the quick switch.....

well, just a little venting time here. I guess this is why I've chosen this format- just ugh today! But not the entire day- in fact, I thought for the most part the day was pretty good, this week has been pretty good- at least by my standards (only a little kicked, and only a few things thrown my way. But no restraint for my little guy. That's a good day in my book. But even a little better then that the last few days. Even responding to minimal challenges as we call them. The rest of the world calls it, asking your kids to do something, ie pick up a toy left out, wash your hands before getting food (esp since you were outside playing basketball and they are black with dirt), please just ASK for this or that. We call this using his functional language- which he doesn't have very much of. He loves to state a problem, but between problem solving and using his functional language to express it, well that's why he has a lot of meltdowns, pretty much like a 2 year old who cannot express him or herself. Anyway, back to a pretty descent day- until I asked him to pick up 3 small toys he left on the lawn (as I knew today was a day I could ask him to do that) There are those days that I wouldn't dare as the cost of the reaction is too high. This is what we call walking on egg shells a lot of the time. But even our professional team has recognized the difference in my son- and his multiple issues play a large part into how we approach him and his ABA. But, to keep tonight simple- he switched on me, he switched fast and I really wasn't expecting it- and then he flipped over the toy chest, flipped over our exercise bike, and threw cups of water on the floor. Sigh! Really, that kind of response- so we do our behavior plan- and luckily he walked away from it all rather then engaging in further behavior- which means he's calming down- we don't dare engage him in anyway just after this kind of behavior- and in fact, I think today was a day I can then request him to clean up the water, put back the toy trunk and the exercise bike. Well, he did- okay- good response. I'm a good mom now! (that's kind of how it feels when you have no control over your child what so ever... ) But then we have dinner- and for some reason he starts crying and weeping because he thought Megan made a face at him- well maybe she did, who knows, but again- that response. Ugh.... so I can see he's really struggling with modulating his emotions. I can see he's having a difficult time. I know if he allows me to hug him very tight, then maybe that will help even for a little bit. So I do, I hug, and I hug him tight- where my arms are about to break off!!! But he calms down- and he allowed me to give him this input and calm him down. Yeah! So now dinner is served, and he gets this great idea of what he wants for dessert, and even better if he goes on the potty right after dinner, so okay! He's motivated- until I don't know what happened, maybe a comet hit our house and struck him in the head and we didn't know it- but he flips again. Are you kind of getting the picture now- up and down up and down- which emotion shall it be... hmmm and everyone keep up please as I cannot regulate myself. Well, this is where things are hard for me- this up and down up and down, switch here switch there- what's it gonna be, are you made, angry, sad, frustrated, happy, gleeful, what!!!!! ugh- I can't keep up. I'm tired and now I have to "clean up the mess" created by your little spat and we have to get you on the potty, and I have to do dishes. Oh yeah, this reminds me- in an earlier post- I mention all my special duties, mom, nurse, doctor, behaviorist, etc, but oh yeah- I'm a house cleaner, a gardener, a cook, a chaperone, a family organizer/planner. I"m sure I'll think of more later. So back to my frustration with his up and down.... and mind you- this is all in the time frame from 6:30 to oh maybe 7:15.... tiring isn't it? So, finally he gets on the potty after a little song and dance, and I can now finish the rest of the chores, including night time meds, dishes, feeding the scraps to the chickens (oh yes, we have chickens- I will post another time on our animal house!). So, he's now calm, in his jammies, teeth brushed- yeah! I finally showered- (I have to shower at night, as I cannot leave the children unattended in the morning to shower- made that mistake one too many times. Now of course it's not the girls who struggle with being unsupervised- my little guy pretty much needs supervision 23 out of 24 hours... otherwise he's doing something he shouldn't, doing something to someone else, kind of like a toddler. So, that was my evening tonight- and it's really hard some days to go through the emotional roller coaster- I can't keep up and damn it's exhausting! Well, as I always know tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow can bring anything- but there is a chance in my world that it will be a fairly better day- as this is the first week (after our bubble was leaking from our pick up excursion 2 weeks ago - that's the 2 x I had to pick Megan up from VBS. Just 2 x, and 2 weeks later we are still just starting to get our groove back. So thanks for the vent- as for some reason (maybe because thursday) I"m tired! And I realized- it's AUGUST FIRST! Oh my- seriously, August- already. And as Brian and I were discussing calendar for the month- (via email while he's at work, because we don't really get to talk much once he's home) we have junior high registration, First grade meet and greet, a few appointments, and it all conflicts with his schedule. Oh crap- how am I going to pull this off at the end of the month- to get Megan ready for Jr. High- (kind of a big deal change of school, change of so many things), and luckily for my littlest, same teacher, same classroom, same school, but she's now a first grader. Again, kind of a big deal. She'll be spending all day at school, eating lunch at school, you all remember- kindergarten is pretty much like preschool. But first grade, well, that's the transition year- I remember with my oldest- wow serious adjustment- and Sarah is not much of a morning person- she is lovin' summer, not having to get up , and eat breakfast right away- taking her time- it's like pulling teeth to get her to get ready for school- even though she loves school. Just not that early! Anyway- don't know how August has come to quickly- where has the summer gone? I'm worried about things. I had a goal that I wanted to be able to take Sarah to school this fall- as last year- that didn't happen. Between Ty either taking a morning nap at that time of a transition of everyone leaving the house, or him not cooperating and then the girls were late to school- we found it best to have Brian take them to school. It's only 1/4 mile- no big deal for most- it's the longest 1/4 mile- I did have to pick up Sarah- and that was about all that Ty could barely handle. And there were many times I had to call my husband because he refused to get in the car- thank goodness he works close by. But maybe this is giving you a better picture of my world. Even when I have to be somewhere- well, never know if someone will cooperate and physically get in the car- even though it was something we did everyday- it was still never routine. We have behaviorist with us- they would come with us- as that is a goal of his transitioning into and out of the car without over reaction- ugh..... I rarely drove that 1/4 mile home without having to pull over to tell him what was expected while we are in the car- he tends to get very anxious, nervous, serious sensory overload- anyone talking- he screams at, anyone do anything he doesn't like- well that's a very long 1/4 mile. I really don't like to be a negative nelly. In fact, I try to always have my kids see the positive things, the wonderful things of that moment, look a butterfly in our broccoli, listen, did you hear that circada? And of course I wouldn't complain about these things to them. However, unfortunately (here's a confession) I take out my frustration on them- even when they are just doing typical kid stuff. But you know, sometimes that one noise, that -you didn't listen on the 2nd time I asked you to do something, the please be quiet as your brother is sleeping and it's been a rough morning. Yep, guilty here! I hate that too- but I also admit my wrong doing and apologize and just tell them, mommy has bad days too. Mommy sometimes doesn't handle a situation as good as I should have- mommy didn't use her words to express my frustration. Or I'm not frustrated with you, so I"m sorry for raising my voice, or getting upset... blah blah blah... Hey, I'm a mom who is known in my house to put herself in time out!!! Well, I feel a little has come off my shoulders. I think we have a lot going on, and a lot coming up- and I'm really not ready for the changes - as it just means more adjustment time - which usually means more behaviors . As you see, we try to keep a bubble. But in reality- it's damn near impossible. And even though we keep things to a "absolute have to do" , soon that will come up everyday- and the bubble will once again have its leaks. So how will it affect him?