He told me he wasn't confident....... wow!

Well, somehow we managed to survive another week of school, activities, birthdays, basically life!

Wasn't always easy (okay it's never easy, but it wasn't always as hard and difficult as it could have been)

Friday was no different.

Friday brought baseball, some behaviors, a nice shared lunch, and this.....

It was time to get Sarah from school

Ty fell asleep at around 12:30- after a little behavior

He slept until 2:15pm which was perfect because it was time to get Sarah.

But I knew better to than just jump into "we have to leave and get your sister"

I know I need to be delicate with a transition of just waking up and also leaving the house

So gave it a few minutes, and he some how knew it was time to get her- and declared" I'm not going to get Sarah"

huh??? Not s good sign!

But I ignored it and proceeded to "prepare" to leave by packing a snack and cold water and get Gretchen leashed up

He clearly knew it was time, he saw me getting ready so I simply said I would be waiting in the car for him

But he quickly reminded me he wasn't going. Meanwhile, time is ticking and my little one is going to be out of school very soon and I won't be there on time unless he starts cooperating!

And yes it's frustrating as heck that I have only one thing to do in the day, to pick up little one- and even that can be this difficult- but that's just how things are

I'm patient, I wait it out a bit, I honk the horn and ultimately get the sense he isn't going to come as you clearly stated

So I use my cell and call the home number and speak to him through the answering machine- and said I have to get Sarah, I need him to get into the car

he comes outside, but again just declares he's not going

So I did something I've never done before, and boy I was hoping it was going to work because I truly didn't want to do this but I felt I really needed to get Sarah at this point and that's just how it's going to be, whether he came with me or not

So I simply asked him to come out to the car- and to come closer - and I said to him, fine, you don't want to come, that's your choice, but I have to get her, so if he really isn't going to come, then here is what he DOES need to do: go back in the house- lock the door, do not answer it for anybody- don't answer the phone, and I then proceeded to tell him that he will be home alone, and that I didn't think he was quite ready to do that, but this is how he stays safe staying home alone. And I again asked if he was sure he was okay being home alone while I went and got Sarah, I wouldn't be gone more than 15 minutes.

He went back into the house and then quickly came back out and told me wait, I just need to get my shoes- he then told me he didn't feel confident that he wouldn't open the door if someone knocked....

And then he confused his language, but I knew what he was saying

this happens a lot, mixing up the use of words, when he is trying to say one thing, but he says something different, or the opposite,

okay pause for a moment having a brain blank

Can't remember the word he used when he got into the car.. ugh... it was so cute, and I knew what he meant, but it was a word choice that didn't fit the scenario, but it also made sense in a weird kind of way if you know my kid

And I guess for now I am just going to have to think hard about it and get back..

maybe when I finish my coffee :)

Anyway, just trust me, it was awesome- and for him to say he didn't have confidence in himself that he wouldn't open the door for someone

therefore he got in the car so we could pick up little sister

WOW!!! What a good choice he made and thank God my plan worked, (they don't always) but every so often... victory!

I was so proud of him, and I told him I was so glad he made that choice- because I didn't feel he was quite ready to stay home alone and I thought he would be too scared to be there

and I didn't want him to feel scared- because we'll know when he's ready to stay home, but he's still young

And I told him I never stayed home alone at his age, and that it made me too scared- which meant I wasn't ready

so yeah, life lesson, blah blah... took full advantage of this time - and for me as his mom, what a relief!

What a relief that he made this decision that he wasn't ready yet, and I knew I was not in a position at the start of this entire "thing" to order him, push him, negotiate with him.... that would have been disastrous , trust me!

So, that was a pretty incredible moment- a moment that I felt confident with what choice I made in how to handle a particular situation, and relieved and proud that he too made a good choice. This was a rare moment by our standards, and gives me hope that sometimes good decisions will be made-

After all, he came with me 4 times this week to get Sarah from school, this is the 3rd week of doing this, and if that's all I can do with him and maintain his ability to some what regulate / co-regulate and him be calm and not as aggressive and explosive, it will be fine!

Never said easy, but this is where we have to fully understand baby steps, and not taking too many bigger steps too soon- and knowing when to pull back, and knowing when he's struggling and knowing when his environment is too much for him to tolerate

Because he still does not have those skills, he still struggles to understand what happens to his body when it's being assaulted by external factors, he doesn't understand how to help himself or to cope with the situation

And when you take a step back, look at the world through his lens,

You can understand how the external environment literally beats down his system and it's ability to process and made sense of it all.

Everything, the sun, noise from cars, kids playing, dogs barking, the heat (and it's hot here still), so so so many things

and it literally sends him most of the time straight to fight or flight...

That's just how his body reacts - it's how his nervous system processes or doesn't process everything that he comes in contact with-

and when EVERYTHING is bigger, brighter, louder, hurts to touch, and you don't know how to properly "make it more comfortable"

yeah, the world is kind of scary then! But baby steps- baby steps!

A brief description of what Sensory Processing Disorder is:

"Children with SPD misinterpret sensory information from the five well-known senses -- touch, vision, hearing, smell and taste -- and from three less-known senses, the vestibular sense (feelings of balance, movement and position in space), the proprioceptive sense (feelings of body awareness and posture) and the interoceptive sense (internal body and organ perception and regulation).