Sensory Modulation........ this is what happened last night!

http://asensorylife.com/sensory-modulation.html Another great article by Angie Voss, OTR from A Sensory Life on Sensory Modulation. And this is definitely what happened last night for my little guy, after a pretty good day, getting little sister to and from school, a new routine, lots of great heavy work- proprioceptive input- pretty calm, but in the end: BOOM... but it was a different boom. It was despair, tears, so many tears, hallucinations, freaking out, crying and crying, okay sobbing really. This went on for almost 2 hours- he crawled around trying to hide, he freaked out when anyone approached- so we didn't do that- he was hugging the fan, he kept saying the strangest things that made absolutely no sense. There was continued crawling around the house- and alligators chasing him, and snakes trying to bite him, and just very strange behavior. We were not sure what was happening to him. We had to just let it ride itself out- he wasn't damaging anything, or hurting anyone, but I was scared. I was scared because I haven't seen him do anything like this before. And it continued over a period of almost 2 hours- this strange behavior, pretty out of it mumbling, and seemed like hallucinating. I wanted to cry- but I knew I couldn't. I just sat quiet, non threatening, watching and wanting to hold him- but he didn't want that and he freaked out every time we approached. So we didn't. So I continued to just sit. And wait. My heart breaking for him- is he having a major mental breakdown? Is he hallucinating? What is happening to him? We know his aggressive, anger and crazy behavior that he destroys property and tries to hurt us because he is literally in fight or flight. But what was this? What are we missing in him is what I wondered during this episode. It did remind me of many times when he was little- like 2,3 and 4. He would have these strange episodes of just running around the house, crying, screaming, sobbing- completely out of control just almost like trying to escape his own body. And no way we were ever able to console him- when we approached him he would just hide and run away. But he only cried and screamed. This time there was a lot of verbal talking, didn't make any sense, but snakes were trying to get him, alligators were everywhere, he thought at one point I was a ghost and dead and he kept saying he didn't want to die. Then he thought our little dog Oliver was dead. It was all very strange, very odd, very different, and very scary. But I"m wondering- trying to put pieces together- because I always have to know WHY and how to help... that's my role - so he had a good day, he had a lot of good proprioceptive input, we did leave the bubble to take Sarah to school and pick her up. He had a few minor behaviors, but nothing major. Why was this meltdown different? I definitely know sensory modulation is a big problem for him- what this article describes is him- the quick switching, the constant shorting of circuits, the not knowing how to speed it up, or slow it down- all this self regulation, that he struggles with 100% of the time. Was this a short circuit moment (okay period because it was so long) that it was despair and sadness and honestly a bit of craziness- and not his more typical pure anger and aggression and destruction behavior? I just don't know, it's a very helpless feeling. So sensory modulation- when things get jammed, confused, put down the wrong signal line- it certainly makes for some very difficult moments for these kiddos. And for my particular kiddo- when he's over responsive to some things, under responsive to other things- one day it's this, the next day it's that... always leaving us guessing- always leaving us trying to figure it all out to help him. Trying to just get through the day the best we can, maybe have some happy moments- helping spend some loving time with the girls, and know that tomorrow is always a new day and we- I have no idea what it will bring. But we are doing are best- we are trying to bring the best possible quality of life for Ty and the girls. Good quality family time- good examples of love, respect, joy, forgiveness, and acceptance. Isn't that what all parents really in the end want for their families? It's not about THINGS, it's not about BIG TICKET ITEMS OR TRIPS, really it's about your kids knowing they are loved, and helping them through the bumps of life. Spending time reading a book with them, if they won't look at a book, then finding common ground to engage with each other- our animals have brought that to our family. And one moment at a time- one conversation at a time, one cuddle at a time, one big family giggle at a time- these are our families precious moments that we focus on and strive to achieve everyday! Now of course, I absolutely hope the rest of today continues as well as it began. I pray that Ty handled the bike trips to and from school to bring Sarah and pick her up. I hope I've provided enough of the right inputs to help him remain calm and continue on with the day without major behaviors. I hope that tonight is nothing like last night. That was simply awful! And if I felt this way watching Ty go through it- I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for him, experiencing it all.