This too will pass..........

trying to not be negative

but it is absolutely exhausting beyond exhausting when you have a child, who requires 100% plus of your attention due to severe anxiety and dysregulation and his ability to cope is in the hole and all he can do is bounce off the walls trying his hardest to "make himself feel better"

We are in the midst of a huge transition

changing meds, he's growing, the environment around him is in transition- Halloween festivities are on his mind, the days are getting shorter, the nights come much quicker- when he is used to playing outside till 7 or 8

It's now dark, there are more dark hours than light hours

and for a child who desperately fears the dark, well that creates for a very uncertain child who feels more anxious, more out of control and more fearful of his surroundings

and that sucks!

We started on a higher dose of Memantine today- as he doesn't seem to be having any side effects, and really having no effects- so we went up on the dose!

We'll have to wait and see... and I'm going to have to dig really really deep into my patience vault because he is on my last nerve these days

He is very difficult to be around because he's angry and constantly having outbursts

but yet seeks desperately to be with me or Brian because he is so insecure and out of touch with his own body

These are the things I know, and I know it too will end with time, he's changing, we're in a time of change, and well that is the hardest thing in the world for him to handle

He can't help it- if he could, he would!

This is my rational brain side... then there is the tired, exhausted, frustrated, not getting one quiet minute during the day

it's constant chaos, it's constant inability to focus and make good choices, his constant everything

and it's not his fault, it's not anyone's fault

This is just how life is at times-

but hell it is so hard sometimes!

It starts the minute his eyes pop open and ends only when his eyes finally close at the end of the super long day

and even that, he is NEEDING to sleep with Daddy again- which tells you how hard this time is for him

he was doing so well, sleeping in his own bed, with Gretchen and well, he just can't right now!

So I need to stay strong, he more than ever needs to rely on me being consistent with everything else is crumbling around him in his mind

I will do my best to stay calm and balance his inability to be calm and grounded

and I will as always just continue to love him, no matter how hard some days and moments are

and I do know, that this too will pass!

I"m just hoping sooner rather than later :)