read this while singing to the tune of "this is the way we...... "

This is the way Autism can be, Autism can be, Autism can be,

this is the way Autism can be,

especially near a birthday!

Okay, a bit corny I know.

It was almost 10 years ago, at 3:15AM it will be exactly 10 years ago

I woke up in the middle of the night- 10 days before my "official due date"

having pains, contractions, nothing serious at first, just one's to definitely breathe through!

In fact, I didn't even wake Brian up to let him know, I knew sleep would be important at this point at least for one of us!

He woke up to his alarm to start to get ready for work (probably 6:30 or so)

and that's when I let him know I had been up since 3:15AM

with contractions that were about 8-10 minutes apart

still a little irregular

but that today was probably going to be the day

we didn't know if our baby was going to be a girl or a boy

We already had a 21/2 year old Megan- boy or girl, those just weren't important things to us-

of course the old "we just want a healthy baby" is all we cared about.

By 10:00am, we had called the midwife to let her know "my status" and with Megan (my first) coming in a total of 5 hours from start to finish (pretty fast for the first one) they thought for sure this one would be coming fast too, and that I should probably make my arrangements for Megan and then head to the hospital.

So that's what happened next- and shortly after we arrived at the hospital.

So far it is a totally different experience from Megan's birth-

it was a calm check in, nothing "horrible" pain wise happening yet, becoming more regular, becoming a little more intense, but still managing.

And as a few hours passed, thing seemed to have "stalled"

even my contractions were weakening, but I was dilated and things were happening

To shorten the beautiful story of our son entering into the world, by 3:00pm (now 12 hours after starting labor) things were at a bit of a stand still and so we decided to "have the midwife strip the membrane)

with hopes that it will jump start things again....

And jump start it did, by the time it happened probably 3:30PM, she said she would come back in a few hours to check on me

but to check on me was not what was going to happen-

delivery of my baby was next. And at 5:04PM June 15, 2004

after two pushes, we gleefully heard "it's a boy"

It was absolutely an amazing beautiful life changing experience

and we knew instantly we would be calling him "Ty" and his full name would be Tyler Sage

He was a very healthy 8lbs 1oz 21 inches long

He had the most hair, it was amazing how much hair this little guy had- we all kind of teased his hair must have been growing from the day of conception

not only was it dark silky black but it was long

He was perfect, he was our little boy

He was our Ty.

And 10 years later, our little guy Ty is still an amazing, keeping us guessing, intelligent, kind hearted, talented, determined little boy-

and he has blessed our family, even when things are hard, even amongst all the struggles and behaviors

he's always our little boy.

And I do know his birthday causes him distress

just like any special holiday, it becomes such an overwhelming feeling, that it's hard for him to properly respond to the emotions and therefore usually over reacts in a negative way.

and just like tonight- on the eve of his tenth birthday,

he sobbed, he sobbed so hard, he was my little baby again needing so much help from us to properly handle what all he was feeling

it was too much.

It overwhelmed him and it over took his body and all he could do was cry as if he was 2 years old again

It is hard to see him go through this

you can see the pain and conflict it causes him

when he has no control over his body, when he can't understand his own feelings and how to properly express them

it causes him so much pain and frustration and it causes him to blow

It's hard and all we can do is comfort him and hold him

do our best to help him again gain some control over his body

to gain the power to calm down and to be present

It's not easy being Ty- we know that

we see it every minute he is awake

and even when he is trying to rest his body

but 10 years ago our journey with him started and we have always promised him

we will NEVER give up on him

We will always fight for him

We will always love him

He will always be our Ty

So as this day is finally coming to a close, I was awoken at 5:08AM in a very unpleasant manner

having my covers taken off, lights turned on, demands being shouted,

and even being punched and hit

this was not a good start to this day and we knew we had a lot of work to do with him today to get him calm

And as our day ended with sobbing tears, absolute distress, complete loss of control

This is what Autism can be, what Autism is like, and what Autism does to my child

But one thing I know, my child is not Autism, my child is not his behaviors, my child is not a disorder, an illness, a neurological defect

My child is my son, his name is Ty

and he is a very bright, loving, silly, talented little boy

who struggles with a lot more than most people

and that makes his every day living really hard

even on special days like his birthday

So I know tomorrow is probably not going to be an easy day

and I'm prepared to help him through it

Happy 10th Birthday Ty

You are my little guy!! I love you now and forever for always!

This is Ty at 18months... love the smile on his face!