were home with the behaviorist.

Now here is the big news! Ready- I'm shaking while I type this because I'm still in shock!

Megan and Ty were in the kitchen TOGETHER baking brownies TOGETHER. They were engaged in a conversation about who was going to do what.

They agreed, negotiated, asked questions, politely answered, and did I mention they were in the kitchen TOGETHER!

Same physical space. They have not been able to be in the same room let alone the same space in months, and even that is once in a blue moon type event.

These two are just oil and water. Constantly causing issues- and this goes both ways.

So same physical space, talking to each other, cooperating with each other. This went on for over 20 minutes.

The behaviorist is always timing things to record for the data.

This was truly an amazing moment. AMAZING! I've never seen Megan and Ty get along for more than 2 minutes. And trust me it always ends badly.

I almost cried listening to them in the kitchen (I was in the other room, only prompting or facilitating when necessary).

This was the most beautiful moment I've experienced with my children in a long time. And what is more incredible was that it was with the 2 least likely to engage.

Ty and Sarah, I definitely enjoy watching their relationship blossom on the good days.

But Ty and Megan, well I just wanted them to not kill each other when they were in each others presence.

Sibling stuff, yes. Both constantly needing control over their external environment that, well, yeah that is a problem when you have two trying to control everything.

And both struggle socially so much, it's hard when there's not one who can help lead the interaction.

They have also gotten into a very long standing pattern that Ty just loves Megan's attention, and that includes the negative attention. He doesn't care- he loves to see her react, and that gives him attention.

It's a constant work in progress, especially for Megan since she's older and well a little more capable (most of the time).

But today, well this was just beautiful. I was so proud of her!

I was so proud of him.

It was a moment that gave me a glimmer of hope that through all this hardship and struggles, and challenges:

We are a family and my children deserve to be happy. And they can be happy- together!

I know we are doing the right thing for Ty. It's what he needs.

It's what our family needs.

It's right now the only way to truly help our son in the way that actually helps him!

It's what he needs, right now- and that's why we live in the moment.

To experience a day like today!

Yeah for our family!

This is called kicking Autism's butt!

Just sitting here, talking dogs....

Despite his early wake up time (5:30am), he was already back asleep at 7:00am for about an hour and a half.

He wakes up and smiles at me.

He starts interacting with the dogs, as they are lying on top of him.

And as I'm just sitting here, drinking my coffee, we're just talking dogs.

About Oliver's overbite and how he needs braces.

How Sadie is trying to eat the eyeballs off of the stuffed animal snake that she is playing with. How we need to better train them to not bark when people come up to our house.

How I should look up more Caesar Milan helpful dog training tips. How Sadie keeps coming back over to me. How Sadie likes to play tuggy war. How gray Sadie's muzzle is becoming.

How old our dogs are. How long do we think they will live.

Why did someone give up Sadie when she's so sweet?

How Sadie is more sweet than she is mean?

How her personality is because of the Pekingese in her, not the Chihuahua.

How Oliver would make a good K-9 dog because he is a Terrier and has a longer muzzle which helps him have better scent than Sadie.

How her tongue feels when she licks your face. (Not my face, Ty's face).

As I sit here engaging with my little guy, talking about our dogs, as he's lying on the ground next to them, rolling around with them like they are all puppies together, I'm left with a moment.

A moment that I know if I want to talk to my son, engage with him, then I need to talk dogs with him.

This is how we connect to him.

So I'll continue to just sit here, sip my coffee, and watch him interact and act like a puppy with our dogs.

Listening to his giggles, knowing he's smiling.

Knowing he's happy in this moment.

I'm not gonna say it, but.......

Nope, not gonna! Not even going to mention the "good" place we're in.

Nope- not gonna mention how he's been sleeping in until 7:00am the last 6 out 7 days. Nope!

Not gonna mention that I haven't been hit, kicked, spit on, or even threatened in 3 days!!! And even before that, it was only, as I call them half attempts. He always responded to the consequence- the same consequence and choices he has always gotten for hitting, kicking, spitting, throwing. Two choices: dog bed or hammock swing.

And he's in this place that allows him to make the choice and not go into fight or flight! But I'm not gonna mention that AT ALL!

I won't dare write that he's been so kind towards his sisters and so engaging with me during the day. Nope, not gonna write it!

I'm not even going to write about how his smile has been lighting up the room and his laughter is so joyful to our house. Nope.... can't do it!

Because if I say any of these things that have been so nice and peaceful for our family the last week or so, then I"m afraid it might all go away- as it usually does.

You see, we aren't doing anything different then we've ever done before. Nothing- we parent the same way- our family unit is the same with one exception.

My little guy. He's what is different. How he responds is different. How he interacts is different.

How he smiles is different. How he laughs is different. But we've been here before.

Once a long time ago, we had 2 weeks of this "bliss". I wouldn't call it "normal"- but it's a functioning level that things in our house are better, calmer, nicer, more normal for us!

Everyone has a different normal.

We call this normal for us, however we have one big caveat......

we don't leave our house. We don't go anywhere, no one comes over.

This is what helps our son get to this place of living. Routine is more than routine. Schedule is like no one other schedule. Isolation is like no other.

Sameness in EVERYTHING!

This is about as "normal" and functioning that our family ever gets.

It's this extremeness that is required to get our son to this level of living.

Are you still wondering how we can do this?

Just like that picture I posted a few days ago- we can never make life "FAIR", but I will do everything in my god given powers to make it JOYFUL!

Because really, what is life, if you don't have joy and happiness.

Talk about finding happiness from within, huh!!!!!

Now, just to make this all continue. It's not easy keeping every star up in the universe aligned just perfect so that my son can be happy.

It's really not easy- but I will certainly enjoy these moments while we have them!

And pray that even WHEN we slip back WHEN he slips back, WHEN the stars up in the sky get all jumbled again-

it's not so terrible!

Perfect picture to go with my earlier blog

Isn't it all about attitude.........

Well another Monday. Another weekend survived.

I know to some this may sound, well a bit depressing- saying "we survived another weekend". But every day is a bit of survival. We live in survival mode- this helps us get through the tough moments. And tough moments are more common than easier moments.

Some call it crisis mode, some call it survival mode. Whatever one chooses to call it- it's our reality.

Our circumstances have put us into this type of reaction to life, rather then, well what everyone else is able to do- simply relax and roll through the days with ease. We don't have that as an option; as the life that has been handed to us is one with a child, who not only is complicated medically, but psychologically as well. A beautiful wise spirit that requires a lot of assistance, help, love and above all patience. Lots and lots of patience!

It's not a negative. It's what it is. And quite honestly it's a privilege because someone up in the heavens must have thought so highly of us to give us a child who would require so much- and know that even during the toughest moments, we would have the strength and belief that we- as a team, can do this.

Will do this.

And we would appreciate the God given talents each one of us possesses.

We would find inner peace and joy from our precious moments. We will raise our children to be patient, loving, caring, joyful creative spirits that will themselves be peaceful and joyful from within.

I don't think there can be a higher compliment as a human being. Is life "easy" for anyone? What does that even mean? Doesn't everyone have challenges, internal struggles, difficulties that can at times seem more difficult then what it's worth?

I am a believer that all beings struggle. It's how we handle these struggles and find inner peace with what challenges us.

This gives me the strength to move past the challenges and still find joy in moments that many many years before, would have never crossed my thoughts. One's I didn't pay attention to. One's that were taken for granted.

No joyful moment is taken for granted now. Quite honestly, that feels really good.

This is why moment to moment is so precious and enjoyed. And makes everything we do to help our son worth it-

It's all about your attitude and perception of the experience. I for one do feel blessed. Is this to say it's easy. I think if you've read any of my blogs- that's far from it. But what our family has done is to find the joyful experiences that bonds families and loved ones-it's just not what "others" would say is acceptable or would even say is impossible.

But this is what our son NEEDS.

That's why I feel blessed because there are many people in this world that wouldn't be able to provide what he NEEDS. Therefore they would miss out on seeing who this little boy really is- who he wants to be. Who has so much to offer, and deserves to be happy, no matter what lengths we have to go to as parents. Help him discover his talents, encourage his talents, and bring laughter and knowledge to everyone around him.

That's a gift.

I love the saying "we aren't human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

So back to this weekend, which was actually a pretty nice weekend.

We had laughter, smiles, conversation, togetherness. We had flexibility, we had engagement, we had challenges, we had consequences, we had sharing, we had encouragement.

We had a moment where Ty decided to "play" in his room and was in there for almost 20minutes. Understand, this never happens. He doesn't like to be away from where the rest of the family is, and this is especially in his bedroom.

But he went to get a new shirt (the one he put on this morning was "too itchy") and I had noticed he was gone for awhile. That's unusual. He's usually quick as a flash back to whatever he was doing.

So I peeked.

And there he was sitting on the floor of his room, with no shirt on (he must have forgotten why he went in there in the first place) and he was playing with his erector playset. A very fun building type set that allows him to be creative and focused. It was so sweet- that was a moment that made me smile.

I couldn't believe he was in there for almost 20 minutes- not that I was counting or anything. But these are the moments you take in because they "never" happen... but today it did! And I think that's pretty awesome!

It's Monday..... so here is today's sleep picture of the day.......

It's like watching a newborn sleep..... one of our most favorite things to do- watch him sleep! He rolled and had his head hanging off the step. Then he rolled again- and fell off the step and then woke up and smiled at me, since I was watching him and said "what happened? Oh no, I crushed my building, oh well!" and then smiled again. Silly boy!

My real life super hero........

.

This is for my little guy! Because every minute of everyday is a battle for him. But he is a real life super hero!

Future Vet?

Love the mornings where he's so engaged, being creative, and today he was a Vet. This is him giving Oliver an IV.

It's sad he knows what an IV is, but it's also very therapeutic for him to Play this way.

He also has a teddy bear with a cecostomy button just like his. He used to have his teddy bear have his potty flush when he did.

He played this way a lot when he first got his "button" as we call it. Not as much now, but he does love to play Vet and take care of the dogs- and also sets up all his stuffed animals to take care of them. Love this!!!

It's a happy Friday over here. Day three without major behaviors. A good way to start off the weekend.

Bonus for mom.... my brother in law brought over 2 truck fulls of reclaimed lumber. woo hoo!!!!!

Cannot wait to get started on our next projects.

However, hubby about had a heart attack when he saw all the wood on the driveway! I always get lectured when I agree to take someone else's junk as he call sit.

He doesn't quite see the beauty in wood that would otherwise be thrown into the landfill. It's beautiful wood that I can't wait to get started on a project.

There is so much, I"m supplied for months! Way to go brother in law! I have lots of Christmas gift ideas!

Happy Weekend!

My little vet....

That was scary.....

Less than twelve hours ago, I was celebrating the last few great days we've had. And even today- a pretty good day. He and I working on the finishing touches of the deck I built this summer. He was engaged with building something for daddy and just was being creative. Rest of the day went smoothly, transitions went pretty seamless, when issues did come up, he even set the timer himself for five minutes then went into the hammock.

Then night time hits- I hear Brian yelling for Ty. No response. I call for Ty. No response. We both wonder, where is he? Did he leave the house? Was he hiding? Was he in the garage and didn't hear us? Not that we begin to panic, but you do begin to wonder, why is he not responding? Where is he?

Then as parents you have the "oh crap" feeling. He's not responding, we keep calling for him. We know all his hiding spots, but he's not in any of them. Brian decides to jump onto his bike and ride around the neighborhood. I call for him outside. I call louder for him outside. I'm now wondering- what the heck do we do? Has he left our house- gone somewhere? I made sure the bikes were all still locked up. His bike was in the garage. Then after a few panic moments of what is our next step, here he comes. He comes up to the front of the house, looking at me like "what, I was just hiding under the neighbors car!"

WHAT!!!!!!!?????

You were where? Hiding under the neighbors car? Why? never mind why- that is very dangerous. And we breathe a minute. He's home. He's safe. But apparently he's mad at me. Okay, again these are the imaginary ideas he gets in his head and reacts and the rest of us have no idea what he is talking about.

And guess what he said- because you haven't bought me a Halloween costume yet?

Oh no, please not this again!

Where did this come from?

But we ignore the statements regarding Halloween or costumes, or anything related.

That was scary. He has no clue how scary that was for us. He has no idea the danger he put himself in, hiding under a car.

This was not a good moment.

And just when I think we have everything covered as far as behavior plan, action plan, what if scenarios- him leaving the house at night, when it's dark, and deciding to hide from us; never a thought in my mind.

He's usually too scared to go outside when it's dark.

Guess we'll be discussing our plan tomorrow with the behaviorists in case he decides to ever do something like this again.

Which I pray he doesn't. But I know the reality.

We did it.......

A little victory dance going on over here. To celebrate 2 days in a row of no behaviors.

Not hitting, no throwing, when he did get upset we offered two choices- dog bed or hammock to calm down. He did! This is what it can be like if every star in the universe was always 100% completely aligned.

Problem is this doesn't happen very often. This is that 5% of the time we see our son for his sweet, smiling, joyful little self. Pure self. It's the other 95% of the time that all things are just too difficult.

The world assaults him, his mind, his body and he still has yet how to handle it without anger, being physical. This is why I know our bubble world works. It always has- since he was little little. This isn't by accident.

Look what happened when I started to take Sarah to and from school. Nothing else. Simply one way to school, and one way home from school. It seems to simple to others. But when everything external bombards your body you just want to crawl out of your skin and escape. And that's what he tries to do.

This is the same little boy I was writing about just a few weeks ago- when things were so tough. Me having to lock myself in the bathroom for 45minutes until our behaviorist arrived. Me having to run out of the house because he's threatening me, over what? does it matter- does anything warrant this kind of response ever. Never!

But now look at where he is. His beautiful self, content with his existence. Wanting to engage, wanting to learn, wanting to be a little boy. So for anyone who wonders how we do this- this is how!

And this is why..... And this is a moment that I have in my memory to remind me why we do this! This is the little boy we are always trying to help, always trying to bring out into this world.

Rather than him retreating into that other world that is so dark, scary, and just like a closed box.

Happiness is.......

Happiness is hearing your son talk as he's making a pizza crust, reading the directions, talking through the directions, hearing little sister offer information on where something may be- and him saying "thanks!".

Now that's a moment!

He wanted to make pizza, so I gave him the GF mix we have and set him free. He is off and running with it- can't wait to try it! He never ceases to amaze me.

An awesome sleep picture

A glass of wine...

Well, upon transition into the house after playing football- he served us up a glass of wine.

So far so good! Again, no idea how he knows how to open a bottle of wine. I didn't learn to until I was like 30. But he does. So, nice gesture from my little guy.

Oh and he wanted to watch a movie while sitting in the HAMMOCK SWING- yes!!!!!!!!

I'm going to take this victory and love every moment!!!

It's now 7:00pm, still have dinner, potty, and bedtime-

but so far it's looking good!

No more disassembling...........

So we are on Tuesday now. A good day overall so far. He's been more mad at the behaviorist than at me. But I do not understand how he gets some of his ideas. He got made at L the behaviorist. Decided to lock us out of the house.

Again, no big deal, I have keys if we need to get in. But it is also a sign that he doesn't want us around. Fine. But what he does next - is an ugh moment. And I didn't even know he did it until a while later. He locked the front door. But then he took a screw driver and attempted to take the dead bolt off. I'm not sure what he was trying to accomplish. Except he did get the back of the lock off (inside the house) so it was stuck.

He was wanting my attention as L was leaving. This is transition time. He was a little short with me. But I was just being patient, so that he would not escalate. Until I saw what he did. I said, what is that all about? He just said oh, I was trying to take the lock off. NO>>>>>> I told him he had to fix it.

He attempted to. He was trying and I saw that.

I knew he wasn't going to be able to do it- I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it.

But these are the moments that frustrate me so much- because now I"m going to have to spend the next 30 minutes or however long it takes me to figure this out FIXING what mess he created. He finally said this is all I could do and went in the other room.

At least he tried. Now make room for mom and I have to see if I can fix it! I did eventually- it did take some time. But I hopefully got it back functioning again.

But when he wanted my attention I was no longer available- this is one of those bummer moments. Shouldn't have tried to disassemble something :)

But as of 6:00pm no major behaviors, no restraint, don't even think he's thrown something at me. Pretty good by my standards.

We'll just have to see how transition from outside football time with dad goes, dinner, potty, bedtime. But I"m hopeful.

He's been coping better today. Even using his words to tell L to go away.

Well, we all consider that socially acceptable. So yeah!

It's the name calling, yelling, behavior to say go away that isn't acceptable. So again, a positive moment. He didn't want her around, so he simply told her that. Okay! Way to go!

Just hope we have no disassembling of "things" that I do not approve of. Because sometimes I"m not so handy at putting it back together.

We never know what that one is capable of.

He's smart I tell ya!

Just one day...... please!

A regular Monday- Ty takes a morning nap, behaviorist comes at 10. A few behaviors at transition. Then he gets settled. I tell him I will play football with him for twice the amount of time that he goes in the hammock. (A good sensory pre-load as we call it). I make it fun for him. He ends up staying in for about 8 or 9 minutes. So, I told him twenty minutes of football with Mom- and then I have to get to some of my chores. No negotiating, no tantruming about wanting more time. He just happily gets us all set up to start the game. Success!

I give fair warning when my time will be up. It's Monday, I have my laundry list which includes laundry of my chores to do. I don't have a house cleaner. I don't have a cook. Among many other things, like a lot of moms and dads, I do those things. Some how I try to fit it in between activities with Ty through out the day. So my time was coming up for me to stop playing football and go tackle my chores. He negotiates. He asks for the last play and touch down. I agree. He did ask nicely! That's functional language. I knew it would only be about 3 more minutes. So perfect. We make the last play- touch down T bone (that's his nick name... when he and dad are playing football!)

Then something happens. Not sure exactly what. Something between he and the behaviorist. He is upset and talking rudely to her. Still not sure what the issue was, but the reality is there usually isn't- he makes an issue of most things and that's just how things are. But he storms off, throws the football at her- it lands across the street. And says he is going to lock us out. Fine, I have a house key- as I literally always have my purse on my at all times. So he proceeds to lock us out- but that's alright- we just hang out in front yard. And then he approaches us with a screw driver. Trying to threaten us. Trying to say he is in control. We ignore it- we call this posturing. Kind of like a wild animal- puffing himself up to appear bigger then reality. He starts to just fiddle with the screw driver- we again ignore him and continue on our business. There are the times that I can tell he means way more serious business. And then there are the times I can tell he's not really that upset and out of control and will recover quickly. Because in the end he wants our attention. He needs our attention. And in deed, he literally flips the switch and wants to "do something". He walks across the street on his own to get his football that he threw. Good- we didn't even have to ask. That's part of our behavior plan- he needs to "pick up, clean up or get get" whatever was thrown, etc during a behavior. We all go inside- he and A the behaviorist decide to bake something. They decide on Zucchini bread- of course DF and GF. Perfect- great calming activity for him. I gardened a little bit while they were busy at work in the garden. He's laughing, he's talking, he's asking questions about the next step. This is going great!

The rest of the day goes pretty much as well as this last part of the morning. It was great. He even did a little better today during the transition of Sarah coming home. He eventually fell asleep- again. The days things go well, it's usually a 2 nap day. It's hard to stay focused, on task, be flexible, communicate. It's pretty exhausting to a little system.

He wakes up, daddy is home now. He wants to play football with daddy, as they do everyday after work. This is the routine- and it's an expectation for sure by Ty. But Brian is a trooper and enjoys the time as well. But Ty decides he 's too tired to play, so they come inside to watch the football game. Well, this change even though Ty wanted to do it. It was his idea because he was too tired. About 20 minutes later, he decides he wants to play outside. But Brian has settled in, he's riding the exercise bike watching the game on TV. Ty was watching too. This is when things get hard. He has a difficult time sustaining a focus, or he'll go into major hyper focus. But the rest of us don't operate that way. It's tiring trying to keep up with his pace. Especially in the evening when all things are winding down. And so his focus went back to wanting to play outside. They didn't. Ty started in with behaviors. Unfortunately it did escalate pretty rapidly, requiring restraint. When he becomes aggressive and destructive- this is the only thing we can do to prevent someone from getting hurt. He had punched me in the arm, blaming me for Brian not wanting to switch activities. I"m usually the scapegoat for things. He gets mad at the behaviorists, it's my fault. He gets mad at Brian, it's my fault. He gets mad at pretty much ANYTHING, it's my fault. Good thing I love him:)

So, after about 45 minutes of the behavior, sobbing, crying, angry, all the different emotions. He calms down. We continue about our evening as if it didn't happen. Because this is just what things are like. When he's calmed down enough, the world just carries on. When he's in the middle of the behavior, it feels like the world stops for a period of time. Not to the girls- they continue on as if nothing is happening. That's how numb they are to his behaviors and meltdowns. And believe me, if anyone else heard the screaming, yelling, crying that he does, you would think we were torturing the kid. But we're not- we're simply just trying to help him gain control of his body so that he can continue on with the day.

So when it was over, it was over. We had dinner. He went on the potty actually really well. He watched the Dog Whisperer. And soon it's bedtime for all! Tomorrow will be another day, but I have to admit- I'm just praying for that one day we get through the ENTIRE day without hitting, kicking, throwing, threatening, major meltdown behaviors. Just one day- it feels like it's been a long time- honestly it has, since school is in session. So I'm hoping to go one day without the behaviors. A perfect day- no such thing. Just a day that he is calm enough to just cope with all the things that bother him and frustrate him. A day that he is flexible enough to get through the difficult moments that he finds so challenging. A day that we go from sunrise to sunset without the craziness that usually controls our world.

Just one day!

And if I ask for one day, I'll probably want another, and then another. Just like the story "If you give a pig a pancake". But let's just start with one.

Winnie the Pooh is a good way to start a Monday.....

He's in at 9:03pm....

He came in sooner than I even thought he would. 9:03pm... and he's off to get into his own bed in his room. Well, at least this ended well- and not too late either. We figured it would go this way! Score for the parents!

He is so determined right now- but we're tired ..

Right now Ty has set up "camp" out in the front yard. For some reason out of no where he has decided he is going to sleep outside in the front yard by himself. He took his pillow, a blanket and a DVD player.

It first started out he said he was going to sleep in our little tree house in the front. He even ran an extension cord and plugged in a light. I"m telling you, this kid ain't dumb :)

But he decided it seems that the front tree house was just a little bit too far from the house. He is literally about 4 steps away from the front door- I guess that gives him more comfort. He did ask daddy to make sure the sprinklers were turned off. And wanted to leave the garage door open. We said no, that has to stay closed so no one steals our bikes. I guess he didn't think twice about if someone wanted to steal him.

But he is determined. He is driven. He is not going to be told he cannot sleep outside. Sure, I don't want him sleeping outside by himself.

We get so little sleep anyway that this kind of circus act at bedtime already sets us behind schedule. Do I think he'll really stay out there? No way. Brian is hanging out on the front living room couch, reading his book as he usually does at bedtime. And waiting. Waiting for the moment Ty decides he's had enough outside camping time, gotten cold, whatever will eventually drive him back in the house- because something will.

We'll just have to ride this one out. Hopefully it doesn't go on too long. We're all tired- as he got us all up very early today- and not in a good way.

But we also know when to pick the battle- and ultimately we know he'll come in- if we just wait it out a bit.

When you are a parent to a child like Ty, one who is prone to rages, meltdowns, has such a high need to control EVERYTHING, you have to really pick and choose where we can and should exert our parental control; and where we can relax and let him think he's controlling the situation, because in the end we know what will happen.

After all, we're pretty smart parents :) Or at least we are good at making it up as we go along! Isn't that what parenting is about? Bets are he comes in by 9:30pm.....

Happy togetherness over football

Well, I have some happy "men" hootin and hollerin' from the family room. Some amazing dad son bonding over football. Love that they enjoy this together. Rooting for the niners- yep niners fans here!

Ty even told me no girls allowed- this is for "men" only! Well, in that case I have other things to do anyway!:) But I love how excited he gets. I love that they can sit together (well he's up and down about every minute- it's not easy to sit and watch anything for extended periods of time). But I can hear him calling plays and doing re-plays.

Sweet moment.

Especially after being pommeled at 6:00am this morning- not the best way to start the day. But he's settled! Watching the niners with dad. Enjoying "men" time!

Let's go niners!

My little fire fighter......and artist

My little fire fighter's sleep picture of the day!

The deep fried apple cinnamon rings we made yesterday.... and boy were they yummy!

A wonderful morning full of special pictures made by my Ty and Sarah. When they get an idea- watch out..... they don't stop:) I especially loved the one he drew of Brian and I holding hands when we were younger...... no idea where he gets his ideas from- but so sweet!

Notice the tuxedo he drew on Brian and the bow for my hair. I guess this is what he thought we looked like when we were younger. Now a bit of mama pride with these pictures. This is the first picture he has ever drawn that wasn't a stick figure. He also used colors and a variety of colors too. He usually never uses color and sticks with brown or black and no details. So a pretty big deal for me!

This next picture is of our entire family. All the boys are wearing tuxedo's including little Oliver. Again, so much detail and a great use of color. That is new- and it means he really took his time with these pictures and moved out of a comfort zone of creativity in order to use a variety of colors that he has never used before. Each of our eyes have the right color. He knows the color of all of our eyes. So sweet- I didn't know he knew that kind of detail. And if we ever asked him, he probably would not say it. Love his art and creativity! It really says a lot about his state of mind and his level of regulation. That was a good moment!

Yes this one is definitely going into a frame!

Happy Friday!

This is how it goes for today Friday: Ty sleeps till 6:30am. Oldest gets herself off to school, check. Hubby gets littlest off to school, check. Ty just chilling watching Nat Geo Wild. My coffee brewing. Ty falls asleep at 8:30am. I enjoy my coffee quietly in the calmness of an empty house and one child napping. He was a very restless napper- for almost 1 1/2 hours he tossed and turned on the dog bed, sliding here, moaning, grumbling- struggling to get into a sleep pattern.

Hubby comes home because he's off to Sacramento for all day testing at UCD: among all of our craziness, my wonderful husband is donating his kidney to his oldest sister. Amazing huh! He's a perfect match. So he's off for all day transplant education and testing.

Ty wakes up. We bake cake balls. We made apple cinnamon rings (yes deep fried- oh my!). This took all morning- it was wonderful. We started to watch the movie Babe. But he quickly wanted to go outside to build. So we did.

We put his fort over by the tree house and it quickly turned into a Halloween backdrop for a cemetery. He got his wheels spinning more and got out the red paint and straws? What was he up to? He was making a skeleton out of the straws on the grass, then painting areas red for blood. I guess this year the gory Halloween is coming out for the first time.

Usually we stayed away from those houses because they were too scary to both Ty and Sarah. All it took was a pumpkin carved in a scary picture- that was a skip house as we called it. But I went with his ideas-

Hung up a ghost from the tree. Came in, he had some behaviors. Why? Not sure exactly probably just transition and his anticipation of Sarah coming home any minutes. It quickly ended. Megan came home. He fell asleep again.

Very kind sister in law stops by and brings us dinner- she knew Brian was going to be late due to all the testing. So kind and so incredibly helpful. Brian comes home- he looks tired. We try to have a few minutes to talk. I wish I was able to be there for him. Just to support him if anything. But I had to stay home with Ty. But sounds like things went well. It's all very exciting and scary at the same time. More on that later.

Ty wakes up and is excited to see daddy. Wants to watch Babe with him. Then an old co worker of Brian's stops by to bring us Gluten Free pastry's and a GF cake. He knew Brian was going through all these tests today. That was again, so incredibly thoughtful. Wow- and beautiful baked goods.

A lot happening today. A lot going on emotionally. A lot going on. And it's only dinner time. But it's Friday- that's good and bad. As it's a change in routine for the weekend. But it's also the weekend.:) Divide and conquer. What will we do? Happy weekend!

Warning: some proud gloating is about to happen.........

It was a great day ( I know I may be talking way too early we still have dinner, potty time, bedtime routine... which can be tough). But up until this point so far- woo hoo! I feel a little victorious actually. Ty and I made a delicious GF/DF chocolate cake with frosting- in the theme of sharks and underwater creatures. We baked the cake together, we made frosting together. We giggled together. We then thought it would be fun to watch a show together and eat popcorn from the same bowl. We first started with a movie- but he quickly asked if we could watch an animal show. Of course!!!! So we watched a Nat Geo Wild show (for those that don't know this station- it's National Geographic Wild channel- awesome for animal lovers). He wanted to watch Ocean's deadliest sea creatures. Sounds gory but it's not. We learned about the Bull shark, a cousin to the great white. We learned about the Baracuda, the Leopard Seal, a Torpedo Ray which uses electricity to stun it's prey. So interesting- we sat next to each other. Eating popcorn. And then all of the sudden, he put his hand on my lap. He just left it there on top of my thigh, as if just making sure I'm still there. He doesn't do that. Ever- I didn't say anything, just wanted to enjoy the moment with him. It was in deed a moment. We had been having such a great day- So after a while, we decided to pause the show and go back to our cake. It was time to frost it. He wanted me to show him how I use my bakery tools to frost the cake fancy- again woo hoo! Sure thing.... He put the frosting int he bags and squeezed the frosting out- We had made ocean blue and white frosting. He then decorated the cake with fish and shark toys. It was so cute.

After our feast of eating our yummy cake, my new lycra 4yd of just fabric arrived- wow this is going to be fun. I tied it up to our ceiling hook- and there is so much stretchy fabric. I got right in- I like these things too. If you've never been in a hammock like lycra thing- try it- it's so calming. Anyway- of course he wanted to try it- sure okay!!! (hint hint)- and then we made a game of it- he was in a space capsule- and I was inverting his body. Feet in the air, head down while he's curled up in fetal position. Yes, this is perfect. So good for him. This is going so great- yeah for me!!! Then we get even more creative (okay he does). He wants to make space helmets for him and Oliver. So this takes some time for him to put together.

Notice the pipe cleaner microphone on the helmets. Then it was time to blast off- he made a satellite and he was going to blast up into space to repair the satellite- so he wanted me to hang it from the ceiling to. He wanted to pretend he was a real astronaut and floating in space and he had the tricky task of fixing the satellite while floating! He is on a roll! Love it.... love him.... love days like this. Love these many moments we've had today. In fact, about five minutes ago he woke up after crashing at my feet while Sarah read to me and said, "mom, I've had a good day today". Yes you have my little guy- yes you have. And so have I!

May not be in a traditional way, but still a lot to offer!

So the sun came up once again. Wind is blowing (which should make for an interesting sensory day for both me and Ty). For me personally, I hate the wind. That is one sensory thing that gets to me and I get cranky and irritable if I'm out in it too long. It literally causes chaos in my head. I can only imagine what it does to Ty who has sensory issues like no other and yells at people for chewing food. Which BTW they are only chewing normal, not in some obnoxious way. He's just so incredibly sensitive to sound. Should be interesting.

But as of this day (I think my first grader said day 26) of the school year has passed. I'm left to wonder what will the rest of this school year be like. Will I be able to take Sarah, my last child who is already in first grade, to school to enjoy the ritual of her classrooms morning routine? What about picking her up after school and watching her gleefully skip out of the classroom and so excited to tell me about her day? These are moments that I do miss. These are moments that make what our reality really is- harder. We don't have crazy ambitious ideas of what we would like to do. I just want to be able to take my youngest to and from school. Sure I can start doing that again- but at what cost to Ty? I can't leave him home unattended. Some days I wish he was able to just stay home by himself. But that would be a huge mistake. It's like leaving a toddler home alone. And then I wonder, will I ever be able to leave him unattended for a period of time? What about when he's 15? 18?

I try to not get ahead of myself. I tell myself to get back into the moment. But in reality, who doesn't think about their kids and their futures? Ty does tell me he is going to go to College to play baseball, basketball, and football. (He's ambitious himself!) I always tell him he just has to work real hard and he can do anything! But can he? He has to work so hard just to exist everyday. Things that so many others take for granted. What about his cecostomy button? How will he manage this as he gets older? Do kids with these kinds of struggles developmentally, emotionally, socially, and medically ever mature naturally to a functioning level that allows them to be productive, experience life, have a job, live on their own, get from A to B without assistance? I know I"m getting way ahead of myself. Right now, I have a nine year old boy who cannot be left unattended. Needs constant supervision. A nine year old boy who is so smart, so talented, but rarely can access his true gifts.

We get a lot of feedback (of course usually unsolicited) about Ty and school. What are we doing for his education? How does he get an education when he doesn't (I say can't) attend school, and from their perspective we don't do much as far as education in a more traditional way. He gets schooling- if schooling is considered learning of any kind. He's not a traditional 9 year old boy, so how can we possibly expect him to be learning at a typical 9 year old stage? Doesn't happen. But he is learning every minute of every single day. He's learning how to cope with emotions that otherwise get the best of him and the only way he knows how to handle them is through anger and lashing out. He is learning how to communicate effectively to express when something bothers him, when he needs something, when he wants something but can't have it. This is called functional communication: words are words- but if they don't serve a purpose to express our needs and wants- what could happen? Think of a baby or toddler who knows what they want or need, but cannot communicate it to you. What do they do- cry, throw a fit- get your attention the only way they so far have learned. This is Ty. And this is one area that he is so low on- around a 3 1/2 year old, maybe. He literally thinks everyone can read his mind and we should already know what he wants, needs, or what is bothering him. And if we don't- watch out he'll lash out at you. This is what he is learning to do everyday. Do they teach this in a formal education setting? I didn't think so either. But believe it or not- my kid knows everything there is to know about dogs. Dog breeds, their personalities, the care they need, how to train them, how to properly respond to them, all things dog we say! It's quite amazing. When something interests him- watch out- he goes full force. He's also like that with sports. He loves to learn about sports, popular sport figures, team statistics, team schedules, whose playing and when. This interests him. He has also had a love of Dinosaurs (what kid hasn't). But my kid still does it differently. By age 4 he knew all things Dinosaurs. He knows all things construction truck and farm equipment because when he was 5 and 6, this was his passion. Is it helpful information as far as putting it to use in the way our society thinks is appropriate? Maybe, maybe not, but what it demonstrates is his ability when he has a passion for something to learn about it. And he learns about it in a way that just envelopes him- it becomes his world. It becomes all consuming really, but if we learn with him and let him teach us, we can actually engage with him. He wants to share his knowledge.

p>Now when you talk with him- it's not a two way conversation. He enjoys talking at you- like a professor giving a lecture. And please do not interrupt and ask questions until he is ready for you to ask a question. But he gets passionate. He gets engrossed with wanting to tell you all about what he knows about this particular subject. And everyday when our behaviorist are here, he is learning how to try to have a two way conversation. Even just ask the other person one question and let them answer. These things do not come naturally to him at all, but it's important for him to learn and basically fake it so that people will want to talk to him. Right now, socially it's hard because he doesn't want to have a conversation with peers- he wants to tell them all he knows about a subject. A typical peer response is, okay this kid is talking a lot at me and I'm just gonna walk away. It's hard for adults too to go along with this lecture, imagine for a little kid to pretend to be engaged when it's all a one sided conversation. It's just not natural for most of us. Especially because he'll throw a bone your way in the middle of his conversation with you, where you think he's wanting your opinion or idea, or knowledge on something because he asked. Well, wrong. Do not answer him- that interrupts his train of thought and gets him angry and frustrated. It's like he's learned how to try to make it a two way, but in reality he doesn't want to hear anything from you, except a nod, an okay, an interesting. Nothing more. And if you start to tell him something, well, on a good day he'll simply walk away or continue talking as if you didn't say anything. On a bad day, hmm it could go many different ways. Usually he'll scream and get upset like a 2 year old who is trying to express them self but is frustrated and throws a 2 year old tantrum. A good tantrum is he's upset and sad about it and cries. A bad tantrum is he hits and gets physical. Now just the fact that he was trying to have a conversation tells me he's probably in a little better place then usual, therefore, he might be just a little more flexible than a typical moment. He might just express for us to stop, or he'll just simply continue talking, or he'll walk away. These are all very acceptable things to do. But sometimes I'm caught off guard and it's not as easy as that.

This is how our world goes on a good day with him; because Autism still interferes with his capabilities at this point to socially respond, react and engage in a more typical and appropriate way. That's what he is learning to do everyday the behaviorists are here. This is what we are continually working on 24-7 with him when he's having a day he can handle it. This is our constant challenge. So few days he simply can't handle it. He simply isn't able to deal, isn't able to move out of his brain stem of simply just survival mode- remember fight or flight :) and move to a more rational part of his brain to cope and navigate the world and in this world, be a social being. Now a social being with dogs- yes he does that well. He gets dogs. He understands dogs- and they seem to understand him. It's beautiful. But our world is a human world. A world where we engage with other humans. We engage with family members, friends, neighbors, peers, teachers, etc. But it's important to learn how to engage in this world properly. And when I say properly, I mean to just simply say I have to go, I am not able to talk, I need a break, I need....... Rather then the alternative that he currently uses.

Don't get me wrong. We have some amazing wonderful engaging moments. If you are walking a dog down our street. Watch out- my son will want to talk to you. He'll want to ask about your dog, and tell you about our dog and about dogs in general. He's amazing this way. And he has good days where he absolutely tries his hardest. He tries and puts all his energy and life into focusing on properly reacting and engaging. But unlike you and me, this takes everything out of him. It literally zaps him of all his strength and energy. It takes him so much to just handle that moment with another person. He gets exhausted. And if you don't let him drive the moment, it's that much harder for him and he's not really sure what to do. If you let him drive it however, well let me tell you that you just made a new friend. But know that this is what he'll always want to talk to you about. And if you really pay attention, you might just notice that every time he see's you, the conversation is exactly the same. Almost word for word. Like a transcript of the last time you talked. He'll ask you the same questions over and over, as if you never told him the answer, but you have. He'll want to show you the same tricks he's taught Oliver or just tell you about them. And he'll say it in a way that is like a tape recorded conversation. Almost word for word. This is also very common for kids with Autism. He has what they refer to as delayed echolalia. It helps him to have a conversation at some point- so it's like he records in his head everything he hears and then when appropriate he'll repeat it at a later time to give the information. Many times it's something he heard on the Dog Whisperer- one of his favorite shows. And again, it's word for word what Caesar Milan said. I know because I watch those shows too, then I hear him repeat it later to someone else. Or he'll say it to one of us. It's actually quite fascinating, and really shows how differently his brain works. But as they say different doesn't mean bad. Different is different. He learns differently. But it doesn't mean he's any less intelligent- in fact, he's probably smarter than a lot of kids his age. Just in a different way. He's never had more then 3 months of a formal education for both kindergarten and first grade. But he reads almost everything that he WANTS to. He does math addition, subtraction in his head as if it's not big deal. Especially basketball scores or football scores- has he ever taken a math test of any kind. Nope, not one ever! In fact if you present a math problem in a vertical equation, he'll probably not even know how to do it. Put it horizontal- yep, no problem. Again, brains are different. But knowledge is still there. He understands fractions, without any education or lesson on them. His experience is he and I cook. He reads recipes. He figures out how to measure for this or that. These are all the teachable moments that I use to help him, no necessarily educate him. But to simply help him be able to get a long and have some practical life skills. Which is by far more important to us then any formal education. Because our experience is one that cannot be graded, formalized, traditional, typical, or even taught in the way that we all know. It's embedded in everything we do. He leads it, he guides it, he will either engage or it's over. If it's pushed, he pushes back harder. If he's interested- he jumps 2 feet into it and becomes apart of it. He has a passion for learning. A very strong passion, but all elements have to be just right in order for him to access the part of his brain that can lead him to the learning process. It's not easy for many. And it's especially hard for kids like my Ty.

But again back to how does he get an education? Well, he's learning all the time. Learning different things. Learning how to control his body because this didn't happen developmentally the way it should have. He's learning how to effectively communicate. He's learning that learning is fun. He's learning things that interest him. (Wow wouldn't that have been nice to be able to do this when we were all younger, rather then waiting until College- which is what College is- a time to learn what interests us). So, in a nut shell. He's always learning. Just differently than mainstream. But that's okay, if that's what he needs. No one ever said it was going to be easy, whether in the typical mainstream way, or a different way. But I believe that he has so much to offer this world; we just have to help him get out into the world.

And here is today's sleep picture!