A friend.......

We got through the weekend... and it was by far better than the weekend before and the days before

What turned around?

Who knows, because that's just how things are....

I can take a guess?

One incident that happened thursday came full circle back to his hospital visit, once again,

and how mad he was about it, and we lie to him, he gets shots, he hates the doctor's, he's just so so so so angry!

Which PTSD sucks by the way!

He has every right to feel this way, his entire existence on this earth has been painful, full of medical tests, G tubes, bowel clean outs, invasive tests, blood tests, illness, more pain, and absolutely no way to "express" what he is feeling

that sucks!

So back to Thursday, it all came back to this in the middle of a behavior... and throwing and hitting

girls locked in their rooms safely

and finally I matched him- I matched his intensity and I gave him words to say how mad he was, how angry he is, how totally upset all of this stuff makes him

and with the mini pool stick in his hand, I told him to hit the box in front of him

hit it hard, tell it how mad you are

scream at it, hit it harder, you're so angry, you're so mad

and I just kept verbalizing the words to him

telling him it's okay- to be angry and mad and frustrated... and it's even okay to hit this box, hit the couch cushion because in reality the need to hit something for him is so high, there is no way "anything else" can replace that

and don't we all sometimes feel this way

I'm a believer in expressing the anger and frustration in a way that is healthy and not harmful to one self or others-

I tell him it's okay to his the box, it's okay to hit this couch cushion......

This is okay- (just never okay to hit others or himself, or throw things, or threaten others)

and I don't know if this was the turning point, don't know if this got out all his anger

I don't know, but that day was a turning point

in a much more positive direction..... not that life is ever easy with this kid

ever

but we certainly are finding more happy moments, more calm moments, more just breathing and existing moments

more laughing moments, much less anger and defiance and literally chaos

Thankfully

I really don't know how many more days (even just one day) we could handle what was happening- we just couldn't break the cycle, we had no idea how to help him

we honestly had no idea how to turn the situation around,

It's funny the "circle" of people who you know in person, who you know from support groups, who you know have similar experiences

I guess it's sticking together since so few "get it"

But I received a sweet note from a friend I know

who has similar situation, sort of, cause everyone really has such a unique story that even when we are similar it's still all so different

but she sent me this note that definitely provided some comfort, knowing that sometimes even when we try our hardest, it's not enough for what the need is

and whether voluntarily or not by choice, circumstances happen

and it's once again seeing how the positive comes out of that situation

even when it was completely out of our control and seems to be a horrible situation

It was helpful, so thanks friend!

Because we may have "gotten" through this period of time,

but you and I know there is always another one around the corner at some point

esp as our kids get older

It's just not the same as when they were little

so here is to thinking looking up, being a little brighter, and a little more joy in the day!

And I won't let my fear of "what's next" cast a shadow on these good moments.