Plumber indeed....

Yep, plumber in deed!

Quite proud to say I did indeed fix the problem with our dishwasher...

I will definitely add plumber to my already lengthy list of credentials!

waking up to water.... oh no.

And we are back to a Monday morning

and this mom, wife, nurse, maid, cook, and whatever else I do through out my days

is now a plumber!

Yep, nothing like waking up to a SOAKING area rug in kitchen and now needing to trouble shoot the darn dishwasher!

It's not draining darn it!

So luckily for me I can google it

and I may have solved the problem!

But haven't tested it yet.. Ty is asleep so I have to wait so I don't wake him up

for obvious reason!

I just hope this does the fix... otherwise... back to google to "troubleshoot" ugh!

What a nice morning...

Had a really nice, okay amazing morning!

A beautiful morning, sun shining, a little bit of coolness still the air

birds singing

and me and my hubby sitting out on our deck, me drinking my usual-

peppermint mocha - made with almond milk

he having OJ and a bagel

just sitting, listening to nice acoustic guitar station on pandora

it was so nice!

And even a better part,

not that it gets much better then just chillin with my hubby

but little by little the kids trickled out

and even so, things remained calm, peaceful

and nice

Ty joined us, along with all 3 dogs-

Sarah joined then Megan, and we just were all

present!!

I know, can't believe I said it- we were all present- together

in the same space, at the same time,

it was just nice!

And it lasted for about an hour and half...

it was one of those mornings where you just go, to heck with errands, to chores, and everything else

the minute we leave this, it's over

but if we just stay, it will continue

so we did!

and it did continue

and it was a very nice morning.

I hate that!

I'm tired today

and I just pray that I have the strength and energy to "help" my Ty

Yesterday flipped so bad and by the end of the day-

well, it was just beyond exhausting!

Don't know what today has in store for us- he's taking a nap right now, girls at VBS

and I'll just take each moment as it comes!

but I do hope and pray it's better than yesterday

I do hope an pray he is more predictable than yesterday

I do hope and pray that we get some happy moments and some time to just be present and enjoy our family!

I do hope and pray my little guy is in a better place today-

there just seemed to be nothing we could do to help him

and I hate that!

NO.... you are not in that place.... it's been good!!!!!

This is the bologne that I can't STAND!!!!

The day is going WELL

we were playing lego's for over an hour... setting up and building a Jurassic Park with lego's and dinosaur toys

doesn't get better than that....

The morning had been so good, I even got a shower in :)

What the HE## happened..?????

Girls were going to go to cousins after VBS

and he acted like that was the end all of the world!!!

In fact, he and I were invited over too.. and before I could even open my mouth.....

BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

Sonic boom

A boom like we hadn't seen in quite some time-

In fact, the boom sent him chasing me with a bamboo stick so I simply walked down the street- I figure me fleeing helps this situation sizzle and I couldn't get to Gretchen at the time she was in the house...

And what happened next not only pisses me off, scares me, and worries me beyond worry

jHe RAN again... it has been so long literally like 9 months since the last time he RAN....

He took off on his bike (which just made it back to our house from storage and I hadn't locked it up yet, but figured it was fine since he hasn't fleed, flead? hmm which word??? Taken off :)

in so long... and he's in a really good place for the most part... he flees only when he's totally totally in a bad place... and he's not there!!!!

but he did today- he took off on his bike and then I knew where he was headed... the shopping center just literally stones throw away from our house, but that means he "took" money from my wallet...

ugh.. is it stealing, well technically, he didn't have permission to take my money from my wallet

but he's a 10 year old boy with major issues, is it stealing... ???

whatever the heck it is. frustrates me and scares me!

and my awesome husband gave me the advice I needed in that moment... DO NOT REACT.... he wants that- he needs that- that's what fuels him././

and he was right... so I am just going to pretend that I am not scared out of my wits, that I am totally thinking no big deal and that I am simply going to ignore this situation he has put himself in and act casual about the entire thing....

but holy crap I was scared, what if he didn't go to the Nugget?? What if???? so many what ifs????

so I saw him coming down the street back to the house, I ran into the house, and went to watch TV casually to pretend I am not a frantic worried mom...

and then he didn't come in.. I had no idea what this little guy is up to.

To shorten this, he ultimately came home- I started to walk Gretchen down the street- so that it looked casual plus if he tried something- I had Gretchen to help ME and him...

he came rolling up and was excited to tell me all the things he did- he bought chocolate chip muffins for Dad and Megan (don't ask me why, this is the weird stuff he does... )

and I guess when I thought he was coming home and went to watch TV but then he didn't come home- he decided he had more money to spend and so went to the local drug store next door to the grocery store- and

bought himself a baseball....

then he desperately wanted me to react- he was telling me about how he's a big boy and I didn't need to worry and he bought this for daddy and Megan.. and do I think they'll like them... blah blah blah.. continuing to talk

and then he wanted me to tell him where he should put the change.. there was money left over, he didn't want to spend all my money- REALLY!!!!

Again, I'm just absolutely keeping my composure, almost ignoring him, acknowledging only with a nod occasionally - not giving him any reaction good or bad.. just moving past this incident...

But damn't ugh.. we aren't there right now!!!

We're not- he's not!!!

What the hell did I miss????

and I do blame myself- what did I miss in his communication that sent him to this level of dysregulation and frustration, anxiety, and whatever else fuels this behavior????

I"m usually so good - and I missed something big time!!!

I understand he is upset he didn't go over to the cousins... but he didn't even give me a chance to offer it to him before he started in with behaviors!!!

What the He## am I supposed to do - except just get him through this situation the only way I know how- and of course not offer to go over there NOW>.. he's telling me with his behavior he isn't able to handle it... can't tolerate leaving his comfort zone...

ugh ugh ugh!!!

He's asleep now, we watched some more of the movie we started last night... remember last night- what a night- family movie night!!!!

What is going on- such high highs and such low lows!!!

Take me off this roller coaster, this mama just needs a break!

These waves are too much for me..

I certainly like a much calmer water, and I can handle waves, but GEEZ

pick a mood!!!!!!

Okay, I got it out- I got out the scariness I felt when he took off- and what am I supposed to do/???

Oh yeah, his bike

ALL BIKES THAT HE COULD POSSIBLY RIDE

LOCKED UP!!!!

Not that he doesn't have 2 feet - but really- he doesn't do that unless he's IN THAT BAD PLACE!!!

I tell ya, this kid- he is so hard to figure out and to stay on top of!!!

That was enough emotion for the month... just be a little easier for the next few days to let this mama breathe!!! PLEASE!

Memory lane

Been clearing out our storage unit after construction finally

and I have been having so much fun, discovering some wonderful and memorable old photos

This one is at my parents house when we started dating back in 1995

Then this one is when Brian came to visit me when I was living in Monterey for my "job" out of college.... he was still in college - I believe this is Feb. 1996

These are our Once upon a time....... beginning photos- 19 years ago... fun times for sure!

Then I stumbled across some sweet photos: this one is of Ty, age 3 and Sarah 5 months..

they really have always had a special relationship- love how he is supporting her head with his tiny hand

and look at their gazing... pure joy moment for those two!

,p>And this one is of Megan, age 9 I'm pretty sure

Just love her beautiful expressive blue eyes!

And already showing us sassy face ;)

Love her... and her silly sassy-ness..... she makes us laugh!

and this concludes my trip down memory lane!

It put a smile on my face- fun times!

Movie night?

Ended our evening last night like this.....

All of us sitting around our family room, watching a movie "We bought a zoo"

Yeah, pretty nice!

It's been a long time since we have been able to do that and Ty has been "willing" to participate

He was all in last night- it was great!

It's just a moment like that after a rough few days that gives us back our confidence that we are doing the right thing for him!

Just as the ocean is.....

He slept until 7:45AM

unbelievable for how things have been going!

And with him doing his "potty" time earlier in the day

it made for lots of play into the night... including basketball in the dark in the street!

Isn't that what summer and being a kid is about!

I wasn't thrilled with it being so dark.. but playing outside until 9:00PM

well, it was a moment for me seeing the significance of this!

I hope he chooses to go on the potty again early today- it was nice NOT having to deal with his anxiety of it late in the day when all he wants to do is play

but today is a new day

a new day means, who knows hour to hour, even minute to minute

He's asleep right now taking nap

girls are at VBS thanks to my sister and brother in law for getting them, allowing Ty and I to stay home and keep him comfortable here

and I wonder when he wakes up, what his mood will be?

what will he want to do, will he want to engage in an activity with me, or just have me watch him

lots of unknowns to start off this day,

one thing is for sure lately- he is as unpredictable moment to moment as the ocean

never turn your back,

always be prepared for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

and save him when he begins to "drown" in his own self

Life ever changing, just as the ocean is

Life unpredictable, just as the ocean is

Life beautiful and precious, just as the ocean is!

My "holy crap" moment

Just have to have a "holy cr##" moment...

my son asked to go on the potty for his bowel irrigation early (and he meant at that moment)...

and this is my "OMG" moment....

he is using a different potty in our house... seem's like no big deal I know

, but for over 5 YEARS now he would only go on the one potty in our house- never a different one (we have 3)....

and the only other place he would allow his irrigations is on our RV- which is why we got it- so we can actually leave our house for a little vacation-

he is so rigid esp with his bowel irrigations

- he was 4 1/2 when we started doing them- from that day-

it was 7:00pm on the

ps (he's realized he can play xbox from the potty in my bathroom, by just turning the TV------ gives him something to do vs just being on computer......

. YEAH!!!!:)

this made me laugh after an already rough morning...

This is so TRUE!!!!!!!!

I needed this laugh this morning... Autism parents have to be some of the toughest, strongest,

emotionally drained,

exhausted but still kicks butt to help their child,

and simplest things can make us

smile and laugh!!!!!

I tried!

VBS for the girls-

I was actually able to bring them - (first time in the car with just me and the kids in well over a year)........ Ty wanted to stay in the car with Gretchen while I signed them in....... and then.......

ugh!

The ride home: apple juice sippy cup flew up to the windshield, spilling everywhere, a DVD came flying at me- he unbuckled himself -

all I could do was get home (all of 1/2 a mile) fast- I already locked all doors (childproof) and rolled down windows to blow the wind on him- hoping to help him experience a minute of calmness so I could get home.... -

hmmm maybe I can arrange a ride for the girls the rest of the week

Autism+sensory overload+anxiety+outside home environment=not good moment

Purple and turquoise....

So my oldest has been away for the weekend-

lucky her- off to play and have a great time with a friend and her family at their mountain cabin.

So excited she got to get away. In this time she's been gone, I made a decision to "surprise her" with her new room we have been meaning to do since we did our house addition, and now our old master bedroom is just sitting, collecting dust, toys have made their way- and my plan was to paint her walls, paint some furniture to match, and well, make it hers!

She chose purple and turquoise as her colors-and with my oh so magical creative loving furniture redo projects, I have made her a platform bed (which btw turned out so cool!)

and since we are trying to clear out "stuff" we had in the garage being stored, but now we have no garage to store things, and we want to stop paying for a storage unit, which means we have lots of cleaning out to do, donating, getting rid of, getting organized to do

and I'm lucky enough to have a beautiful cherry wood, mahogany bed frame that was I believe my Great Grandmother's, which makes it Megan's Great Great Grandmother's old bed

yeah, kind of neat- and I have the matching dresser for it as well (which will go into Sarah's soon to be room once we get Megan out of it)

So rather than this beautiful furniture sitting in storage, just being stored, I decided to paint it so it is colors she wants, but at least it's getting used now rather than just sitting away

I am so glad I did, I painted it this beautiful Coastal Breeze turquoise and then lightly distressed- keeping with the "old" theme of course, and it turned out so beautiful! Now it's a double bed frame, and like I said earlier I made her a platform bed, so how I am using the headboard is just as a single side up against the wall- to give character to the platform bed...I still have to attach it, but I can tell already, it's going to look so cool- it's a bit of old and new combined, it's a bit of color and class, and this color turquoise I found really enhances the beauty in the design of the wood- I love it- it's a great pop of color, and with her purple walls- I just hope I can get more finished today before she arrives home-

This is actually the first "room" she got to pick out colors for- the room she is in was painted before she was in it as a playroom, when she was only 2.

So it's exciting now that she is a "tween" to have a fun exciting big girl room that she helped with ! I hope she likes it!

pictures to follow soon... off to painting!

Here are some pictures:

We went somewhere...

We took a chance last night!

It was a risk, a risk that we could be totally setting him up to explode!

We left our house all together, yes I said, that-

ALL TOGETHER in one car

and yes I also said that

IN ONE CAR

we drove over to Brian's sister's house to have a little swim time

and to finally introduce Gretchen to their dog Buddy

First, Gretchen and Buddy are the greatest friends now

they had so much fun playing like big dogs and the kids all LOVED watching them interact!

And then to swimming

it was great- it was great to see Ty participating, playing, being silly as a 10 year old boy should

We hadn't been over their to swim in almost 2 years now (weren't able to swing it at all last summer)

but with the right supports in place, the right elements, the right day, pretty much all stars aligned just so to help Ty tolerate leaving our home

and he did it!

We did it... it was fun, relaxing and great to see the kids all having such fun with their cousins!

Now I won't ruin this fun experience by telling you the night time routine was a bit harder than the past few days- he was pretty jacked up

still trying to play basketball at 10:45PM

and this morning when he came into my room at 6:30AM

which I"m totally not complaining about- I will take the 6:30AM any day because I know it could have been way earlier

but then he started to insist on watching a cartoon that is kind of an off limits cartoon- and it's off limits because it is too activating to his brain- way too much happening

too stimulating

and I could tell he was a little jacked up this morning as well, but I made a deal with him

If he sat in the squish box, he could watch ONE show (20 minutes in length)

I was trying to avoid the meltdown, yes, I was trying to give him some control, yes, so I figured the squish box would help counteract any "over stimulating" show he would watch!

well this is how my brain was thinking at 6:30AM .... I"m not saying it was perfect plan- just a sleepy tired, want to go back to sleep even for 10 minutes.

you know that feeling

so probably not making the absolute best decision, but in my mind at that time, under the circumstances

it made sense :)

So he did it, which makes me more proud, because with his usual opposition to EVERYTHING

he complied and so he got to watch the show he wanted to watch

Justice League Super Friends

Which I loved Super Friends when I was little, but let me tell you, these new versions are awful!

so much happening, lots of quick flashes, lots of movements

I prefer him to watch old school cartoons if he is going to watch animated show... new cartoons are too much for the brain

old school cartoons are much simpler, therefore not over activating (usually)

which is also why I prefer "real people " shows over animated

we have tested this theory so many times over the years-

there is an absolute correlation of watching a too over activating/over stimulating show and behavior!

I was once told be a great OT- what input goes into the brain, has to be released by output..... what goes in must come out

and if it's too much going in, it's going to be too much coming out- and for my kid,

too much coming out comes in the form of "crazy behavior"

But one thing is we went over to cousins house yesterday evening for about 2 hours to swim and play with dogs and

WE DID IT!!!!

it was fun, enjoyable, and I hope we can do it again real soon! Yeah!

Emergent Curriculum

I have been reading up on more "homeschooling" ideas that could even possibly be a potential interest to my Ty.

Then I found this :

I think this sum's up things pretty well!

It's from the Reggio Emilio philosophy of education- originating after WWII in Italy

It's fascinating, it's more align with the way Ty learns, and it's kind of how we've been doing things anyway with him- because, well, that's what interests him.

I hope to keep learning more and learning more ways so that I can better help Ty, and engage him in more learning activities and be excited about learning!

As I"ve said, he is not a traditional kind of learner- how can we possibly fit him into the strict public education model that doesn't allow for "his" true intelligence and interests to guide him.

and so he's labeled learning disabled

Trust me, if we listen to him and let him guide us - and then work together

Wow- my kid is so smart, and well I want to allow him to learn the way HE CAN!

Not traditional, not wrong, it's just a difference learning style! End of story!

What a difference a day can make

What a difference a day can make!

This picture was the first nice moment we had had in over 36 hours...

Ty did so well on his birthday and with all the events leading up to his birthday (aka school getting out for the girls)

that it ultimately has to express itself someway somehow!

This is just the reality- we call it the fall out- we call it the delayed meltdown..

whatever we want to call it, it always happens!

So Tuesday, just a bad day- overall!

Yesterday was a day where things started to "turn the corner"

starting with a better wake up for him, and then nice play time

Now although I got this picture- the play ultimately ended not so good

but it's back to those moments, they had about 15 minutes of a good playtime

before things started to slide

in my book, I can't ask for more than that!

If it happens, it's just a cherry on top!

So- here's to another 15 minute maybe a cherry on top moment for today!

crappy start to the day

What a crappy way to start a day!

6:45 (that's no the crappy part)

being yelled at, okay more like screamed at for I don't even know what not that it's ever okay- but still don't even know what the heck the problem is

to help me better assess the situation.

then things start flying, Ty is pulling the covers off my bed- I still don't know what is going on

and the reality is in this Autism world, there isn't really anything

probably a thought that has now taken over and controlling him

an idea and probably an imaginary idea that now I"m not doing what he would like me to do to help him carry out this thought!

Stay with me, I know it's hard !

Anyway, took about one hour to finally chill him out- it certainly isn't easy when Brian is trying to get ready for work, he's being cruel to the girls

and we are just trying to help him calm down enough to then further help him

this is definitely an out of control moment! UGH

So, Brian leaves for work, I go to make my coffee, as I do EVERY SINGLE MORNING- my special peppermint mocha made with starbucks espresso, peppermint syrup, mocha syrup (both sugar free) and almond milk..... it's delicious- and well, it's my thing and I won't apologize for that!

And as I prep my coffee to start brewing and getting everything ready, NOOOOOOO

I"m out of my sugar free chocolate syrup- which means only one thing

my coffee will not be right at all! I can do without the peppermint, but to be without the mocha on a day that started off this crappy

NOOOOOO

I even am so desperate I send Megan over to our local store around the corner to pick some up- and I bribe her with she can get herself a donut...

I think it's golden- it's gonna be alright because the syrup will be here shortly- okay, I feel a bit better about this whole thing- minus the continued oppositional defiant behavior Ty is exhibiting- to say he's off to today, well UNDER STATEMENT!

just wait till he finds out he has a psychiatry appt today- this should be fun- in a very very very sarcastic way-

ugh but my syrup is coming- I"m saved soon!

Megan comes back home and say's "Mom they're out of your syrup, but you can pick it up tomorrow they said!!"

WHAT!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOO

why is this day starting off so crappy and continuing to be so crappy :(<

Really-

this my friends is what you call the fall out

the fall out of the way overly excited day of his birthday and father's day and all the new changes in schedule occurring because the girls are out of school

Yep, he holds it together, as hard as he can- but ultimately it has to be released.... and for him

his release is usually a very nutty outer body, crazy thinking, behavior party (okay not really a party but remember I am having a crappy day)

Oh, so back to my coffee for a minute- after Megan came home, no chocolate syrup - and yeah like I can wait till tomorrow- ugh I want it now!!!!

So this is how desperate I got- I made my espresso as usual, and I hunted around the house for anything "chocolate"- and yep, I'm using Nesquik chocolate powder in my almond milk that I will steam and hope to resurrect my coffee for today!

How pathetic, huh?

But like I said, this has started out to be such a crappy day- and I need some mo jo in order to turn it around

I can't just wave a magic wand and have things improve

this job takes some serious ENERGY and PATIENCE...

wonder how it's gonna taste?????? at this point- who the heck cares!

I need to turn this crappy start to our day around and stat

wish me luck!

Did we really end yesterday with no behaviors- on his BIRTHDAY???

What a day it was yesterday!

so much happening, so much excitement, so many expectations, so many frustrations

a whirlwind celebration

a whirlwind of emotions

I'm still wondering how my little birthday boy enjoyed his day?

For most children, birthdays are fun, exciting, and full of joy and smiles!

A typical birthday for my little guy is full of tears, behaviors, frustrations, more tears, a lot of anxiety

and not many smiles.

His 10th birthday, first birthday with Gretchen

was well, I"m not sure- it is so hard to tell- he didn't smile much

he didn't show much joy

he didn't have any major behaviors

he showed a lot of anxiety

and just seemed to be trying his hardest to get through each moment

I would even ask him, " are you having a good birthday?"

no response or he would chime in with his disappointment with his gifts (which is pretty typical- he focuses on all the things he can think of at that moment of time and those are not the things he received

It's kind of hard to explain- but he is also that kid that lists 1000 things every day (never of which are the same 1000s of things - okay a bit of exaggeration I know, but you get my point)

but he's really not easy to please, because nothing really brings him much excitement when he's in this state of just holding his world together

so hard to say, but we did get through it without behaviors, without hitting, without a meltdown- which is pretty monumental in our book!

Below are the pictures that will tell you how the day went... (minus a few from the morning because my camera battery wasn't charged- what kind of mom am I ;) so I had to use my phone- but that's not nearly as good ) anyway- here is the story of my son's 10th birthday!

Ty playing with his new remote control boat- and he stayed pretty blank face the entire time, not one smile or even cringe of a smile

but he did play with it for quite some time-

He also chose Thai Food for dinner- and he wanted to eat it Thai Style- so I set up this low table out in the front yard and we all sat on the ground eating the most delicious Thai food!

Finally got a picture of him smiling- my two special boys on this birthday and father's day!

Ty also chose to have ice cream sundae's for dessert- so I had no where to put the candles- so I quickly grabbed a pot of dirt from the garden and put the candles in

and when he blew them out- yep, dirt went flying too

I thought it was funny, he kind of not so much!

And then one more photo of daddy and Ty being silly with the whip cream for the sundae's.... who doesn't want to just squirt whip cream straight into your mouth, right!

And this was our after dessert activity- Ty got this doggie agility course set for his birthday

and so Ty wanted to have a doggie competition with our 3 dogs- and me and daddy handling Sadie and Oliver!

This kit came even with a stop watch and all the equipment to entertain your dog with agility course work!

You know Ty and dogs- this is pretty much awesome!

So we had 3 rounds EACH- and in the end

Gretchen won first place

Oliver won second place

and well, Sadie was ultimately disqualified due to biting her handler (daddy)... hahaha

well not really biting, more like nipping- so we all unanimously thought it was A. funny,

and B. reason to disqualify her!

and the last picture is the medal ceremony (yes the kit also came with first, second and third place ribbons- how cute is that!)

And even better, Ty agreed to a photo of the participants!

That was a pretty good way to end the festivities

and I know we were all exhausted at this point

so still wondering how his 10th birthday went, but for him

I think it went pretty well for the most part, even if he had a hard time expressing it

I went to sleep last night in awe realizing he had a birthday, and a Father's day, and the day ended without behaviors-

That my friends is what we call awesome and a beautiful day!

He's 10 today!

Happy 10th Birthday to our Ty!

Ty age 6 weeks! Ten years ago our lives forever changed by the beautiful gift of our only son. At that time we had no idea what was in store for his life, the struggles he would endure, the medical problems, the developmental delays.

But he truly is a gift- as he has taught US so much more than I ever knew about myself.

Because of him we are stronger than we ever thought possible. His journey is an amazing lesson in life and has taught us to treasure each and every moment- and to truly appreciate the littlest of things- things that are usually overlooked or under appreciated. He has brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "stop and smell the roses".......

He has his dog Gretchen now and she will continue to help us better help him so that he can experience more happiness and joy in his life....

he has taught us that sometimes things aren't so traditional, and that doesn't mean less,

it's just a different way to experience life.

He is so

passionate about what brings him joy-

animals, dogs, basketball, all sports, science....

and loves to share his knowledge!

He has so many wonderful things to share with the world, and we will continue to help him express it and grow so that others can experience the wonderful joy he truly is.

He really is a gift from God and we are so blessed to be his parents along this journey of life with him.

Happiest 10th birthday to our little boy-

life will continue to get better!

We promise!

read this while singing to the tune of "this is the way we...... "

This is the way Autism can be, Autism can be, Autism can be,

this is the way Autism can be,

especially near a birthday!

Okay, a bit corny I know.

It was almost 10 years ago, at 3:15AM it will be exactly 10 years ago

I woke up in the middle of the night- 10 days before my "official due date"

having pains, contractions, nothing serious at first, just one's to definitely breathe through!

In fact, I didn't even wake Brian up to let him know, I knew sleep would be important at this point at least for one of us!

He woke up to his alarm to start to get ready for work (probably 6:30 or so)

and that's when I let him know I had been up since 3:15AM

with contractions that were about 8-10 minutes apart

still a little irregular

but that today was probably going to be the day

we didn't know if our baby was going to be a girl or a boy

We already had a 21/2 year old Megan- boy or girl, those just weren't important things to us-

of course the old "we just want a healthy baby" is all we cared about.

By 10:00am, we had called the midwife to let her know "my status" and with Megan (my first) coming in a total of 5 hours from start to finish (pretty fast for the first one) they thought for sure this one would be coming fast too, and that I should probably make my arrangements for Megan and then head to the hospital.

So that's what happened next- and shortly after we arrived at the hospital.

So far it is a totally different experience from Megan's birth-

it was a calm check in, nothing "horrible" pain wise happening yet, becoming more regular, becoming a little more intense, but still managing.

And as a few hours passed, thing seemed to have "stalled"

even my contractions were weakening, but I was dilated and things were happening

To shorten the beautiful story of our son entering into the world, by 3:00pm (now 12 hours after starting labor) things were at a bit of a stand still and so we decided to "have the midwife strip the membrane)

with hopes that it will jump start things again....

And jump start it did, by the time it happened probably 3:30PM, she said she would come back in a few hours to check on me

but to check on me was not what was going to happen-

delivery of my baby was next. And at 5:04PM June 15, 2004

after two pushes, we gleefully heard "it's a boy"

It was absolutely an amazing beautiful life changing experience

and we knew instantly we would be calling him "Ty" and his full name would be Tyler Sage

He was a very healthy 8lbs 1oz 21 inches long

He had the most hair, it was amazing how much hair this little guy had- we all kind of teased his hair must have been growing from the day of conception

not only was it dark silky black but it was long

He was perfect, he was our little boy

He was our Ty.

And 10 years later, our little guy Ty is still an amazing, keeping us guessing, intelligent, kind hearted, talented, determined little boy-

and he has blessed our family, even when things are hard, even amongst all the struggles and behaviors

he's always our little boy.

And I do know his birthday causes him distress

just like any special holiday, it becomes such an overwhelming feeling, that it's hard for him to properly respond to the emotions and therefore usually over reacts in a negative way.

and just like tonight- on the eve of his tenth birthday,

he sobbed, he sobbed so hard, he was my little baby again needing so much help from us to properly handle what all he was feeling

it was too much.

It overwhelmed him and it over took his body and all he could do was cry as if he was 2 years old again

It is hard to see him go through this

you can see the pain and conflict it causes him

when he has no control over his body, when he can't understand his own feelings and how to properly express them

it causes him so much pain and frustration and it causes him to blow

It's hard and all we can do is comfort him and hold him

do our best to help him again gain some control over his body

to gain the power to calm down and to be present

It's not easy being Ty- we know that

we see it every minute he is awake

and even when he is trying to rest his body

but 10 years ago our journey with him started and we have always promised him

we will NEVER give up on him

We will always fight for him

We will always love him

He will always be our Ty

So as this day is finally coming to a close, I was awoken at 5:08AM in a very unpleasant manner

having my covers taken off, lights turned on, demands being shouted,

and even being punched and hit

this was not a good start to this day and we knew we had a lot of work to do with him today to get him calm

And as our day ended with sobbing tears, absolute distress, complete loss of control

This is what Autism can be, what Autism is like, and what Autism does to my child

But one thing I know, my child is not Autism, my child is not his behaviors, my child is not a disorder, an illness, a neurological defect

My child is my son, his name is Ty

and he is a very bright, loving, silly, talented little boy

who struggles with a lot more than most people

and that makes his every day living really hard

even on special days like his birthday

So I know tomorrow is probably not going to be an easy day

and I'm prepared to help him through it

Happy 10th Birthday Ty

You are my little guy!! I love you now and forever for always!

This is Ty at 18months... love the smile on his face!

Our first 18 hours.....

Here is a picture story book of how the first 18 hours of Summer vacation is going:

The wine glasses started the evening off during a little BBQ time.

The second picture is some good quality "dog loving" time and Brian "brushing" Ty's back (it's a very helpful sensory calming technique)

Picture 3 is first morning of summer vacation and look who is playing together!!!! Enough said on that one!

And picture number four, this is by 11:45 AM- he and I already walked to the park with Gretchen and Oliver (something a little different)

then when we got back I promised him a zombie nerf war

and I guess it was hard to let go of the Zombie fighting mode, notice the weapon still in his hand while he fell asleep..... silly boy!

It's what life is about

Last day of school for the girls

very exciting day indeed!

Let's see how my little man handles it?!

Luckily he did sleep until 7:30AM

that's the first time in weeks... and of course he went down onto daddy's bed to snuggle

I'm sensing a theme with his sleep pattern:)

The weather is finally cooler, it's a full moon tonight,

schedules have changed for everyone

and as Ty said when he woke up this morning

"only 4 more days till my birthday!"

I'm not sure much else is on his mind these days, but it also means it's a bit overwhelming for him

as birthdays usually are- and this year it's a double whammy of it's also Father's Day!

But he's planned the day, it's a Sunday which is good

and we'll just have to roll with it!

Hard to believe he's turning 10, hard to believe my baby is going into second grade

hard to believe my oldest baby is going into 8th grade!

Where has the time gone? I think this is why I'm needing this "break" right now- just to live

as hard as things sometimes are with Ty, we just need to exist as a family in our home (which is hard to do with people in your house all week long)

I told Megan the other day, this is our year!

She asked what I meant?

I told her, our family goes through a lot, maybe more than the average family (maybe not, it's all just different)

but starting the year off with Brian donating a kidney and being in the hospital

Ty at the same time needing hospital disimpaction and too was in the hospital

it's just been a whirlwind of a year so far, and then getting to go to Canine Companions, which is also a whirlwind experience- 2 weeks, gone,

We've never been gone 2 weeks before-

and now we have Gretchen

Ty is turning the number I always feared- 10

I knew when he was little he would be 10 before we knew it and

this is why I pushed so hard to get him the right supports, services, and help!

And already we are here- he's turning 10

and still a very long scary road lies ahead of us with regards to Ty

so for right now, I'm just going to exist in the present moment,

enjoy each good moment that comes our way

know that the bad moments will pass

and capture the happy memories of what life is about!

That's what's important right now!

So it begins- happy summer!

this picture is of everyone in the pool (except mom) at one time- and it is probably the only time we'll have that happen- but it usually happens once a summer

and as you can see- lots of smiles, all three kids laughing while trying to get daddy-

this is a happy memory, this is what brings me joy, this is a wonderful carefree moment for my family!

Major brain re-set

After a very very very very very very long evening last night (did I mention it was very long)

because of grand mal meltdown

I think it all hit him at once and there was no stopping it

it was exhausting, it was tiring, and as much as Gretchen did help, he just had to get it out

we call this a brain re-set

it went on for about 2 hours total- because just when we think things are better

the tiniest of tiny something would happen and set him off all over again

anyway- was glad when that night was OVER -= it wipes us all out

and then of course today we do this:

A special birthday trip to Target for Ty to spend birthday money he got early- (it's our first time to Target in probably over a year, except the one time during Team Training with CCI..in May. we weren't in a hurry, so it allowed him to change his mind about 100 times before finally settling on a nerf toy- we came home, he climbed into my bed and fell asleep! That is success!It's not easy going out in the world- that is for sure!

Let's just see how the rest of the day goes

I'm a little nervous after last night- but that was what he needed

the big giant brain re=set that is full of crying, emotions, anger, sadness, everything balled into one!

so hopefully today is the fresh start!

The overloaded transition...

just after arriving back home after our quick 1/4 mile drive to pick up little sister (we stay in the car, but it's progress)

we get back home, he fell asleep in the car for about 2 minutes

walked into the house, had a few "unkind" words for Sarah (she was talking and between that overload and the overload of transitioning home after being "out of the house"

I do try and help him by having everyone quietly enter the house until settled (and I know it's hard, and therefore cross words then start flying

it just is the way it is- if it were just me and him arriving home,

he would still struggle a bit, and we find just let him be, don't talk to him, don't request anything of him- let him settle and transition and he will let us know when he is ready (forcing it only causes him great stress and then behaviors)

anyway, so coming home today, we come home, a few unkind words, and he goes and lays down on the dog bed, requesting something from me

I ignore at this point for just a few minutes because of the unkind words and pretty much I know anything I say to him will overwhelm him, period

then Gretchen comes up to him, licks him, lies with him, tickles him

he asks if he can go on my TV and gives very specific instructions for no one to go into my room if he falls asleep

which of course I am totally okay with but I reassure him anyway

he lays on my bed, kind of curled up in a ball, I drape myself over him to snuggle while standing up , I can feel his rapid breathing rate

I see him changing channels

and slowly in a matter of a minute, I can feel his breathing slow down, I'm squeezing him, pressing my weight across his curled up body- knowing he likes the weight on him, and it's calming him down, helping him through this transition,

his breathing becomes more relaxed by the second, I slowly move one arm off of him, slowly move my other arm off of him

just like when he was a baby and would fall asleep- any sudden "change" would wake him, so it's the slow release of pressure and contact so that it's not all at once

he may be almost 10, but as he is on his second nap of the day, which is pretty typical,

it tells you where his "system" is developmentally, under developed, immature, like a baby who cannot regulate itself enough yet to manage all the day to day life events, that are automatic at some point for kids, but as babies, their systems are still developing,

and for Ty, definitely under developed, not mature enough to do these things on his own (regulating his being, things that are automatic, hunger, thirst, hot, cold, loud, etc

his brain doesn't properly process all the input and therefore cannot send the right signal to the proper place to then have the appropriate output/outcome- therefore almost all the time he has an inappropriate response to external stimuli-

and his language deficit doesn't help- he constantly confuses the words, hot and cold saying the opposite (and trust me we live in 100degree weather, I highly doubt he is cold, but I have heard it repeatedly the last several days)

anyway- for him to just lie down, allow me to lie with him putting weight on him, sensing how he is calming down and relaxing his breathing to the point that his body finally slips into slumber.

This is how I know we are doing the right thing for him-

that is what he needed at that moment and he was in a calm enough state, to accept the "presence of me" to help him

this is all we ever want to do - help him- but when he's so not willing most of the time able to accept it

we don't have many choices.

The more dysregulated he is, the less likely he is to accept help from us when he needs it most.

IF he's more regulated, even just a little bit, he is more willing to accept our support to help him further regulate..

and this allows him to exist... and that's why it's so important and why we do what we do for him.

I honestly feel like we have moved him into an entire new "plane" of existent and regulation- one in which he isn't escalating to these very serious degrees of aggression, one in which he is so out of control of his own body he literally walks around as body, creating chaos and havoc because he is not able to make sense of anything- and he's trying- but it's as if it is just slipping further and further away from him- so he spins around faster and faster trying to catch up to it, and all it is doing it speeding up and going further away from him.

We literally feel like he is a tornado twisting through our house at times, knocking into people, things, clearly so out of touch of his own body that he is no longer in control of it- and yet has no idea why or how to change the path

He is amazing, today he is amazing, the moment we had a few minutes ago right before he fell asleep, is amazing.

and it makes me realize how important what Brian and I do for him is, and although he may be 10 in just 5 short days,

he right now is incapable of many things, or doesn't have the energy for many things that he does need us in order to help him make sense of all of this happening around him.

and that's okay!

We will be here always for him- always!

Isn't it up to adults ......

Isn't this so true!

I am amazed how our school system still tries to put each child, who are so diverse, unique, absolutely different in every way (isn't that the point of being a human being)

and we continually try to stuff them into these boxes that make life easier for someone I guess, but the reality is

not only is not good for the child, it's not good for society!

Where is the creativity, where is the compassion and understanding that we are all different with different abilities, and that doesn't necessarily make it a disability

it makes us unique.

And I want my children to know how unique each of them are, with their own interests, talents, likes, dislikes,

I am proud of how unique and different each of them are

How boring would life be if we all liked the same thing, all thought the same way and looked the same

Each child has a God given path- and I will try my hardest to continue to allow them to follow the path that fits them best!

All three of my kids are amazing, special and have unique talents, likes, and ambitions!

Childhood is the time to allow our children to be children, not force a set of expectations when developmentally they are not ready.

And this includes whether a child has special needs or not. All kids have special needs- because they each are different and require different "needs" to help them grow, develop, learn, thrive, and progress in the world.

And just because a child doesn't fit into one's expectations of what is considered "acceptable"

doesn't make sense.

Children all thrive in different environments

Children all need different "exposures, systems, ideas, and supports" to thrive

Isn't it up to us as the adults to help each child no matter what that environment looks like. Isn't it up to us as adults to find the right environment that a child will thrive and live to his/her potential?

Isn't it up to us as the responsible human beings to lift each child up and allow them to learn their way, allow them to thrive even if it's not in the environment that was expected, to allow them to be happy and be children. Allowing kids to be kids and to learn about the world and themselves, in the way that they can learn, well it just makes sense and is the best thing for the child.

And then this produces a happy adult who can find joy and happiness in his/her life and this then leads to a community of compassionate, empathetic and supportive community.

hmmm that would be nice. Don't you think!

Team Training 2014 Canine Companions : a personal note of my experience

A personal post I wrote after feeling emotional watching our Team Training Video memory CD.

Thought I would share here:

we just watched the team training video... jI ust wanted to say it was such a pleasure meeting all of you- and getting to know you, your families and I hope everyone is settling in with their new dog-

We miss hearing how each one is doing, and the special little things that happened the night before. The catch up in the classroom the next morning of the silly things the dogs have done.... it was a very special time.

We are so blessed to have Gretchen in our family and she truly is an exceptional dog for our Ty.... and is everything we hoped she could be for him and more! He is sleeping on his own with Gretchen and daddy on the floor (so phased him out of bed, baby steps) he went in his first bouncy house at Sarah's party- and we had Sarah's party at our house (we've NEVER been able to do that), we take short walks around the neighborhood, and make it back home and he has come with me to the Vet.

I've been picking Sarah up from school (although we're not getting out of the car yet)... but again baby steps....

and all this is happening with not major aggressive meltdowns as before..

. and when he starts to have aggression or a meltdown, Gretchen goes to him and starts licking him and I get her to lay on him (even if he resists, he ultimately can't and it calms him down),

I do hand over hand to pet her with him in that moment and again, it calms him down ultimately before things escalate further!

He will be 10 on Sunday, and most people/professionals have said we just can't keep him in our home when he shows so much danger and aggression to himself and our family- and I knew/know - we know he is an amazing loving little boy who just struggles with everything and has been through so much in his short life- and Gretchen has given our family hope, given us hope that we are doing the right thing for Ty right now

HE didn't get early intervention and help developmentally because the doctor's were all so focused on all his medical problems- even being hospitalized 7x when he was 3.

But he will never again have to go to the hospital without Gretchen, he will never have to go to another doctor's appt without Gretchen, he will never face the scary world that constantly bombards his body, his senses, his being, without Gretchen being by his side helping him through it.

And we are so thankful to have gotten to know all of you and your stories and what an amazing experience CCI Team Training May 2014 was for our family. You are all amazing and we wish you all great success in your futures!

And can't wait to hear all the sweet little things that occur with these exceptional dogs-

The right thing and a first for him

So after an enormously,

scorching hot

full of stimuli

pure excitement of Sarah's 7th birthday party (finally got my act together)

and it was the hottest of the day so far- literally 104

and and are you ready.... this is big...

Ty's first time EVER in a bouncy house!

Sometime later I will go into the absolute trauma that bouncy houses have caused us over the years (not from an experience, but by literally a presence- if he saw one in the corner of his eye...

he was GONE!

Ever since he was little...this has been an issue..

And I literally forgot, well kind of...

and to surprise Sarah for her party which was also a monumental event taking place AT OUR HOUSE (which I think has happened 3 times EVER between all my kids

so 10 little 6-7 year old girls, a surprise bouncy house for Sarah (and yes she was so excited) plus all our usual play equipment including my free standing rock wall I made

and I hadn't even realized it until last night at bedtime, after all festivities were over

Ty had never been in a bouncy house before...

and let me tell you He HAD SO MUCH FUN!

and as difficult day as it was because so much happening around him- HE DID IT!

and only minor outburts ... it was amazing... cool part too was the party was only 1 1/2 hours long (I"m a short and sweet kind of party thrower) and yet the bounce house was a 5 hour rental.... which meant bouncing before the party- bouncing long after the party was over...

it also had a slide in it.. but all 3 of my kids were having such a great time...

cousins stayed longer to play and jump

and don't get me wrong- it was a hard day for him, he struggled, he cried, but each difficult moment, we got through without HITTING or THROWING>.. Gretchen helped a lot

it was so nice and it was how I had hoped the day would go.

in fact during the party at the very end Ty wanted to bring Gretchen out and show her offZ

so she did her thing by "getting" the goodie bags and bringing them to each child.... Ty was proud, the kids loved it- it was a very good moment for him.

and then he asked who ever wants to shake her hand to come up and say "shake".. the kids loved it-

this is that part where they say dogs can help "bridge" the social part that kids on the spectrum struggle so much with... yeah that- big deal!

Love this dog, love how she is every day changing our son's life and our families life and we are seeing the most amazing things from him already!

Incredible day for all of us- a special party day for Sarah, and I know Gretchen will continue to be by his side through some of the tough transitions coming up (end of school, change in routine, exploring outside our home just a little bit more, and simply experiencing what it is to live and be happy

such an awesome mommy moment, such an awesome parent moment and such a wonderful feeling inside that we are "doing the right thing" for our son

that is exactly how I feel about our entire situation

no one said it would be easy, we are not expecting it to be easy

but certainly we are doing the right thing for Ty

this I know!

SELF REGULATION : it happened!

What a difference a new day can be for my little guy!

Much happier, much calmer, much more present, and at the same time

taking the "time" he needs where he closes out the rest of the world and zones in on a particular TV show.

I know many people would say how unhealthy that is, or turn off the TV, it's not good for his brain....

what I say to it is "he is regulating" on his own!

This is what regulating can look like, especially for him

Just like last night at dinner- he again asked to eat down by the computer to watch his show (and trust me, what he is allowed to watch is very specific and limited as to NOT cause dysregulation, be inappropriate, very carefully added to our approved list of shows)

and so even then I was so proud he asked to eat elsewhere, rather than at the dinner table

because it means he was not able to be at the dinner table, around the family, eating food, etc

it meant he knew he couldn't do it

so asking to eat elsewhere is HUGE!!

Our dinner time, which is supposed to be a wonderful family sit around the table enjoying a meal time discussing our day time

well it's not for this family!

We strongly believe in eating as a family

but believe me it is so HARD!

Ty struggles so much with being around others while eating who are also eating, has so many "food" aversions

what we hear most of the time at dinner is "Sarah stop chewing so loud" "Megan (in a whining voice) be quiet"

This my friends is called sensory overload at it's finest, people gathered, food, smells of the meal, looking at the meal, talking, chewing, it is one time of day that absolutely gets him dysregulated!

But the occasional dinner time can be pleasant and a great family time

and also when he asks to not be with the family-

well sure, it saddens me that he isn't able to be with us, but at the same time I am so proud because he knew he couldn't do it and therefore removed himself!

This is what SELF- REGULATION is all about!

something's up...

Fourth day in a row my little guy has gotten up at 3:00am ish in the morning and

NOT gone back to sleep! Not sure why, not sure what is waking him up where he's not able to get back to sleep...

but certainly something is up....

The boy needs to sleep.. doesn't his body know that! :)

Hope we can help him sleep better tonight!

A venting session- warning

I needed a venting session today... so this is a post on a local special needs FB group:

just venting: We are completely (well me) enjoying our "break" from ABA in home with the behaviorists... and I totally feel my son is actually doing better -in that he is more regulated with them not here- which then feeds into behaviors because of dysregulation... he is an extreme SPD kid... and regulation is so difficult for him, and to me they totally miss this (although I have explained, given literature, encouraged them to talk to his OT, etc... - trust me, life is still hard all the time,

but he is so much happier, and now that we have his service dog Gretchen... she is such an amazing tool and resource for him AND ME>>> she helps me calm him down when he starts to escalate into a behavior...

I know my son, I know how to help him, his world is really hard- between his Autism, mood disorder, (this is probably more related to regulation in my opinion), and of course all his medical issues- PTSD, .. he is very complicated- not one doctor FULLY understands him... we are always learning something new...

but I"m in a place, where I am ready to just stop "forcing" this external world society says is how it's supposed to be, stop forcing this idea of "expectations"... he doesn't learn in a traditional manner and isn't able to attend a school environment of 30 plus kids- well, we tried it "their way " one too many times and now almost two years later we finally have at least some what of a happy boy who finds joy in a few things, eats food, and even smiles and laughs more than occasionally now!

No one is going to take that away from him - no one....

he will be 10 in less then two weeks... how many more years will we "lose" trying to continue this "mold" - because as much as people say they are accepting... they are accepting when it fits their regimen... he doesn't fit into others regimen, he truly is in his own shape that no one knows what to call.. but to me-

THAT IS OK!

I don't want to spend 3 more years "trying" to make this therapy work or that therapy work, when we know what works (even if it doesn't allow him to participate in life the way "society " says he should...

he is participating within our family- doing it all these other ways, only causes more problems...

I want to fully accept my son for the child he is, and accept we have no idea what his future holds, but he lives in our home (and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible.... ) I don't care if he struggles playing a board game.... (he doesn't even like playing them... so let's move on)...

I know he gets absolutely overwhelmed by well, pretty much everything... but I know how to help him and to not make the situation worse.. because after 2 1/2 years of ABA - agencies switching on us... we are still in the same boat pretty much from when we started... and I"ve seen more progress in this break then I've seen in a long time.. not easy- but he is more regulated and also recovers more quickly - esp with Gretchen now... he doesn't want to engage with us- fine... let him have his space-

I know what he is telling us when he isn't able to respond .... if I force it, I know what will happen... if we ride it out.. life moves on... why is this so bad? It's what he needs, it's on his own time, and when a family deals with so much, when a child deals with so much...

I just want him to live each day to it's fullest, each day to enjoy what comes his way , our way, and help him through his tough days and moments and celebrate the easier days and better moments....

end of story!

Thank you for letting me vent... It's such a frustrating situation because people still think as parents, we don't know and the professionals do know... and unless we work better as a team... well, it's just not the progress we are looking for. I don't care if he has gone from waiting 15 minutes to greet the behaviorists on arrival into our home, down to 5 minutes.. which still varies depending on his regulation more than anything... so is that progress when it's still very inconsistent?? okay- done..... thanks ! LikeLike ·

Time is precious, life is precious, my son is precious... and with almost 10 years have passed- trying to figure things out, doctor's appts, hospital stays,therapy appt, psychologists, evaluations, testing, more testing, seeking second opinions, blood tests, medical tests, bowel irrigations, illnesses, ER visits, more hospital visits, surgical procedures, this specialists, that specialists, being poked, medicine, pills, this is what his life has been for 10 years now

And I think we need to just BE! And the nice thing is, we can right now. Another irrigation is coming up soon, we can tell, that then requires a visit to the surgical center for bowel irrigation under anesthesia, this is his world 2 x a year minimum... every night irrigating him at home...but other then this right now

he is healthy... he eats food, has even weight on him to spare (which compared to 2 years ago, we were talking G tube because he wasn't eating again... I don't want to turn around and he's now 15 and we are still "looking ahead"... I try so hard to live each moment to it's fullest, to enjoy each happy moment that comes our way and know that each difficult moment will pass...

it's time to actually live what I believe!

It's the best thing for him right now!

And that's important!

Love love love swimming

And this is him after swimming.....

love love love swimming..

it's like a giant weighted blanket that envelopes his body and

gives him the best deep pressure he needs to calm his nervous system!

How great is this:

notice he is a "Ty sandwich" between the two girl dogs... Sadie up by his head and Gretchen leaned up against his back.....

again- such good input to help him regulate!!!

The quick switch in mood by my superhero

Morning wake up call came today a 6:15am...

which I don't mind when he is calm, respectful of the others in the house sleeping,

he "quietly" not really, but trying to be quiet- playing xbox NBA basketball

which is now housed in my room, but he doesn't like to be alone, so I'm okay with it,

as long as he's quiet and not causing problems.

He had Gretchen by his side and he even took her out to go potty!

So I don't mind the early wake up call

but what I do mind is the nuttiness behavior that out of no where takes over his body and throws him into the trenches of a manic episode

where he's hyper, literally bouncing off the walls, being loud, kicking people for no reason

demanding, cruel, and plain out of his mind

WHAT DID I MISS!!!

What just happened, what did I miss, why the complete turn in state of mind!

ugh.. Mind you now it's only 7:something in the morning

everyone is now up and trying to get ready for the day

and I"m dealing with "behaviors" ....

He's being demanding, rude, aggressive and I know it's not escalating much more (as it used to) because I have Gretchen on the job!

She's trying to work her magic-

I'm helping her by holding him a bit so she'll lick him and tickle him to break this cycle!

But as a parent, as the mom trying to get the girls off to school,

just waking up (well not really since I was woken up at 6:15am), but tired, haven't yet had my coffee, and

darn it just want a peaceful morning, and I"m getting very frustrated!

and my frustration only fuels his what ever is happening inside his brain crazy thoughts

These are the mornings that I dread, that I feel it's never going to be different, it's always going to be hard!

We have moments of fun, moments of laughter, moments of calm, moments of silliness, moments of snuggles, moments of peace

I just want these moments to be far more a part of our daily life, and the behaviors, anger, aggression, frustration, unkind words, threats, opposition, hyperness, to be only moments and not the "norm"!

It's not easy waking up to "having to be on guard and on alert" and trying to tame behaviors

He's asleep (as he does when everyone finally leaves the house to go to school and work)

It is quiet, it's nice, I'm drinking my coffee, the dogs are all asleep (Gretchen laying with Ty on her dog bed)

and me wondering how the rest of this day will go?

When he wakes up, will his mood be turned around? Will he want to participate in fun things with me? Will he be obsessed over one thing? Will that cause behaviors?

The anxiety of always needing to be "on guard" because you never know how he'll respond to something and I have to be prepared (because when I"m not and I"m caught off guard, well it's really not good- and usually makes the situation worse!)

But it is tiring!

So, cheers holding my 20oz cup of home made peppermint mocha with almond milk- to a better rest of the day!

love photos like this, because he's so sweet when he's snuggling a dog sleeping peacefully- and well look at him...

this picture isn't from today, but I just needed another reminder that today can get better, and if not, I just have to work extra hard at helping him stay calmer, be calmer, be present and realize it's a day he is struggling! So here is another great photo that reminds me of him all the time! And is perfect for a day like today