I want to so desperately take him!
But I am not confident even a little bit that he will be able to tolerate it!
He had a good day, he slept a lot which tells me his system is right now in a "recovery mode"
it just is what happens to him
but still during transition of Sarah coming home
she and I had to walk!
Walk down the street, away from his threats, his verbal aggression, his raising fists
so despite him wanting so badly to "earn" the pumpkin patch
the simple thing is he is not in control of himself
period!
And even if he tolerates the 30-40 minutes (because experience has always told us leave on a good note after about 30 minutes...
anything past that, well, it's anyone's guess how things will end!
so even if he tolerates that brief time
what will the rest of the day be like
What will he be like!?
It is too difficult when he becomes physically aggressive, so much that it's not worth it
I want to take him
I want to enjoy a very special outing, and I want him to be successful!
But this week, the past weeks, right now, I do not believe he'll be able to do it successfully!
And that's just not fair to him
He has no connection to what happens to his body during anything even remotely stressful to his nervous system
When he's aggressive, verbally or physically
he is completely out of touch with what is happening to himself, to his body, his behavior, his actions
fight or flight is almost an alternate universe
sending him beyond what he is able to handle appropriately
sending him to react as if he is being attacked, as if he is being threatened, as if his entire being is being assaulted by his entire environment around him!
How do I protect him , from himself!
How can I possibly take him somewhere, when I know darn well, it will end up causing him to "react" and cause him to behave in a way that is completely out of his control- he's not there when this happens... he's just not there!
I want to take him to the pumpkin patch, but I also know there isn't a thing I can do to help him when (not if) when this happens
and I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want him to get hurt
Right now, it's literally dropping him out of the nest without wings to fly- no tools, no ability to reason and come up with a plan to survive other than panic and fight with all his might!
How can I possibly put him in this position, knowing this is the outcome
This sucks- because the simplest of things, is
not that at all in our world!
It's just not that at all!
No comments :
Post a Comment