NO.... you are not in that place.... it's been good!!!!!

This is the bologne that I can't STAND!!!!

The day is going WELL

we were playing lego's for over an hour... setting up and building a Jurassic Park with lego's and dinosaur toys

doesn't get better than that....

The morning had been so good, I even got a shower in :)

What the HE## happened..?????

Girls were going to go to cousins after VBS

and he acted like that was the end all of the world!!!

In fact, he and I were invited over too.. and before I could even open my mouth.....

BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

Sonic boom

A boom like we hadn't seen in quite some time-

In fact, the boom sent him chasing me with a bamboo stick so I simply walked down the street- I figure me fleeing helps this situation sizzle and I couldn't get to Gretchen at the time she was in the house...

And what happened next not only pisses me off, scares me, and worries me beyond worry

jHe RAN again... it has been so long literally like 9 months since the last time he RAN....

He took off on his bike (which just made it back to our house from storage and I hadn't locked it up yet, but figured it was fine since he hasn't fleed, flead? hmm which word??? Taken off :)

in so long... and he's in a really good place for the most part... he flees only when he's totally totally in a bad place... and he's not there!!!!

but he did today- he took off on his bike and then I knew where he was headed... the shopping center just literally stones throw away from our house, but that means he "took" money from my wallet...

ugh.. is it stealing, well technically, he didn't have permission to take my money from my wallet

but he's a 10 year old boy with major issues, is it stealing... ???

whatever the heck it is. frustrates me and scares me!

and my awesome husband gave me the advice I needed in that moment... DO NOT REACT.... he wants that- he needs that- that's what fuels him././

and he was right... so I am just going to pretend that I am not scared out of my wits, that I am totally thinking no big deal and that I am simply going to ignore this situation he has put himself in and act casual about the entire thing....

but holy crap I was scared, what if he didn't go to the Nugget?? What if???? so many what ifs????

so I saw him coming down the street back to the house, I ran into the house, and went to watch TV casually to pretend I am not a frantic worried mom...

and then he didn't come in.. I had no idea what this little guy is up to.

To shorten this, he ultimately came home- I started to walk Gretchen down the street- so that it looked casual plus if he tried something- I had Gretchen to help ME and him...

he came rolling up and was excited to tell me all the things he did- he bought chocolate chip muffins for Dad and Megan (don't ask me why, this is the weird stuff he does... )

and I guess when I thought he was coming home and went to watch TV but then he didn't come home- he decided he had more money to spend and so went to the local drug store next door to the grocery store- and

bought himself a baseball....

then he desperately wanted me to react- he was telling me about how he's a big boy and I didn't need to worry and he bought this for daddy and Megan.. and do I think they'll like them... blah blah blah.. continuing to talk

and then he wanted me to tell him where he should put the change.. there was money left over, he didn't want to spend all my money- REALLY!!!!

Again, I'm just absolutely keeping my composure, almost ignoring him, acknowledging only with a nod occasionally - not giving him any reaction good or bad.. just moving past this incident...

But damn't ugh.. we aren't there right now!!!

We're not- he's not!!!

What the hell did I miss????

and I do blame myself- what did I miss in his communication that sent him to this level of dysregulation and frustration, anxiety, and whatever else fuels this behavior????

I"m usually so good - and I missed something big time!!!

I understand he is upset he didn't go over to the cousins... but he didn't even give me a chance to offer it to him before he started in with behaviors!!!

What the He## am I supposed to do - except just get him through this situation the only way I know how- and of course not offer to go over there NOW>.. he's telling me with his behavior he isn't able to handle it... can't tolerate leaving his comfort zone...

ugh ugh ugh!!!

He's asleep now, we watched some more of the movie we started last night... remember last night- what a night- family movie night!!!!

What is going on- such high highs and such low lows!!!

Take me off this roller coaster, this mama just needs a break!

These waves are too much for me..

I certainly like a much calmer water, and I can handle waves, but GEEZ

pick a mood!!!!!!

Okay, I got it out- I got out the scariness I felt when he took off- and what am I supposed to do/???

Oh yeah, his bike

ALL BIKES THAT HE COULD POSSIBLY RIDE

LOCKED UP!!!!

Not that he doesn't have 2 feet - but really- he doesn't do that unless he's IN THAT BAD PLACE!!!

I tell ya, this kid- he is so hard to figure out and to stay on top of!!!

That was enough emotion for the month... just be a little easier for the next few days to let this mama breathe!!! PLEASE!