The Delayed Effect!

Delayed effect 

Aaaahhh.   The delayed effect.....hearing school say, “he sat quietly all day. It must be a problem in the home!”   

Aaahhh. This is so real for so many of our kids who struggle to regulate their bodies, who are easily overwhelmed in an unpredictable environment, are literally putting all their energy into surviving the hours of a school day until they can collapse in the safety of their home, the car, with a loving parent or caregiver.  

This effect is supported by the brain science of the Polyvagal theory and brain state regulation.  

Many of our kids struggle to reach the logical, calm thinking part of their brain.  Our neurodiverse kids are simply just wired differently.  I’m sure we all  could make a list of “what triggers my child”.    

For example, my kid cannot stand to be around others who are eating.  It is the food, the smell, the sounds and his own issues that arise from eating problems over the years.  He also cannot stand loud noises, such as the blender or food processor.  

It was this way when he was 2, and it is still this way at age 16.  It just is a part of him.  We have been working very hard for many years to help him better handle these discomforts, to know how to leave the room, or cover his ears.  This is a apart of learning self regulation.  

But even at 16 he gets so bothered and dysregulated by these sensory experiences and so many other sensory experiences that he deeply feels all day everyday.  

Schools are some of the worst sensory experiences for kids who are neurodiverse.  

A child at school, if they struggle at all with sensory issues, may struggle to regulate their emotions and bodies (especially in a sensory adverse environment), and this is all before the challenge of academics, and they will not be able to “hold it together” for long.  

It is too exhausting to their nervous system.  

This is nothing they have control over.  

It is an unconscious brain state that takes over when they are overwhelmed , unorganized, unable to process what is going on around them, leading them to the fight flight freeze or collapse state.  

If we see a classroom environment through the lens of each of our children and what we know about them, we can begin to understand the best ways to support them even before they go into these environments.  

A child holding it together to only fall apart in complete despair is a child who will continue to struggle and even if there are no observable behaviors at school, when they get into the company of a loving parent, caregiver that brings the child a sense of comfort and safety is exactly when a child will “fall apart”.  

This can look very different for different kids.  

My kid was one that fought.  He kicked, screamed, was angry, frustrated and was unable to be comforted until this energy was released out of his body.  This was the delayed effect.  This was the world around him is collapsing and he can not cope; he can barely breathe.  

The more hours at school, the longer he would have to put all his energy into tolerating all the sensory assaults and developmental tasks that were too hard.  

For some kids their nervous system keeps them in constant alert state due to signals coming into the neurodiverse brain as threats, they are unable to process the stimuli and this can even cause a painful experience.

The simple skills such as holding a pencil, sitting in a chair are not always so simple.  The idea that a child might touch them and their body processes this touch as painful sends a child into survival mode.  The anxiety that fills them with the thought  that the teacher may call on them, putting them in a spotlight  in front of all their peers.  

When many neurodiverse kids are always in a high alarm brain state, it does not leave a lot of space to learn, to explore, to be social and to thrive.  The delayed effect is real.  

It is a signal that our kids are not getting all the proper supports they NEED while in those environments.  Despite “good behavior” or no observable negative behaviors, these kids still need great supports in order to thrive and learn.  

If we wait until there is an observable behavior, it is too late.  The child is in a survival brain state and the only thing that can help them is our love, our connection and our compassion.  Nothing else.  No demands, no commands, no questions, nothing.  

Just comfort.  Just being present together.  

This co regulation is necessary for them to move out of the survival brain state and move to a calmer more regulated brain state.  

Our neurodiverse kids need to be supported in a way that meets their individual needs in every environment they are in.  This is the only way they will feel the relational safety necessary to be regulated and therefore use their thinking brain to learn.