if transitions could always be this good.........

A good Wednesday. A calm Wednesday. Kind of felt like a regular Wednesday. Brian is working late- so I"m flying solo as they say. But it's been pretty okay. He completely ignored the behaviorist when she first arrived. Took him 1 1/2 hours to acknowledge her. But he was pretty engaging with me and there wasn't any behaviors, so okay. He worked on his fort some more, added another room. This is starting to get big! As the day went on, both girls arrived home from school. He did take 2 naps today. One in the morning and one in the late afternoon. He played some basketball while I was finishing up some necessary chores. Gave him clear direction on when I would be calling him into the house for dinner. And he did it. He came in when I asked, without yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing (which is usually the typical transition response). But not today! And he even commented on how he came in like a big boy. Then I decided I can push this a little bit to really ensure a continued smooth transition. We have a lycra hammock swing hanging in the middle of our living room. It's great for so many reasons. I said for him to get into the hammock swing for 5 minutes and if he continues to do well, maybe that will earn him some more playtime. He wanted both dogs with him in the hammock- which didn't take much convincing for them to jump right in. Ty let me deep massage his legs and calves and wanted me to scratch his legs and said it felt good. Yeah- bonus he's enjoying this and recognizing how nice it feels. He ended up being in the hammock for about 8 minutes total. Woo Hoo!! Now if only all transitions could go so well. And he agrees to go in the hammock for 5 minutes during this transition time- wow what a difference that could make for him. But he's usually so defiant that no way is he going to do what we've asked him to do- it has to almost always be on his terms........ unless we're sneaky! But I'll take this victory transition for today and smile till the sun rises tomorrow! I guess technically still have to get all off to bed solo- which seems like it would be easy. However, it's not. Just plain and simply- it's not. But I'll still grin thinking about that transition right into the house into the hammock! yippee!

Two projects completed.....

So here is the finished project: My small kitchen island with storage built using an old black Ikea table desk with added repurposed fence boards...... and creativity! waa laa not bad! _____________________________________________________ And for the second project: created, designed and utilized by my 9 yo. Took him 7 hours yesterday and now he has a really cool hideaway complete with shelves for flowers in the front and lock for the door. How cool is this fort!!!!! He's proud of it. I'm proud of him.

Get me off this crazy roller coaster.........

So it is officially October First. It was a day. A day that was up. A day that was down. A day that was way way down. Then it was a day that was up again. Can't keep up? Neither can I! It was going well- then the behaviorist showed up and I guess I didn't understand the game he wanted to play. Or really prank. "Let's pretend we are not home and see what she does?"- well I said, I will pretend for one minute, then I need to open the door for her. Not sure where the communication got lost (He pretty much never quite hears what we actually say). So I open the door, or actually just attempt to and boom- here we go. Hitting, name calling, blah blah blah.... I go outside- carrying my purse (my purse has to be on me at all times these days. With all that running away and locking us out of the house, taking money from my wallet to buy things at the store when he did run away.... yeah I keep it with me. Keys, wallet, cell phone, home phone.) So I go outside, he has sticks and is angry as hell (again, over what exactly??) But that's just it- we are never fully sure what sets him off- it can be so many things. But he ultimately calmed down. Even apologized to me. Which rarely happens. He's most times honestly in like an altered state. So we went on about our day. He didn't want much to do with the behaviorist. He wanted to build a fort out of all the wood I have. So, okay- let's start. I helped him for quite a bit. We got one wall up, then a second wall. Looking good- then the discussion on the door came up. I guess he was very anxious to use the locks I got from the store for 0.50 cents... a barrel bolt, another kind of latch lock.. he loves locks. I knew they would go over well. And all attention turned to the door- and how he can make a door and lock it. Hmmm- but really he didn't want suggestions or ideas. He didn't know what to do- and he was asking us for ideas. But when we answered- ugh- here we go again. So I walk away. That's what I try to do for the most part when he starts in with either verbal or physical behaviors. And then something happened. He didn't aggress (that'a a behavioral term for going after me, he simply went about his business trying to figure out how to build this door. Wow- pretty awesome moment. This building of the fort went on for about 7 hours today. Non stop- he was so engaged in this activity. Hammering, drilling, planning, trying, trying and trying again when the locks didn't work the way he wanted. Pretty cool in my book on so many levels. And then down again. Really- now what? I was about 100 feet away working on my new cool kitchen island made from an Ikea table by adding my repurposed fence boards- it's looking good (will post when I'm done) so, back to my project, he's working on his project. Pretty good thing going on here- and then all I hear is L (behaviorist) threw my smoothie and it hit the car!- WHAT..... oh come on ... not exactly- He doesn't ever realize that I am always listening, even when I look like I"m not. I need to always be present in case something erupts between him and the behaviorist. So I knew exactly what happened. He asked L to move the smoothie- even though he was right next to it- she asked him to just move it since it's right there, and with all his hammering- it fell over and spilled. Okay, no big deal, right? Wrong- he got upset, yelled at L, it's her fault and then threw the smoothie and it splattered on the car while L just simply walked away. So, not quite the story little man. But then he again got engrossed with his project. Keeping up yet?? Okay, fast forward. L is gone. Sarah comes home from school. Megan comes home from school. Oh, one big important fact........ he hasn't taken one nap at all today. Not one. So, okay- no nap, how will this day end? Hmmm- fast forward, Brian comes home. Things appear to be going just fine. Then Boom..... now what? Something about football, and he's mad at daddy because of football, and blah blah blah.... ugh- and he starts up again. In fact, he starts climbing and climbing the anger mountain. At first he retreated. Hid in the garage- we thought- good, he's calming himself down. He was in there for about 10 minutes (or so it seemed) and then there he was- at the front door with a giant stick threatening to hit us. Brian intercepts him, takes the stick from him (he's a little braver at the approach then I am) and he was needing restraint. He was crying, he was yelling, he was angry, he was sad, he was crying harder, he was fighting with every ounce of his body. I hate this. I hate this so much. And there is nothing else we can do when he's like this. He'll hurt himself or someone else. But I hate this part of whatever it is- Autism, PTSD, Mood Disorder- what ever it is- I hate this part of it- the part where he gets so out of control that we have to restrain him with every ounce of our being because damn he gets super strength when he's like this. So much, that I had to step in and help Brian. He's spitting, he's pinching, he's kicking. He's twisting, he's sweating, he's stinky, he's slippery to hold on to because he's so sweaty. But he's not backing down, he's not calming down... this is a big one. I even got Ollie- and he refused him and pushed him away. Then he'd smile, and then he'd cry. Oh boy- he has no idea what he is experiencing. So, this went on for about 45 minutes. Yep, 45 minutes into our evening- girls were just playing else where (they usually know to stay away, and if not, we tell them very quickly to go in the other room). So 45 minutes, he kind of accepts Oliver, we back off a bit to see what he will do. He tries to start up again because now he's mad we held him down as he calls it- and then started to cry. Cry not like a nine year old cry. Cry like a 1 or 2 year old cry. Where the world is collapsing around him and he can't stop it. I hate this part too. Believe it or not, this is a scientific graph-able (is that a word?) behavior- and there are stages to this kind of meltdown, rage episodes. Who knew? But I guess we really always have, because we know that unless he has made it full circle to the crying and weaping part of the cycle- it will start up again. But if he continues through the crying and weaping phase... then odds are he's over it- the behavior will be done. And it was. But not without us feeling like crap. Us feeling exhausted. Us feeling sad. So many different emotions- and with a day like today - a big roller coaster ride up and down up and down. It's hard sometimes (okay most of the time) to keep ourselves in check. But one thing is for sure, these days do make me sad. Sad that my little guy struggled so much. He couldn't get himself together to prevent this kind of major meltdown. He had moments today- lovely moments. Enjoying his fort. Sharing his fort with Sarah- pretty awesome moment for me! But then in the next moment- boom. He's in utter despair. His world is intolerable to him. His body is being assaulted by things that no one else can understand or experience. It's like he tries to crawl out of his skin at times. And so, I"m exhausted physically and emotionally. Brian is tired, physically and emotionally. These are hard days for us. We are simply helpless. And now it's time to put the girls to bed. Get some sleep. And a new day will start all over again for us. My only hope is it's a little kid roller coaster ride. No more big roller coasters with several loop D loops, corkscrews, and faster then lightening. It's starting to make me feel a little whoozy!

Last day of September, really?

SHHH- don't tell Ty it's the last day of September. I'm trying to hold off because once he knows- well one word: Obsession and Overwhelmed. Okay, that was two words.... but anyone who has a sensory kiddo knows the overwhelming holiday of Halloween. It probably is one of the worst holidays as far as a sensory kiddo goes. And therefore for the parents too! So not looking forward to this month- how terrible is that? I guess when you have a history like ours, pretty much no Halloween passes without literally all hell breaking lose. And you probably can tell, our hell is quite different. And it's just when things are finally quieting down over here. Three days of a much calmer little guy, happier kid, kinder, actually sitting and playing with toys for even just a little bit. And tomorrow, begins the month of October. The month that begins with the same letter that causes so many issues for my son: his obsessions get the best of him, he's overwhelmed, he's completely dis Organized in his brain. So, happy last day of September - wish us luck in October. Did I mention we are on three days of things being a little calmer around here? And please do not tell Ty it's October and I beg you do not ask him what he is going to be for Halloween!!!! If you do, well you get to come babysit :)

An entire day without......... and then waffles?

Here is the sleep picture of the day:

.......................................................... Yesterday was an entire day without behaviors. Not hitting, no throwing, no kicking, no screaming. A day that was quite nice, a day that was calm. A day that was filled with smiles, kindness, and engagement. This was day 11 of air tight, zipped bubble. And even though he was up at 2:30am until 4:30 am kind of manic- he ultimately went back to sleep. And then at 8:30am I could hear almost like a quiet little mouse. Creeping about, closing cupboards. Opening the fridge, the dishwasher door. What was going on? Who was in the kitchen? I was tired for sure- when you're up from 2:30am to 4:30 am, even just pretending to sleep (but you really can't knowing your child is wide awake doing who knows what??) But what is going on now? I finally muster up the strength to open my eyes and go check. Know what I found? My son, making waffles for breakfast for everyone. Yep, that's my boy! Making waffles to surprise us all when we get up. Pretty amazing.

Look what my little boy made me......

Can you believe this sweet little garden wine glass holder table was made for me and Brian by our little guy. He painted it orange because he knows I like orange. The only thing he asked for help with (since he's not allowed to use the saw, for obvious reasons) was the 4 triangle cuts. The rest was all him. Scrap wood we always have laying around- and lots of creativity and hammering of nails. This was pretty cool and a glimpse of what and who our son really is- when his body and soul are not being bombarded by so many difficult things that he is not able to properly process that make him struggle so much with everyday tasks we all take for granted. This is my boy! And he makes me so proud!

Sleep picture for Friday.....