Oh boy......

Once again- perfect timing of a good reminder: From Autism Discussion Page: "We need patience, consistency, and frequent repetitions to teach consistent routines."

" 1. Poor ability to check their impulses long enough to “think” about what to do. 2. Poor ability to “appraise” what is needed and how to do it. 3. Poor ability to monitor what they are doing, while they are doing it. 4. Poor ability to read the effects their behavior will have on others. 5. Poor ability to “think” about the consequences that will happen. These are all “executive functions” that occur in the prefrontal lobes of the brain, that are weak in all young children, especially those with Autism and ADHD.

Yep,.... all of this!

and yep, it is tiring!

I'm sure for all of us.... this is 24/7!

Needed this reminder

Just don't have the energy

today, has been a long day so far.. and it's not even close to bedtime!

As good moments have happened

certainly some difficult one's as well!

And after being hit in the face last night - and yes of course he said he didn't mean to hit me in the face, but when someone throws something, it might end up being worse than what the person who was throwing the object had intended..... yes that happens... maybe someday that will register with him

But a stack full of paper cups at bedtime (after a good day too) just got to me!

I couldn't help but go to bed in tears, I was overwhelmed, I was tired, I was frustrated that his frustration about anything ends in an aggressive lash out, throwing objects

and although we've had good moments today, there was the "aggressive verbal lashing out" and quite honestly, it's tiring!

I just want one day, ONE DAY of no conflict, of no aggressive behaviors, of no verbal insults, unkind (okay mean, but we use the word unkind to show him kind words and unkind words.... )... but damn they are mean sometimes- why? Because he is constantly in this dysregulated state more than a regulated state

I feel like all my efforts, all our efforts, all the things we do just can't keep up with the pace of his growth, the pace of his anger, the pace at which his world spins

and where does that leave us?

Like I said, just one day of "nothing" and I quite honestly don't even know if that's possible!

and that is frustrating to me

as great as moments are- just one long 24 hour period of great moments is desperately needed right now... a long long moment to breathe, to relax-

to be present as a family!

and I'm not sure that is possible at this point.

Just feeling a bit sad today,

some days the constant aggressive, negative, anger fury gets to me... it's stressful constantly having to "tame""protect"distract""teach""change" the mood

and as many times today as I was able to turn him around- I guess I just don't have the energy and the day isn't over!

I will try to dig deeper for patience that I know must be in there, energy that must be stored way deep down for days like this

and let's hope he is able to better help himself the rest of the day as well!

Busy monday.......

Busy Monday morning.....

.volcano eruptions, then we made Pad Thai.

And with a full belly, he is asleep!

This.......:)

From Autism Discussion Page:

"You’re the teacher, therapist, coach and mentor!...........Teach by showing and “doing with”, rather than “telling”, and instructing.......... Learning through relating, is the key. It adds value to all that is done..........................

For those children who are hard to engage, find any and all ways to “be” together, in whatever he or she is doing throughout the day. If the child will not follow your lead, incorporate yourself in what your child is doing. Be together, hang together, and share the experience together..........

The world is your classroom, the lesson plans are nothing more than the normal daily activities that fill up your day."

So many led him wrong.....It's hard to trust

This was my post to a blog "Autism Discussion pages"..... on school difficulties

I love reading all these discussions pages he posts because quite honestly, it gives me the validation (not that I need much, but you know I am human) that we do know our child

we do know what's best for him

we have been steered so many wrong directions for so long

and where did it get us?

Well, somewhere that is far from where he needs to be!

And it's almost as if my thoughts, which can sometimes be hard to put into writing, can be hard for me to express, has always been pushed to the side, always diminished to "helicopter mom",continuously stuffed away by others

but in reality, we continue to be on the money, on the mark, right on, however you want to describe it

we have been ########## right every time!

So, I like reading these posts, that well, they do give me the validation that I sometimes need, especially during more trying times .... we as his parents have been put into the spot light- which is the last place Brian and I are comfortable

and put our selves out there to help our son

to try and get resources, to try and get him the help he so desperately needs

and our parenting has been constantly judged, criticized, continually looked out through a microscope

which by the way- is so hard

but if it meant getting the help necessary for our son- yeah, bring it on

and we stood up, we continue to stand up, we continue to question, we continue to scream from the top of our lungs-

and nothing will stop us, nothing will force us to stop helping our son!

So, yeah, I really like this post and question us, but never ever doubt us and what we know about our son and our willingness to help him no matter what!

sorry got side tracked... so here is my response to the original post

"love this.... and quite honestly the bigger issues we now continue to deal with my son started the minute he began pre school- age 4 when we didn't know have all the information we needed to better support him, no one trusted us as his parents and ignored all of our concerns- and now 6 years later, he isn't able to attend to school, and experienced so much trauma through all the "trials" that he isn't able to attend to much outside our home environment.... I do wonder what if he had all the right supports and resources from the beginning, would it have made a difference? I don't let myself go there very often as it's just really difficult to think it could have... we do what we need to do for him now, and things are done our way, his way, period.... it's just what he needs- and we are the only one's who understand that about him- it's hard to trust after so many led him wrong!"

This was the original post I posted my comment to

When you have problems processing multiple information simultaneously, have strong sensory issues, experience difficulty with co-regulating and feeling safe with others, fear uncertainty, and have a need to control the demands around you, school can be a very chaotic, overwhelming experience. Just making through a regular school day can be very taxing. It often takes numerous accommodations and supports to make the environment safe and accepting for the child. — from Autism Discussion Pages

A good day even with "eruptions"-

Although Sarah stayed home with bowel issues....we had a great day learning about volcanoes. We read a book. We watched 'how the earth was made volcanoes'.....and check out our volcano model that once dry we will paint and watch it erupt:)

. Oh and best part I didn't have to 'escape' the house once today due to behavioral over reaction. Yeah for a good day!!

Funny how even with eruptions, from Volcanoes - we had a good day..... what's different

hmm let me think, let me think

oh yeah...... OUR BUBBLE IS ZIPPED TIGHT!

PERIOD!

talk about just going back to what we know to help him

yep, back to our bubble, as hard as it may be at times- but minimizing all external stimulation, not going anywhere, not adjusting routine too radically

and then I have a boy who wants to engage, wants to learn, wants to participate, is happy, is kind, is just simply a little boy!

How the hell can anyone tell me we aren't doing the right thing for him based on this ... this is how it has been since he was literally a baby

and well.... it's simply what he needs right now...

in the future, who knows, but right now he is still unable to tolerate the external stimulation that life throws around everywhere....

today he and I will paint the volcano, we will read some "facts about Hawaii"- (this is my sneak in of learning... pretending I'm a teacher, we'll call this our "geography, geology, US History lesson" ... starting with Hawaii

heck today he wants to watch a documentary "How the Earth was made- Pompeii"

I mean seriously, how many 10 year old boys want to watch a documentary on Pompeii...... yeah my boy- and this is exactly what emerging curriculum is, exactly what child led learning is about- this is education - learning, and then wanting to learn more.... not traditional, but clearly traditional is a bit over rated... I want my kids to love to learn!

I want my kids to love to explore and try to figure out the answers to their awesome questions themselves

I want my kids to discover how to "think", how to dissect information, how to pull together information they learn and have there own thoughts based on fact.... not sure traditional education actually teaches the model of "kids learning" especially based on their own interests and development.

By the looks of my 2nd graders homework, it's just read and test, read and test.... what does that actually teacher her?

I didn't know how to "learn" in all my years of formal education, through college even

until quite honestly I became a mom!

I didn't know all the things that I am actually genuinely interested in, and my kids have shown me how to learn, how to explore my interests... we do it together!

And well, this kind of knowledge is much more powerful and motivating then - read this, because that's what the state tells us is important for your grade level!

Just not a fan!

I get all the other aspects of what public school offers, and my girls both love it... .

but quite honestly, the way our family lives is what inspires them to continue learning, the fact that last night me and the kids sat and watched a documentary together on Mt. St. Helens.... and they loved it!

That is pretty special, and that makes me proud as their parent.

It's about the moments, not the day to day crap that comes our way so much of our days

That was a great moment, building a volcano with Sarah and Ty was a great moment, Megan and Ty discussing Mt. St. Helen's last night during the documentary- that's a great moment

I live for great moments!

And my dream some day is for my kids to continue their passion for learning and I know that they will do something great with their passions!

And most importantly, show compassion towards others always!

Because reality is our society does not show enough compassion for our fellow humans.... and especially if one "falls outside the traditional model of what our society deems as "acceptable"....

but lucky for my kids, Brian and I do not care and we will continue to support our children in ways that help them as individuals thrive and be happy

No matter what!

And Ty has experienced enough trauma and pain in his short little life

How can we expect him to continue doing things "their way"

The boy is a fighter, he has had to be, I'm not about to take that fighting spirit away- just tame it, help him see how to use his passion and fighting spirit in good ways, and help him learn to better cope with the so many things that have caused him pain and agony

No matter what it takes, how long it takes, I won't, we won't ever give up!

He has so many amazing talents, amazing qualities, amazing gifts

our job is to help filter the world so that he can let them out! And maybe someday, he'll learn how to better filter the world himself

but until then, he's got us!

Inclusion/Mainstreaming..... from Autism Discussion Page- this is my kid!

from Autism Discussion Page: Inclusion/Mainstreaming " In theory it is great. However, it works well only if the right resources are there to support your child. Many school districts implement the model, but know very little about autism, and do not know how to support them, or cannot adequately fund the resources.

I have seen some children blossom in inclusion, and others withdraw and regress. If the child does not feel "safe, accepted, and competent" in the classroom, he may withdraw and shut down, or possibly even meltdown or act out.

If the child doesn't feel safe and accepted, he/she will frequently shut down during class (may even seem fine behaviorally) and then meltdown once he gets home."

Mentally draining, shutdown, overload..... school

from: Autism Discussion Page...........School or Home School? Education is not just an either/or process! "Self contained classrooms for children with special needs or mainstream inclusion? Formal schools or home school? We tend to look at education as an all or nothing decision.

When it comes to full days at school, it is plain that for many children on the spectrum, it is simply too mentally and emotionally draining for their nervous systems to handle.

If you have followed the series on cognitive issues in autism, we discussed how the brains of people on the spectrum have difficulty processing multiple information simultaneously. Essentially this means that 80% of what the neurotypical child processes subconsciously with minimal mental energy, children on the spectrum have to process consciously (think it though), which is mentally draining.

Everything about school, sensory bombardment, task performance demands, and ongoing social/interaction requirements are very overwhelming for many on the spectrum. Their brains often become taxed and overloaded, requiring them to “shutdown” in order to avoid overload. A child cannot learn in shutdown mode!"

Even on the hard days....

Well transitions certainly were pretty sucky today!

But after the first big transition of me coming home after an IEP meeting this morning

which unfortunately he woke up because the dogs were barking

I only had to leave the house for about 1 hour and walked around the block 3 times, and then it turned into a silly game at that point

where he forgot what he was doing and clearly was over whatever issue PO'd him in the first place..

oh yeah, I remember he wanted me to take him to Farmer's Kitchen to get treats

and before I could even give him an answer, he blew like a volcano

so I left- luckily this time I was dressed rather then being in my PJ's!

I'm starting to think my neighbors think I'm a bit wacko

always walking around the neighborhood, carrying my purse, sometimes in my PJS!

I'm always descent, just wearing my pajamas- which is already uncomfortable that I had to "leave" the house urgently!

But Thursday it was for four hours!

Yesterday was for 2 hours

Today only about an hour!

Now that's progress, right!!!

Plus you guessed it- back to our big fat zipped air tight bubble!

It's clearly what he needs and it's clear the little "escapes" we've done are not as easy as we anticipated

in fact, it's too challenging to him and his nervous system

He doesn't even realize what happens!

He's so not aware of what he does, how things affect him, how to communicate it, and see's no correlation between "going" somewhere and his aggressive behaviors!

But luckily I do have littlest taken care of for school pick up the rest of this week!

Just one step at a time!

Maybe I won't have to "leave" the house at all tomorrow!

Wouldn't that be nice!

On a good side note- oldest got a call back for the play she tried out for! yeah!

so proud of her- she's so happy!

And I made a really good dinner tonight-

Greek meatballs with Avocado Tzatziki Sauce and of course Gluten and Dairy free

I think my hubby's jaw dropped when I told him what we were having!

It is clearly out of character for me to first of all be cooking so much- especially so many really good meals, and so completely off the radar from our typical menu!

Chinese cuisine, Thai food, Mexican, Greek, Italian.... yeah I"m pretty rockin' and yes that is tooting my own horn!

Oh and it's all been delicious!

I have to say I don't mind cooking so much, when others eat it!

It's the complaining of the food that certainly makes it not worth my energy since I'm not big on it in the first place!

Like I"ve always said, I love to bake, I love to make sweet treats, I love to mix, blend, put into the oven!

But I certainly have expanded my skills- or actually challenged myself to learn new ones- cooking has never been " a fun thing" for me!

Anyway- tomorrow, Ty and I will hunker down once again in our tight zipped bubble!

Hopefully enjoy some more "How the Earth Was Made" documentary on Yosemite!

It is fantastic..... and I love that he is so interested in it!

oh one last toot my horn, pat myself on the back moment-

After I was out of the house, walking circles around the block- wondering how far he'll carry this episode or will he finally chill

he and I picked out of a book I had gotten from the library on building gizmo's and gadgets - and built

an electric light source... using a battery, wires, clothespin, small light bulb, cardboard..... how cool is that- unfortunately the only D batteries we could find were in a dead flashlight- and we didn't give up, we tried it

but the batteries were obviously dead.... but not only did it take time to "set up", collect the needed items to build it

but when it didn't work, he kind of started to get angry, but simply walked away with frustration and that was it... that's kind of big in my world!

Things don't go as 'PLANNED'

well, it's typically not a good situation... and today it wasn't too bad!

Maybe we'll try something else tomorrow- until we get some fresh batteries!

My kid is pretty great, and fun to be with

it's just everything is pretty hard for him and well, that sucks- but I am his champion

I will never give up, I will love him always- and I will always cheer him on!

Even on the hard days!

Couldn't do it today :(

Wasn't able to pick Sarah up from school today! :(

After having to stay out of the house once again due to aggressive behavior

but me leaving helped

Brian and I decided he should pick her up today!

We are four weeks into school, and although we've had some really good moments in these four weeks

yep, we've also had some pretty tough one's and we need to take his behavior as a cue to what

he can and CAN"T handle

Unfortunately, I will just try to figure something out for this week- and look at it week by week- hoping maybe a few times a week we can get her

as long as there isn't over reaction behaviors and aggression occurring!

It is what it is

why would things have been different? He's just not able to do it without other areas of "life" falling apart!

and want to know how hard it can be when your kid flips out when the simplest of things don't go right...... it's frustrating, it's heartbreaking, and it's not really that one simple thing that is causing all the angst

It's everything compounded down on him and his inability to deal! sigh but we need him to be able to function in our home first and foremost..... so back to our bubble we go!

Life on this Monday

The weekend has once again come and gone

and here we are back to a Monday!

A run down of the fast weekend that quickly went away

My oldest had her opening show on Saturday- just wow! I love seeing her doing her thing, singing, dancing, acting

This is what she is supposed to do- it's what she loves and you can tell!

Littlest and I enjoyed the show so much- unfortunately as our life goes, Brian and little dude were not able to come with us

I bought tickets, I was hoping hoping hoping we could go support Megan as a family

But Saturday proved to be a difficult day for him and going would have only been harder for him

So Brian and him stayed home, and either Brian will see the show another weekend, or I"m really hoping he and Ty (and of course Gretchen) can go together

Family things altogether usually are just too much

let alone then being in an overstimulating, with lights, sounds, crowds, environment

Sunday then approached just as quickly as Saturday- and with all the issues littlest is having with her bowels, we are trying a new medicine "to stimulate" her bowels for complete emptying

nothing major, just something to help clean her out better than the Miralax and to help her body with it a bit- and of course she refuses to take it!

Her own anxiety is really been at an all time high since school started, my confident, outgoing, energetic knows what she wants kid has been stuffed deep down inside and her fears, anxiety, rituals, have been creeping out more and more

and making things harder for her!

But this is where I just can't fight.... I can't spend 3 hours getting angry (because trust me it is so frustrating knowing this will possibly help her, and yet she's 7, I can't force it down her, I can't convince her to take it, I can talk till I'm blue in the face, and bribe her with everything under the sun- but she refuses and so that's the end of it!

She even apologizes to me for not taking it- she wants to do it- but is simply paralyzed by her fear and can't dig deeper right now to over come it

what am I supposed to do?

And I truly do not have the energy nor do I want to sit there convincing her, forcing her, threatening her, explaining to her to take it- trust me I did do all those things, it turned into a battle, and her upset- me frustrated- and so I have to let it go

maybe today will be different, but this is a med to take every day and I can't battle every single day over a medicine- sure she gets the consequence, sure she will slowly remember the next time she has bad cramping- maybe it's been too many days since she had one so bad she was crying- which is great, but we know she still needs the medicine

maybe today?

It is what it is, and I feel like a horrible mother that I can't take better care of her, help her so she doesn't hurt, but she's not a baby, she's a big girl with big feelings, big emotions, and big instincts

and probably with time she'll realize, and I know she knows this

that we are just trying to help her with her horrible cramping, and quite honestly taking the medicine will either work or not work, but we need to know and it will then give us more information on what's going on

it's the first step in our plan from the GI doctor and the next step is looking inside, scoping- and that maybe necessary anyway, but starting with something simple so we can then determine if that's necessary or not, and help her just feel better!

It is so hard putting your kids through these medical things- I hate it and I hate that they have to go through it- It's hard with Ty, it's hard for Megan, it's hard with Sarah... all three- something, all three similar issues on different levels- all three fearful, all three scared, all three struggling in each of there own ways!

And I hate that!

But this is why it's moment to moment- because you just never know what the hell will happen in the next moments- Sarah having such bad abdominal cramping she's crying and screaming in pain (yeah that's how bad it gets)

Ty overwhelmed by his environment that he is lashing out at everyone and simply can't control himself

Megan feeling frustrated because she is disorganized and overwhelmed herself especially by Ty's behavior because it doesn't allow room for her to use her coping skills and causes frustration and takes her out of her comfort zones and then she is lashing out verbally at everyone

Yeah, that's a pretty typical day here right now- so I'll just take one moment and a time, one moment to smile, one moment of quiet, one moment of peace, one moment to just be present and breathe

really that's all I can do- because some days are just stinkin' hard!

Better than we started

I want to be his champion!

I don't ever want to give up on him

But this week- O M G

and as I blame his behavior (how bad is that, blame )

geez what is my responsibility in all of this

It's been a crazy week, definitely out of "routine" starting with my friend watching him on Tuesday afternoon so we could take Sarah to the doctor

All week oldest has had 4-8pm rehearsals since the show is opening this weekend- so having to get her home late,

I had to work a rehearsal from 4-8 last night- which was fun, and so neat to see behind the scenes

but the day leading up to my leaving absolutely sucked!

He simply took a nap in the morning, and then it all went down hill from there!

His obsessive issues and thoughts took over his brain and his body, and lead him down a very dark tunnel- so much that I ended up staying out of the house, simply pacing the neighborhood for 4 hours yesterday

Was unable to pick up littlest, had to call on my dearest friend

who also so graciously brought myself and oldest dinner to bring to theater for our dinner break!

Not being in the house for four hours, well, not only did NOTHING get done

I couldn't even plan or make something to bring

So I just took a huge long break from writing this blog

My boy asked for my attention, and school got out, girls were home, blah blah blah

Anyway- amazing what happens with so much time passing in the same day

I was in the middle of telling you about my yesterday day which was oh so difficult

very very difficult

I could not break him of his "obsessive thoughts"

and it's just how it was

So as I paced up and down the neighborhood, I was talking to Brian on the cell, explaining my "situation" with little dude

I wasn't locked out, there was just no way in hell I was going back to the house, because everytime I did

it would start all over again!

But you see in my world, as much as that sucked, as much as I hated the day, the moment he would again throw out the words about buying legos'...

and threaten me which was my cue to turn right back around and walk away

he didn't aggress further

It might have taken 4 hours, but ultimately

in the end, it didn't go passed that point

Had I approached him, had I acknowledged with words or gesture, had I gotten in "range"

he would have been aggressive

but it was a situation where I could wait him out, stay away, listen to his behavior as he is out of control, he knows it, and the fact that he didn't go further

well, victory, progress, just the way it was, not sure really what to call it

but it definitely could have been worse, has been worse, and glad the day ended

Oh and while walking around the neighborhood to top off my already "shi***" day

a bird crapped on my shoulder

yeah, that sucked

I would definitely say that is the story of my life!

Well, at least for yesterday

Because as Friday has come and almost is gone

it was all new once again-

I'm not really sure what today was like, it definitely felt weird,

I don't know, it was just a different kind of day with him,

he was happy for the most part, using his words well for the most part

showed some flexibility for the most part

I was even able to pick up littlest from school

I think I was just waiting most of the day for the "other shoe to drop"

just because this week overall had been so challenging

but as it's almost bedtime, the other shoe hasn't dropped

In fact, we sat around our dinner table for quite some time after eating, talking, laughing, just silly stuff

(yes of course the dogs were involved)

so who knows what will happen between now and bedtime (it's amazing of what can happen in the matter of 15 minutes, let alone 30-45minutes)

but luckily we are heading into a weekend on a much better note than we started!

Imagination

loving his creative play with Star Wars Lego's

and he moved closer to me so that he could show me everything his two ships he built can do

So awesome- and just next to him is littlest playing in her imaginary world of Ponies

What a great way to end this day!

Couldn't imagine a better moment right now

They are both so engaged, talking out loud to themselves

creating

sharing

simply being!

To be a kid with that kind of imagination again!

Love them!

Autism Discussion Page: Rigidity

from Autism Discussion Page:

Just substitute Brad for Ty.... and moderate anxiety to Severe anxiety.......

Our everyday! "Brad has rigidity issues that are common for many on the spectrum. He has moderate generalized anxiety and is fearful of uncertainty. He needs to keep his world very predictable; hence, he does better when his day is very routine and predictable. Unfortunately for the family, he holds tight to some very rigid routines (dressing, meal time, before bed, leaving the house, doing self care, etc.) and dedicates that the entire family follow his desire for sameness. If any variation occurs it has to be initiated and controlled by him."-

Autism Discussion Page

"Helping your child feel 'safe, accepted &competent'

medical stuff sucks

I'm just tired this week!

Yesterday in one word

SUCKED!

Nothing was right, everything was wrong, and it was all my fault!

So yesterday sucked, glad we moved past it and the sun was shining once again this morning!

And what a difference a day makes- as if my parenting, as if anything we do is different then the day before

but he was more regulated, he was happier, he was more flexible, he was just more present!

In fact, one of my nicest parts of the day was quietly eating lunch together, out in the front yard, not speaking a word, just being in the company of each other

and it was just a very nice moment.

One other really big thing was littlest had to see the GI doctor- she has her own major bowel issues, not as extreme as Ty's, but none the less when she cries in pain and agony multiple times a day while on the potty

yeah, something is up!

Sad thing is she hates the bad cramping so much, she was very willing and happy to get to see the GI doctor.

He was a new Doc for us, I liked him, we have a game plan for her

and it will provide us with more information and which direction to go next.

Trust me, pediatric GI is really tough, very misunderstood, difficult to diagnose and so much of it is simply by deduction

But we have a plan, try a new med, see what happens and proceed from there.

I'm actually quite relieved he didn't want to go in with endoscopy/colonoscopy right away- it's just really fatiguing having your children have medical issues, especially one's that sometimes have more invasive tests, needing anesthesia, meds, it's all so "medical" and tiring

especially when we deal with so much medical with Ty, and we've dealt with quite a bit of medical stuff with Megan over the years, and even Sarah- but she had a good ride, not requiring much more than some meds to keep her bowels going, some asthma treatments when she had a cold

And with our circumstances with Ty, it's not easy

In fact, today, Brian and I noticed it was me, him and Sarah

no one else- just us three.

Don't even know the last time that happened, probably when she was in the hospital when she was 1

but because I have an awesome awesome friend, who I absolutely trust can handle Ty, and he likes her and totally responds to her- she gets him

I felt completely at ease to have her watch him while we took Sarah to doctor.

How awesome of a friend is that.... her free time, figuring things out for her kids, and she's at my house for 3 hours watching over my kid

I'm so blessed to have such an awesome friend who gives me and my family so much love and support

and never ever asks for anything in return

talk about a true friendship

I do what I can to show her my appreciation

but to me it never will be enough compared to what she has done for my family!

She's the greatest!- Thank you Thank you....

So, The evening has been quiet, despite the little bit of craziness of daddy coming home early, my friend watching over him, Megan gone a lot for her rehearsals (thank goodness she is old enough to get her self places... wow it's so nice!)

Anyway, who knows what the rest of my week will bring- tomorrow is our crazy schedule wednesday- school is out early, ballet, rehearsal

and I will do my best to help him stay regulated to be present, to enjoy the day and and

maybe have a few nice moments to smile about!

The world is overwhelming

He told me he wasn't confident....... wow!

Well, somehow we managed to survive another week of school, activities, birthdays, basically life!

Wasn't always easy (okay it's never easy, but it wasn't always as hard and difficult as it could have been)

Friday was no different.

Friday brought baseball, some behaviors, a nice shared lunch, and this.....

It was time to get Sarah from school

Ty fell asleep at around 12:30- after a little behavior

He slept until 2:15pm which was perfect because it was time to get Sarah.

But I knew better to than just jump into "we have to leave and get your sister"

I know I need to be delicate with a transition of just waking up and also leaving the house

So gave it a few minutes, and he some how knew it was time to get her- and declared" I'm not going to get Sarah"

huh??? Not s good sign!

But I ignored it and proceeded to "prepare" to leave by packing a snack and cold water and get Gretchen leashed up

He clearly knew it was time, he saw me getting ready so I simply said I would be waiting in the car for him

But he quickly reminded me he wasn't going. Meanwhile, time is ticking and my little one is going to be out of school very soon and I won't be there on time unless he starts cooperating!

And yes it's frustrating as heck that I have only one thing to do in the day, to pick up little one- and even that can be this difficult- but that's just how things are

I'm patient, I wait it out a bit, I honk the horn and ultimately get the sense he isn't going to come as you clearly stated

So I use my cell and call the home number and speak to him through the answering machine- and said I have to get Sarah, I need him to get into the car

he comes outside, but again just declares he's not going

So I did something I've never done before, and boy I was hoping it was going to work because I truly didn't want to do this but I felt I really needed to get Sarah at this point and that's just how it's going to be, whether he came with me or not

So I simply asked him to come out to the car- and to come closer - and I said to him, fine, you don't want to come, that's your choice, but I have to get her, so if he really isn't going to come, then here is what he DOES need to do: go back in the house- lock the door, do not answer it for anybody- don't answer the phone, and I then proceeded to tell him that he will be home alone, and that I didn't think he was quite ready to do that, but this is how he stays safe staying home alone. And I again asked if he was sure he was okay being home alone while I went and got Sarah, I wouldn't be gone more than 15 minutes.

He went back into the house and then quickly came back out and told me wait, I just need to get my shoes- he then told me he didn't feel confident that he wouldn't open the door if someone knocked....

And then he confused his language, but I knew what he was saying

this happens a lot, mixing up the use of words, when he is trying to say one thing, but he says something different, or the opposite,

okay pause for a moment having a brain blank

Can't remember the word he used when he got into the car.. ugh... it was so cute, and I knew what he meant, but it was a word choice that didn't fit the scenario, but it also made sense in a weird kind of way if you know my kid

And I guess for now I am just going to have to think hard about it and get back..

maybe when I finish my coffee :)

Anyway, just trust me, it was awesome- and for him to say he didn't have confidence in himself that he wouldn't open the door for someone

therefore he got in the car so we could pick up little sister

WOW!!! What a good choice he made and thank God my plan worked, (they don't always) but every so often... victory!

I was so proud of him, and I told him I was so glad he made that choice- because I didn't feel he was quite ready to stay home alone and I thought he would be too scared to be there

and I didn't want him to feel scared- because we'll know when he's ready to stay home, but he's still young

And I told him I never stayed home alone at his age, and that it made me too scared- which meant I wasn't ready

so yeah, life lesson, blah blah... took full advantage of this time - and for me as his mom, what a relief!

What a relief that he made this decision that he wasn't ready yet, and I knew I was not in a position at the start of this entire "thing" to order him, push him, negotiate with him.... that would have been disastrous , trust me!

So, that was a pretty incredible moment- a moment that I felt confident with what choice I made in how to handle a particular situation, and relieved and proud that he too made a good choice. This was a rare moment by our standards, and gives me hope that sometimes good decisions will be made-

After all, he came with me 4 times this week to get Sarah from school, this is the 3rd week of doing this, and if that's all I can do with him and maintain his ability to some what regulate / co-regulate and him be calm and not as aggressive and explosive, it will be fine!

Never said easy, but this is where we have to fully understand baby steps, and not taking too many bigger steps too soon- and knowing when to pull back, and knowing when he's struggling and knowing when his environment is too much for him to tolerate

Because he still does not have those skills, he still struggles to understand what happens to his body when it's being assaulted by external factors, he doesn't understand how to help himself or to cope with the situation

And when you take a step back, look at the world through his lens,

You can understand how the external environment literally beats down his system and it's ability to process and made sense of it all.

Everything, the sun, noise from cars, kids playing, dogs barking, the heat (and it's hot here still), so so so many things

and it literally sends him most of the time straight to fight or flight...

That's just how his body reacts - it's how his nervous system processes or doesn't process everything that he comes in contact with-

and when EVERYTHING is bigger, brighter, louder, hurts to touch, and you don't know how to properly "make it more comfortable"

yeah, the world is kind of scary then! But baby steps- baby steps!

A brief description of what Sensory Processing Disorder is:

"Children with SPD misinterpret sensory information from the five well-known senses -- touch, vision, hearing, smell and taste -- and from three less-known senses, the vestibular sense (feelings of balance, movement and position in space), the proprioceptive sense (feelings of body awareness and posture) and the interoceptive sense (internal body and organ perception and regulation).

A nice birthday!

Today is September 11- it's a big day in the history of our country!

It's a day of remembrance for all those that so tragically lost their lives

And all the heroes that risked everything to help save so many people.

It's a big day, I think we all have the stories of where we were, what we were doing the minute we heard about the planes

I can replay it minute by minute in my head like a movie

and all the emotions that came with it.

September 11th is a big day for another reason- it's my birthday.

and my birthday is typically a very very difficult day for my little guy!

It's so special to him, that he simply cannot handle the excitement that comes with wanting to make it a special day for me.

Quite honestly, the last several birthdays have been one's I would much rather forget about

I had no idea how today was going to go

I did feel a little on edge, just waiting, waiting for the moment when it became too much for him to handle (however in reality the day is just like any other day, as we don't have a big celebration, and I actually didn't even get around to making a cake for myself)

But although it is my birthday, it's also Thursday, a school day, a work day, a rehearsal day, pretty much a regular day as far as "our schedule" goes!

And as my littlest pointed out

as of 5:30pm this evening- there had been no fighting

behaviors to speak of

and she was happy to point out that she always knows that's my wish.

Not much gets past this little one-

and she was so right- the day actually had been quite nice.

In fact, as of this post now at 10:00pm- (no one in bed yet)

the day happened to be one of the nicest birthdays I've had in quite a few years.

Was it anything special, no

it was simply a nice day, filled with more good moments than bad moments

and quite honestly

was just a "normal" day

and that is pretty special.

So thank you to my wonderful family for all the special birthday wishes,

and for helping be a part of a pretty good birthday overall!

Usually my birthday is a very very difficult day, full of overwhelming meltdowns out of control emotions

but not this year... and maybe this is a great turn around point for things.

Maybe not, but just maybe????

I will look back on my 42nd birthday with a smile on my face, and will remember it was the first birthday that was actually a nice one.

Who knows, maybe, just maybe it's the start of a new trend on 'special' days and holidays.

Wouldn't that be nice!

too much

We just did too much..,as simple as it seems...it was just too much for him......

His best interest!

from "Autism Discussion Page":

"Emotional world on the spectrum! The "delayed effect"

Many people see this delayed effect once the child comes home from school. If they are strong enough to "hold it together" at school,

then the stress comes out as soon as they come home.

When the parent approaches the school, they simply report that the child is doing well there.

However, these children need the same supports (less demands, sensory diet, frequent breaks, physical activity, etc.) as the child who acts out frequently at school.

We must realize that "holding it in" can be damaging to the nervous system, and take a great toll on the children."

YES YES YES YES... THIS!

This on every level ....... and when he is at his weakest, he just can't hold it in any longer- because

it takes a huge toll on his nervous system, on his body, on his being

and he just can't do anything at that point!

We must never push our children to this breaking point of existence just to prove to "others" "schools" "whomever" that there are real issues!

Trust me, sometimes things get so bad, you might just not ever "recover" what spirit he had before!

It is traumatic, it is damaging, and sometimes, irreversible!

We will NEVER sacrifice our son's well being to "prove" to others that there are issues!

And had we known the depths of his trauma, we would never had agreed to "try school ONE MORE TIME" almost 3 years ago!

We have never ever seen that happy spirited playful boy since- sometimes we see glimpses, sometimes we get small moments, but that's it!

We had worked years to get Ty into a good place, a place of him coping, a place of him being a little boy, a place of well being, a place of healthiness, a place of happy

and literally in less than 2 weeks of being in school all day everyday, it was gone!

And we saw behaviors that we had never seen before, aggression we had never experienced before, and absolute despair by him.

And yet, on advice legally we were told we can't pull him out now, "they" need to see it, "they need to know how bad it can be"

Worst mistake EVER

And NEVER EVER again!

Why do "others" professionals, schools, just others never believe the parents!????

Why would we make up a story like this?

In my wildest dreams I couldn't create a story like this....

and it's what we live every single minute of every single day!

but I will never let anyone "sway" what we know about our child

And this I know.... and this I pledge to him- we will always have HIS BEST INTEREST first and foremost!

Because if we don't,

Who will?

From Diary of a Mom...... love her blog!

"Our children deserve to have childhoods. Happy ones. Comfortable ones. Playful and play-filled ones. Stimmy, squealy joyous ones. Ones in which they learn and grow and discover the world in their own ways.

But how does that happen when we’re always fighting the clock?

It doesn’t.

We have got to break free of this bullshit paradigm of artificial deadlines — of the need to rush, rush, rush to teach, teach, teach to drill, drill, drill — to make every moment a “productive opportunity.” Because when we release ourselves from that pressure, we allow our autistic children to BE CHILDREN. And by God, how freeing is that? (For everyone involved.)"

-- From Rethinking Functional Behavior and the Tyranny of Made Up Deadlines, June, 2013 --> http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/rethinking-functional-behavior-and-the-tyrrany-of-made-up-deadlines/

Just a hard day!

Today was a hard day for my little guy!

Just hard..... and I tried to be patient, I tried to be as understanding as possible

But some days I'm just helpless and nothing I do is right for him

It's just one of those days...

Luckily Brian is now home and hopefully full of patience

and energy, because wow days like this take a lot of energy!

But tomorrow will be a new sunrise, a new day, a new start, a new everything to do everything I can to help him have a better day!

Creamy artichoke spinach chicken....

So this was the meal I made last night

This was popular at the dinner table!

It's creamy artichoke spinach chicken (of course dairy free and gluten free)over curly GF noodles

because my kids love noodles and the curly one's especially!

I actually think I almost impressed my husband with it........ :)

It was good - I will post the recipe I used, and I tweaked it a bit by adding a few things, and needing to substitute from missing ingredients... but came out delicious!

from : www.weneednotwalkalone.blogspot.com

Sarah's Low Carb Life Adventures in weight loss, healthy cooking, and beginning life with a live in boyfriend. Tuesday, August 20, 2013 Spinach and Artichoke Chicken I got the chance to cook last week and tried another new recipe from my Pinterest boards. Sakief keeps griping that I don't ever document his successes, so I'm going to try to do a better job of that, but for now, I'll stick with mine! This was a very yummy win. It's basically just chicken topped with spinach and artichoke dip. Yum! It's also really simple! Ingredients: 4 chicken breasts 1 block frozen spinach (thawed and drained) 1 13-14oz can artichoke heart quarters (drained) 2 shallots, chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1/2 cup Greek yogurt 1/2 cup mayonaise 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella Salt/pepper to taste Preheat oven to 375. Spray or grease baking dish. Place chicken breasts in baking dishand salt and pepper each side. Bake 15 mins. While chicken is baking mix together the other ingredients. Spread over chicken and bake an additional 20-25 mins.

A few things I did different- I actually cooked it on the stove because, well I have no oven and my baking dish was too big for the toaster oven!

Okay really missing my oven right now!

But made do, and so stove top cooked it!

Being that I had to make it dairy free- I used veganaise spread (it's like mayonaise), I did not have any plain yogurt so I used a combination of dairy free cream cheese and 1/2 cup coconut milk (just trying to get the creamy)

I used 1/2 cup Dairy Mozzarella cheese (which is dairy free) and I added about 1/4 cup bacon bits just to add a little color and enhance it!

In my family- adding bacon is always a plus (but still keeping it healthy!)

Like I said, it turned out great- definitely a recipe I will do again! It will especially be yummy as the weather changes and it gets colder!

Meal planning

I just totally rocked "dinner" ideas for the week!

I usually hate cooking as you know, I love to bake

haven't had a working full size oven in over a year

I am pretty good making do with our toaster oven!

Talk about taking a lemon and making darn good lemonade!

But when stars are aligned for my little guy

lots of other things start to fall into place as well!

And first thing is I have way more energy to put into "other things'

like cooking a meal for my family!

It's not motivated (or easy) trying to prepare meals, during our roughest time of day (dinner time)

lots of noises, smells, everyone is home, lots of sensory overload

lots of behaviors and therefore interruptions

so how do you possibly cook dinner when you can't "attend" to it!

Thank goodness for sandwiches

oh and cereal of course!

But this past week- even with it being busy with back to school nights, meetings, I made dinner that

get this

my children all loved!

As always every dinner meal is gluten and dairy free

it's our common meal and one that we share so nothing is "different'

I made Chicken with broccoli Alfredo (never have I made a creamy sauce like this before- it's really hard to make it good when it's dairy free)

I made stove top Chicken Enchiladas..... those were a hit!

and I made a delicious Chinese noodle dish with vegetables

and I made an old favorite comfort food Chicken and Dumplings!

So that is the type of week we continued to have!

And do I dare say it but I actually enjoyed cooking... and even better

I enjoyed seeing my family around the dinner table (as we always do)

but this week was different, a lot more smiles, a lot more simple talk, and lots of "mom this is so good!"

Talk about motivating to get cooking for this next week!

Top of my "meal planning list"

1. crock pot cream cheese chicken chili

2.Spinach Artichoke chicken bake

3. Chicken chow mein

4.BBQ Chicken

5.Braised Balsamic Chicken

6.Asian Beef lettuce wraps

7.Beef stroganoff

8.Slow cooker honey sesame chicken

9.Ham and Cheese Fritata

Well, at least I"m motivated to come up with the list, right!

Now the rest depends on how each day goes!

Please Please Please keep the stars aligned......

it's really good for all of us!

My lucky stars.......

And the pattern continues!

What a lovely evening we had as a family!

Brian and Ty swam, and then we just sat by the campfire in the backyard... drinking margaritas (obviously just Brian and I)

just enjoying the evening time- and ultimately had to order pizza... because we were having such a nice time, we hadn't prepared for dinner..

which feel so amazing to be completely flexible and not be "stuck" in this hard driven routine!

We didn't eat dinner until 8:00 (which is pretty much unheard of in this family

and we simply existed all together

in the same space, breathing the same air

it's amazing how awesome that is when you don't usually get to experience that except the rare once every 6-9 months

this just isn't our norm it isn't how things go over here

well, it just isn't

but clearly

CLEARLY

stars are all aligned in such a way that makes my little boy happy and regulated enough to participate in the moment!

I thank my lucky stars!

priceless

OMG OMG OMG.... that was the best dinner meal time we have had as a family in months, years... who knows!

Full of laughter, sharing, giggles, silliness, sharing,

did I say sharing?

Wow and wow!

Truly amazing dinner moments, and that is just something we don't ever experience as a family!

That may be sad..... but that moment to us is absolutely treasured, priceless

and a shared smile between Brian and I!

That was just awesome!

4 days and Zoob's

Day four of leaving our house, getting into the car, and picking up little sister!

HUGE!!!!

But one day at a time, believe me- only one day at a time!

But even with 4 days in a row of leaving our house-

look what he made today....... if you don't know Zoob's... they are awesome!

Especially for kids who like to build, create, it's similar to lego's, kind of

but not really but you can see they are able to build so many things!

This is his alien!

they are awesome for focus, fine motor skills, creativity, and so so so many endless hours of endless creations! While we were camping he made a T-Rex skeleton- huge one!! So awesome!

This was a good time for Ty!

And right now, he's going to jump into the pool- woo hoo!!!! Friday night- bring it on!

Now, just need to decide what we'll do for dinner ???

TGIF

I don't really want to "re-hash" yesterdays events

it was more challenging for sure

but in the end, he went swimming (thank goodness)

and went to bed until 7:00am

Why is it the beginning of the school year is so busy, packed with back to school nights, meetings for extra curricular activities

and everything always falls in the same week- 3 nights this week were taken up by "evening meetings for me"

that's not exactly the easiest thing for my family to handle

But as they say TGIF.... and we made it to Friday

and since Ty took my money from my wallet yesterday and eloped- I know he won't be doing it today, because I have no money now for him to take in the middle of his obsessive meltdown

That's also how I know it's been a more challenging week..... it all came back to "buy me" "I want" blah blah blah

it's just where his brain goes when he feel more dysregulated and out of control-

but unfortunately he took money, hopped on his bike (thankfully he puts his helmet on) and went to the local store around the corner

I knew he was headed there, and I've now learned, if I chase him

it's going to put him more into fight or flight and cause him to become more dangerous and possibly get hurt

I know his anxiety is too great for him to go beyond the local store he knows very well

so that's in a weird way comforting

and I wait it out, here he comes, purchased a basketball and a baseball

throws them on the ground as if - he's relieved, he got that urge to buy out- and it didn't really matter what it was he purchased

and I ignore, I do not pay any attention to it, he tries and tries to get me to acknowledge what he's done

almost now seeking permission

but I do not give him that or any acknowledgment

I just pretend it didn't happen

and the entire scenario is over

we pick up little sister without too much incident (btw this is now day 4 of picking up Sarah this week.... it's something to celebrate but it's also partially responsible for the behaviors we are experiencing

I hope this weekend brings extra extra calmness and kind of re-sets his challenge monitor

otherwise I will have to start re thinking the plan of picking her up every day

I can't have him running off obviously

the behaviors we experience are indicative of his state of mind and his state of regulation and the challenges he experiences

and even something so simple as picking up little sister, day after day, may at this point just be too much

I encourage you to look back to posts one year ago- at the start of that school year

yikes it got bad... not at first, at first it seems like we are sailing

and then BOOM

Holy crap the world just exploded in our face! and boy did it get bad :(

So I am weary, don't know what it will bring weeks down the line, but today

as I said earlier TGIF TGIF TGIF!!

and I hope we can just have a calm, boring, lazy, no drama to speak of kind of friday! Cheers to that!

so many things today.....

Busiest day this mom has had in literally years

And with more transitions out of the house than we've done in I don't know how long

I got a kickboxing workout in (well first one in six months, but I"m hopeful that it will continue)

Played baseball with my boy

Picked up littlest from second grade with Ty and Gretchen

This is where the day started to get a little iffy

things are starting to slide, demands are being negotiated (at least from him)

luckily after trying his hardest to negotiate for I have no idea what- it wasn't making any sense at this point of our "transition"

I simply got in the car with Gretchen, (and prayed really hard he'll just come out to the car without any issues)

And ultimately he did- just took some time- but waiting it out- worked at this moment

picked up Sarah- and this is where things kind of went south

Again, he was trying to negotiate for I have no idea what

what completely unhappy with the lack of response I was giving him and clearly not giving him the answer he was hoping for

but we all know at this point in our crazy life game that it's not about "anything" it's just him, trying to gain control when he's feeling out of control

so I could have said Yes to whatever the heck he was asking for,

but trust me, wouldn't have mattered, wouldn't have changed the outcome, wouldn't have done anything different- because that's not what it was about

Anyway- a bit of uneasy times in the car, had to pull over because he did begin to hit

but ultimately we got home (remember it's only a 1/4 mile, but some days that 1/4 mile feels like 100 miles)

And this is again a dicy situation when we get home- he jumps out of the car and runs to the house- and says he's locking us out

obviously not thinking clearly at all since I have house keys because I was driving the car

but these are those moments you just "wait out" the best you can

and even though it was hot- ugh I made a move when I thought things were calmer- oops

jumped in a little too soon- he wasn't ready to "be calmer"

but at some point- door opened (BTW although I had keys, he was holding with all his might the deadbolt so that I was not able to turn the darn key- damn he's persistent

So, little by little he calmed down- and although it was early out day for littlest, she had ballet today (yeah talk about trying to have my girls exist outside our home in this crazy life of ours- ) so this means we have to leave our house again and take her to ballet!

and at the rate we were going after school pick up- things are not looking very likely

crap

But guess what, yep, he falls asleep- probably the best outcome after that "situation" at pick up

and no way am I going to wake him up to take Sarah to dance- luckily I have the greatest friend in the entire world

and she so lovingly picked up Sarah and brought her to ballet and even stayed and watched for a bit-

yeah, did I mention she is the definition of what a real best friend is- took me 30 some odd years to find one, but wow- she is tops- always willing to help me and my family out- and never asking for anything in return... although I try to do what I can- but I think by now you can see I have very little to offer "others" and well, most people just disappear

I"m not the easiest friend to have- our circumstances make well, everything pretty stinky all the time- for anything outside of this family- and although I try- I really really try- it's not exactly a very reciprocal friendship-

that's how you know, she is the most amazing true friend

and one day I hope I can make up for all she has done for me

anyway- she brought Sarah to ballet- and Ty eventually woke up... kind of confused, kind of demanding, and realizing wait that didn't work out so well

and although there was some behaviors- he did his"time"

in the hammock- that's awesome

and I knew I still had to get Sarah, and I knew I am pushing this kid beyond how he's been pushed in a long time (for at least coming and going out of the house)

so yeah, naturally I know what will "bribe" "motivate" what ever you want to call it-

it's a very critical thing to maintain with kids with Autism- and luckily right now he is motivated by french fries

okay, we leave early enough to stop and get jack n' the box french fries (only drive thru)

and we go get Sarah- he waits in the car- which actually is great-

we come home- and it's just that- we come home

no issues, no behaviors, no challenges transitioning back home

Yeah, pretty awesome!

Oh and to go back a bit

he was my little electrical engineer today- working on snap circuits to create alarms, bells, fan, flying saucer, a few other cool things that he followed the directions on how to build the circuit to create the outcome

now how cool is that!

And people are always asking "what school does he get?

yeah, electrical circuits, Egyptian pyramids, 49ers history and cooking

shall I go on?

He lives education, he lives to learn

we provide a calmer, less stimulating loving, caring, and very sensory oriented environment so that he CAN learn

so that he CAN be himself

so that he CAN be happy!

and today, he was an electrical engineer

wonder what he'll be tomorrow?

and this is why we do what we do for him

check out these photos- he was so engaged

and it continued randomly throughout the day, and he couldn't wait to share it with daddy!

That's a pure joy moment!

so I had started out talking about all the things that seemed to make this day challenging, but yet, somewhat "normal" for me, productive, a day like we don't typically have EVER

and after the pick up from ballet, daddy home, I was ABLE to make dinner for the second, third (I've lost count because it's more than one)

and a meal that everyone ate- last night- gluten free dairy free chicken alfredo (wow it was good)

and tonight- in a pinch and little time I made chicken and dumplings (and of course gluten and dairy free)

and then I was out of the house again- seriously, out in the world for a 3rd time in one day!

Had to pick up oldest after theatre practice

so, how amazing is that!

To me, pretty amazing, and it's weird, because for me it's so so so unusual and unheard of for me to leave the house 3 times in one day (2 with Ty)

and yet, to everyone else in the world, coming and going, leaving and arriving, being somewhere else is the norm, their existence, a part of life

But not in this family!

And I don't know what tomorrow will bring

I will do my very best to help him remain calm, remain in control of his own body

to allow him to feel a sense of control that I know he will desire from all that has challenged him today

But what a day for him and us!

What a day.....

and that brings a smile to my face as I write this, thinking about him, and how hard everything is to him all the time every waking moment of his day

and look what he has done both yesterday and today!

That's pretty amazing, don't you think!

What... is this really happening??

And the day just continued to get better

I'm afraid someone will pinch me and I'll wake up

But these highlights are filling me with pure joy and honestly - a lot of energy!

I was ABLE...

yes able to make dinner tonight prior to a meeting I had for my oldest theatre parent meeting- and even got out for a walk with Gretchen

I don't know the last time I was "out in the world" so much in one day

now I"m just praying I don't "pay" for it tomorrow....

Because that too is a reality- but I won't go there

I am just going to enjoy this feeling of a good day!

It feels nice!

HIGHLIGHTS!!

Today's Highlights:

had an "informal" school meeting regarding my little dude who yes hasn't attended school in 2 1/2 years, and yes has been marked absent every day he's missed for 2 1/2 years.... that's so far how our district has "handled" our situation.....

but it also gave us some "breathing" room to just attend to his very intense needs since that day we took him out

. Heard for the very first time -this is beyond this schools campus and capabilities

ya think???

What a difference a new person in the mix, in this case new principal, can make

and scary of how much power one person can hold over a situation despite the facts

Sorry, I digressed- anyway- yes this is indeed a situation that is by far above what the school campus is able to provide assistance with!!!

He recognized that the classroom environment isn't the "proper" placement for him!

Yes, keep going....

so actually that's where it ends, I did say it was an "informal" meeting- catch up, what's going on, next steps, etc

So, good, glad we are all at least on the same page (for the very first time in YEARS on this)

Okay, next highlight- Took Ty to get some new sneakers... and yes I was scared out of my mind....

We had 30 minutes to go in, try on, get them and go get little sister

and yes it was successful!

Yippee.... then we got Sarah from school, and more importantly got into the car, drive 1/4 mile back home and got into the house

WITH OUT INCIDENT!!!

Yippee again!

And then he went and laid down next to the TV, and is watching a movie "Little Giants" I had recorded

Ya hoo

and then another highlight- Sarah came racing out of her classroom with big eyes, big smile

"I have my first homework!!"

She is so excited to have been assigned her first home work assignment- you have just gotta love the sweet innocence, joy in simple things, and clearly her excitement because only big kids get homework- and now she has gotten homework...

That's pretty precious and who knows how long that excitement will last- but for today-

It's pretty damn awesome! All around-

and although this day isn't over, I have to say, it's one of the very first days in

literally YEARS

I almost feel......

normal!

And by that I mean simply, apart of a world outside my own home!

Pretty strange feeling-

don't care if it ends here, it's just nice to see it happen even just once

because in my mind, it does mean

PROGRESS and we are doing the right thing for him

Some good highlights!

Reading

Woke up this morning, after sort of sleeping in!

House was still quiet, what is going on was my first thought!

I heard Gretchen "kind of moaning" so I check in on Ty's room (ever so carefully as heaven forbid if he's still asleep and I wake him up= well so not good!)

I just ever so slightly push the door open just a tiny bit so that Gretchen could come out- and there he is!

Ty was laying down on his bed, on his tummy, chest propped up by his elbows

READING A BOOK!!!!

Yeah, a wow moment and quite honestly

the first time EVER!!!

He hadn't come out of his room yet, he hadn't done "his routine of watching some TV and getting something to eat immediately

his routine, his rituals drive him

but not this morning, there he was ever so quietly reading a book-

and then another great part- when he did come out maybe 8 minutes later, he told me "I was reading"

and then continued to tell me all about the top 10 baseball movies (according to the Best of all things Baseball book he was reading)

and then even asked ME if I had heard of any of them and then proceeded to tell me 1 through 10 and details of each!

WoW!

That was for sure a highlight moment!