The spark of the inferno.......

I just think the transition to summer is going to be harder than I want it to be!

As if I have any sort of control AT ALL.... which of course I don't!

But the day was going well. He was so chatty. (even in a good mood, it's quiet fatiguing because he is so chatty non stop!!!!)

But he was really coming up with creative ideas for dinner. Creative combinations of flavors. Creative meals that were just seeming to come out of thin air!

It was fine- I don't mind it so much when he's in a good mood. Being creative!

He made a giant mess in the kitchen- because of course he needs to actually create the things he is thinking about!

Strawberries, watermelon, onions, garlic, so much happening in the kitchen. The blender mixing!

And then he comes outside with a bowl of this "creation" and chips... he made a salsa!

Which I am so happy he is, well- happy!

Problem then was his switch got flipped! Don't know where along this process it got flipped. We were simply talking about the flavors- and other creative combinations.... and then BOOM!!!!!

Just like that. Just like how things "were once a long time ago"..... out of thin air once again- he starts talking about money, and buying, and birthday..... and all these compulsive thoughts that for so many years drove negative behaviors in him. But since Cannabis- OCD has been very calm and tamed.

WHAT THE HELL!!!

Let's put those negative thoughts right back into the bubble they seemed to float here on and get them away ASAP!!

And yep... just like that a flip switched- he was angry, he was negative, he was throwing... and nothing I said or did made a damn bit of difference.

It never does!

I know his birthday is coming up. I know it's on his mind all the time. I know school is out and routines are changing. I know all this.

And there is nothing I can do when his OCD thoughts start invading his brain. Go read old posts from a year ago- 2 years ago..... so many posts about the OCD behaviors he experiences- and what it does to him (and us!).

Re grouping my thoughts. What do I need to do differently to help him. Is it changing up my dosing? probably... and this is always tricky- when my only indicator is behavior. It can work, or it can backfire! Luckily I can play with it- and there really is not "horrible" side effect- except increase in behavior or agitation. Which then indicates- backing off! It's tricky with him.....

He's calm now- I have a dose ready to go- but for now- I wait!

I wait to see what happens in the next hour- with transition of dad coming home. Will it agitate him? Will he again revert back to OCD thoughts that drive his negative thoughts?

But it's a reminder that regardless of what we do- these changes are big. They effect him so much. And they can add so much fuel to his fire. The fire that is always ready to rage like an inferno..... from out of no where! We never usually see the spark. But there is one. And for now- end of school, upcoming birthday, these are big torches. And we really haven't had a big disruption in routine, as summer break and bday festivities are; well since last summer.

We all know how that went! But I do have my bets on Cannabis helping! But it's still a lot of trial and error with my kid.