and here we are back to a Monday!
A run down of the fast weekend that quickly went away
My oldest had her opening show on Saturday- just wow! I love seeing her doing her thing, singing, dancing, acting
This is what she is supposed to do- it's what she loves and you can tell!
Littlest and I enjoyed the show so much- unfortunately as our life goes, Brian and little dude were not able to come with us
I bought tickets, I was hoping hoping hoping we could go support Megan as a family
But Saturday proved to be a difficult day for him and going would have only been harder for him
So Brian and him stayed home, and either Brian will see the show another weekend, or I"m really hoping he and Ty (and of course Gretchen) can go together
Family things altogether usually are just too much
let alone then being in an overstimulating, with lights, sounds, crowds, environment
Sunday then approached just as quickly as Saturday- and with all the issues littlest is having with her bowels, we are trying a new medicine "to stimulate" her bowels for complete emptying
nothing major, just something to help clean her out better than the Miralax and to help her body with it a bit- and of course she refuses to take it!
Her own anxiety is really been at an all time high since school started, my confident, outgoing, energetic knows what she wants kid has been stuffed deep down inside and her fears, anxiety, rituals, have been creeping out more and more
and making things harder for her!
But this is where I just can't fight.... I can't spend 3 hours getting angry (because trust me it is so frustrating knowing this will possibly help her, and yet she's 7, I can't force it down her, I can't convince her to take it, I can talk till I'm blue in the face, and bribe her with everything under the sun- but she refuses and so that's the end of it!
She even apologizes to me for not taking it- she wants to do it- but is simply paralyzed by her fear and can't dig deeper right now to over come it
what am I supposed to do?
And I truly do not have the energy nor do I want to sit there convincing her, forcing her, threatening her, explaining to her to take it- trust me I did do all those things, it turned into a battle, and her upset- me frustrated- and so I have to let it go
maybe today will be different, but this is a med to take every day and I can't battle every single day over a medicine- sure she gets the consequence, sure she will slowly remember the next time she has bad cramping- maybe it's been too many days since she had one so bad she was crying- which is great, but we know she still needs the medicine
maybe today?
It is what it is, and I feel like a horrible mother that I can't take better care of her, help her so she doesn't hurt, but she's not a baby, she's a big girl with big feelings, big emotions, and big instincts
and probably with time she'll realize, and I know she knows this
that we are just trying to help her with her horrible cramping, and quite honestly taking the medicine will either work or not work, but we need to know and it will then give us more information on what's going on
it's the first step in our plan from the GI doctor and the next step is looking inside, scoping- and that maybe necessary anyway, but starting with something simple so we can then determine if that's necessary or not, and help her just feel better!
It is so hard putting your kids through these medical things- I hate it and I hate that they have to go through it- It's hard with Ty, it's hard for Megan, it's hard with Sarah... all three- something, all three similar issues on different levels- all three fearful, all three scared, all three struggling in each of there own ways!
And I hate that!
But this is why it's moment to moment- because you just never know what the hell will happen in the next moments- Sarah having such bad abdominal cramping she's crying and screaming in pain (yeah that's how bad it gets)
Ty overwhelmed by his environment that he is lashing out at everyone and simply can't control himself
Megan feeling frustrated because she is disorganized and overwhelmed herself especially by Ty's behavior because it doesn't allow room for her to use her coping skills and causes frustration and takes her out of her comfort zones and then she is lashing out verbally at everyone
Yeah, that's a pretty typical day here right now- so I'll just take one moment and a time, one moment to smile, one moment of quiet, one moment of peace, one moment to just be present and breathe
really that's all I can do- because some days are just stinkin' hard!
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