Feeling frustrated

After what was a great day in the works, baking pies with all three of my kids-

each having a different role in the process, we were all smiling, enjoying each others company, talking about the holidays

it was a great day for most of it.

But I'm feeling frustrated because as great of a day as it was, it turned so sour last night.

A Sour that takes over all the goodness that did happen. A sour that makes us angry and reminds us we really have no control as parents.

That sucks!

An obsessive thought was intruding in his brain, taking over his calm self, taking over his ability to cope

And just when you think things have consistently for the most part been staying in this pretty amazing place, a place where we are breathing, a place where we are laughing, enjoying our moments, watching our kids interact together in such a positive way.

But there is always this lingering thought of when will this ride end?

What will be the "thing" that sets him off and he can't come back from?

He was up at 1:00am, went back to sleep around 2:30am, woke up again at 7:30am.......... and then BAM!

Started all over again.

Last night ended pretty bad, he just couldn't snap out of it, he couldn't pull himself back, and it continued until he fell asleep FINALLY!

It's going to be a long day if it continues. So far, after some behaviors early this morning, he did finally settle into the hammock, and seems to be calm right now.

By that I mean, not wanting anyone around, but that's okay!

It will be a bit of a walking on egg shells kind of day, but that's what has to happen to help so things to erupt.

He's like a volcano just smoldering, and then in another second boom!

But if we can just keep him at the smoldering state, then the day will be okay!

But I hate that a bad night seems to erase the amazing day we had.

But it's because the "bad" is "bad"......

and it's so trying not just as parents, but as people. And we see how amazing he is, and the kid he really wants to be..... but damn these OTHER THINGS just take over and don't allow him to just BE!

I want our good moments to define him, not a moment like last night..... and honestly it tells me we have things happening in his environment that he isn't handling, that are causing over stimulation to his brain, that are causing a disorganized brain that can't get a grip.

So today will be a hard working day to try and minimize what I see as potential triggers.

To minimize too many challenges right now because he's regressed and isn't in the same place he was even just yesterday - his body is feeling challenged, so we have to meet him where he is, and where he is at the moment... not where he was 10 minutes ago, or 12 hours ago, or 4 days ago.

We need to meet him where he is in the moment and try to help him through it.

Wow, this seems so simple as I write this....... and I guess in my calm mind I know this to be true, but the problem is when he elevates, it's a lot to stay calm ourselves. And especially elevates to aggressive behaviors, it's really hard to not react or to simply respond in the way our rational brain knows we need to help him.

But let me tell you, in the moment is a whole different thing. In the moment makes all this 100x harder, and it just sucks!

But as he just laid down, at my feet, obviously tired, curled up in a ball, I'm hopeful that his body will rest, and when he wakes up be more organized and the rest of our day will be all about purposeful activities to help better organize, and calm his entire being.

At least I hope so!