True confessions.........

So, a bit of an off week.

We are all feeling a little under the weather with this darn chest cold. But it is what it is.

Yesterday was a bit of a "test" day for Ty.

As things have been going so well "for us"- but within this tight controlled environment

Until yesterday. Brian stayed home from work, change 1.

I took Sarah to school- change 2

Megan stayed home from school not feeling well- change 3

It's Wednesday, which means Sarah comes home from school earlier for early out day- change 4

I took full advantage of my hubby being home and went and ran errands and had lunch with my friend- change 5

I think you're getting the picture....

And with all this, ultimately Ty needed physical restraint due to aggressive behaviors. :(

First time in weeks ( I think, at least to this level)....

and just like a little toddler, he had the behavior, and after we physically had to take control of him- he fell asleep!

Yep, asleep..... he didn't fight the restraint (as he usually does)... and as he lay there on the carpet of our TV room, his eyes slowly begin to close...

But, I"m physically restraining him... AND HE'S FALLING ASLEEP!

He didn't fight it, he was obviously so tired- it's just like the toddler who acts out because they're exhausted and then CRASH! fast asleep

So he slept- which was good!

So here is my true confessions....... ugh-

basically he didn't handle the day very well- he hadn't hit me like that in several weeks- and really the behaviors were just all over the place-

he was trying really hard to "control" his world, trying really hard to "organize"

but struggled greatly!

Were these things so significant to cause regression...... well in the world the rest of us live in-ABSOLUTELY NOT!

but to him........ it's everything!

The teeny tiniest of things cause these over reactions- which for him typically mean aggressive behaviors

And in reality- it was really nothing- except 5 different changes for him-

So where does this leave us... well this morning he wanted me to 'LOOK UP A LEGO SET'

NOOOOOOOO!!!!

This is not a good sign.. and when I simply ignore the request- he ultimately threw a cup of water at me...

it ended there, which is great

but the fact that his mind is going somewhere which we consider dangerous territory,

an area that begins to take it's hold and manifest behaviors

an area that without a doubt 100% of the time results in out of control behaviors, the sole reason for aggressive behaviors-

and it's simply because he's trying to gain CONTROL of his world.... and for some unknown reason this is where his head goes :BUYING SOMETHING...... I"ve mentioned before

we absolutely have to run the other direction when we hear him say "buy me something from Target".....................ugh-

That by far is the worst words we can hear him say to us because it simply means-

watch out

I'm totally out of control and can't stop myself-

So true confession time:

this is his reaction to very small little changes (as we see them)

he has been in a good place, and I really thought he would have handled all these things better

but between now and the first part of 2014...... I have 2 words

setting events

These are things that are likely to cause an uproar to Ty and his ability to cope and not have problematic behaviors, aggression, etc

We'll start with tomorrow: Sarah has teacher work day- so no school.

Monday, holiday for all

Then it's teacher conference week so early release every day

our behaviorists have to change the schedule because they are taking part in a special training to help protect themselves and be certified to deal with physical behaviors - it's a training specific for my son's case

then it's the Thanksgiving Break for the entire week

Megan's birthday

December: Christmas time: Christmas decorations: Christmas lights and decorations: (can you say sensory system overload:

and I try to tone it down: but the tree alone-

WOW- if you have an over reactive system

Some school events that have been packed in right before xmas break

Brian has several late night work meetings

Xmas break for the girls and Brian

Our awesome behaviorist is taking those last 2 weeks of December off- so she won't be here

And here's our ticker: I've mentioned before my husband is donating a kidney to his older sister.

And it's almost time

We're looking possibly sometime in December before xmas- or just after the new years

And it truly is the most amazing thing - incredible he was a perfect match

and true confessions: how are we going to manage?

Ty couldn't even handle these small changes of yesterday

how the hell is he going to handle Brian gone, in the hospital for at least a few days-

I'll have to figure out some how to get Sarah to school- solo parent with these major changes

Oh, and yes I would love to try and spend some time with my husband and support him while he's in the hospital donating a kidney.... that little thing- you know, the person I love and want to support and be there by his side

how the hell am I going to be able to do that.... I have Ty, I don't leave the house, unless Brian is here with him- we have no one to take care of him- no one who is able to take care of him (we had to stop having babysitters come - it's wasn't a good situation any longer)

And even when Brian is out of the hospital and home recovering

we are looking at probably 6 weeks recovery off from work

me taking care of him as he's recovering

me responsible by myself for Ty and the girls

meals, the house, the dogs, errands, the store, dishes, laundry

yes, most of this seems like no big deal- I"m a mom, I of course wear many many many hats

but the problem is- I have a child who becomes so aggressive and dysregulated and developmentally requires a lot, including medical bowel irrigation every night

how will this all happen?

How on earth will I be able to even manage some of this- when even on the best of our days

he requires a lot!

Heck, he needs Brian so much, and Brian won't be available

and not just for one day, for weeks and weeks

How will this happen- when we have so many setting events coming up

these are things that are completely out of our control

Our controlled bubble environment that helps our son so much- helps him in ways that are absolutely incredible to see

and the bubble is about to have lots of holes

and his controlled environment will leak and leak without much pause

And if yesterday was any indication: of his lack of ability to cope with the slightest of changes in routine:

is it okay if I say "we are screwed!

IT honestly frightens me to think of- because my husband and I have been such an awesome team: but there is no way either one of us could do this with out the other

we each have our roles

and our roles play a critical part in all of our children's lives

despite all the things we go through with our son

we have 2 daughters- who also need us, want us, and deserve to have our attention and focus too

so true confessions: I have no idea how on earth we are going to get through these next few months

I'm scared

I'm worried

I'm strong and I know we will ultimately end up on the other end of all this

but at what price

It will be so incredibly hard and challenging to be a good supportive wife while my husband is going through this very major thing and recovery

It will be so incredibly hard and challenging to be the mom I need to be for my children

It will be so incredibly hard and challenging to be the person I know I am

And just when we think we've been "challenged" in life..... we have this new curve ball as they say

Well, I guess God really thinks highly of us- right!

Or, maybe he forgot that we called Uncle a long long time ago....... because seriously

I certainly hope he's sending us down some Angels to help us and perform some miracles during this time.... do you hear that God?? Come one now, extra strength, extra miracles, extra anything - Alright.... !

For my family, please!