New to the neurodiversity world or just want to better understand it and how it fits for you, your child, or anyone else.
This talk by an autistic adult who is a psychologist and researcher is a great way to understand what it means to be neurodivergent in this world that often sees differences as something to fix.
What is Neurodivesity? From an actual autistic psychologist & Researcher
April Autism Acceptance Month post:
This. The roots of development are autistic for an autistic person…this is their neurobiological existence, everything that flowers and grows from there, is experienced through an autistic root system. This is what grounds an individual to this planet.
This is what helps nurture the planet. This is what makes the planet what it is and helps sustain so many other living organisms. This diversity is vital to its existence. But every living thing on this planet has different needs and contributes to the health and well being of this one planet in their unique way and this is necessary for this entire living system to flourish and be well.
Autism acceptance……..belonging
There are zero non-autistic parts of an autistic person.
If you were to take the Autism away, that person would simply not exist anymore.
It is our entire experience, our whole existence, and for many of us it is a major part of our identity.
In case you’re new here, I’m big on Autistic pride.
What are you proud of today?
Literally 5 minutes ago I stumbled onto an older project that I never got finished (because it’s freaking massive), and reignited my intense passion for that. I’m all excited again now. If I don’t eat or sleep for the next 6 months we could have it done before Christmas
Em
AuDHD SLP
Therapeutic Parenting- Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
therapeutic-parenting-get-comfortable-with-being-uncomfortable/
Therapeutic parenting isn’t “therapy.” It’s about how we are with our kids at any given moment.
It is showing up for them in a way that is supportive of their well-being, their nervous system, and their individual needs at any given moment.
It is through this “therapeutic” idea that attuned, connected caregivers can be “the agents of change” through our relationships with our children and by showing up authentically and responsively...........
click here to read the article in its entirety-
therapeutic-parenting-get-comfortable-with-being-uncomfortable/
........It is through these sensory-rich experiences that they begin to process and figure out how they fit into this world. This is a developmental process. This is learning. Kids learn through their senses (body up), and it becomes a felt sense in the body that, as they grow up, becomes a felt memory. It is these experiences of how others around them make them feel that contribute so much to their understanding about themselves, actively shaping who they are, and this becomes their inner voice: am I loveable, am I likable, am I good enough?
It is through our repeated experiences and predictable co-regulation that we feel and can develop our own self-regulation skills, which we can then pass on to future generations. There is no self-regulation without co-regulation!
The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind”
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Self-regulation comes from feeling safe in the company of another. This is under our awareness. This sense of relational safety is felt in the nervous system. ...........
........Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is through this personal growth that we become more capable of showing up as authentically as possible for our kids. Our kids thrive when they feel seen, safe, and soothed by our presence. This, too, becomes their inner voice.
Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love.”
Dr.Bruce Perry
All of this…. 👇. Unfortunately when my infant son was experiencing great pain in his first years of life (turns out due to dysfunctional diseased bowels) I knew just enough about the early years to be worried about his brain development and ability for attachment, bonding and his overall development and well being.
Trauma (PTSD) from all his medical experiences was his first diagnosis at age 5. It’s been a long bumpy road, and we will never give up on him.
Early trauma creates a nervous system that has a very hard time coming out of “protection” and struggles for “connection”.
Healing can happen! Connection can happen!
Want to know more about why I don’t like ABA and believe it is harmful?
This is a good explanation by the Autistic Science Person.
Always ask yourself, is this type of program supporting my child in a way that celebrates their differences, appreciates their experiences and understands they deserve respect, autonomy and to build their capacity to gain a sense of self without being ridiculed, shutdown and harmed?
If you don’t think this is happening in these behavioral programs, I would definitely ask a lot of questions of the staff that work with your kids and notice how your child responds when they are told it’s time to go to the therapy center.
Our kids are always communicating how they are feeling, even when we don’t want to see what their message is telling us. Our kids are not to be profited off of by these corporations, and this is exactly what is happening now more than ever.
Our US govt actually has moved away from these behavioral therapies because their research on outcomes was not favorable to continuing to pay for these services.
There are so many better alternatives that prioritize what is well known about child and brain development, relationship based supports that don’t harm our kids.
Behaviors are just the symptom, like a fever. What needs support is everything that is the root cause of the “fever “. Behavioral therapies just try to make th fever go away without understanding everything that contributed to the fever in the first place. A fever won’t go away if their is an underlying infection. You have to treat the underlying infection for the fever to improve.
Original post from Autistic Science Person-
I'm tired of hearing the same arguments that ABA therapists use over and over again, so I wrote a new post that breaks them down here:
"These situations are why ABA is a breeding ground for meltdowns. The only way ABA knows how to “train” a child, to “motivate” them (as if they were lacking in motivation before this), is to negate their needs or take away their joy.
It’s as if there’s an assumption being made that autistic people don’t want to communicate in any way or form to other people, ever. And this assumption is dehumanizing, further traumatizes autistic people, and reinforces the “they’re stuck in their own world” trope that tells allistic people we’re not really human. This is why treating abled neurotypical children this way is not normalized and why so many ABA therapists who are more critical in other areas of their lives somehow have blinders on when it comes to autistic children specifically." https://autisticscienceperson.com/2023/03/31/autism-acceptance-week-and-applied-behavior-analysis/
I continue to dig deeper to gain more knowledge that helps me make sense of our own lived experiences raising autistic, neurodivergent and medically complex kids who have their own unique needs and trauma that are not included or taught in many educational programs, or textbooks.
So much of what continues to be taught is outdated and is focused on the wrong things.
Kids need support and their unique needs met. Not to be controlled, coerced or fixed”.
They need help with their problems, not punished for having problems.
My lived experiences has given me the passion to want to support families and individuals that so often others don’t understand, misunderstand and do not know how to best support them.
The lenses that many use when they see our kids with neuro differences is based on neurotypical norms, societal norms “because that’s how things have always been done” thinking with no understanding that they experience and process the world differently.
It is how they are biologically wired.
It’s their neurology and something to appreciate not punish because they have a different way of being on this planet.
I have continued to gain more knowledge in areas of brain science, human physiology, attachment, and relationships. As well as the laws in place to protect our kids and families especially while in school- IEPs, disabilities rights, IDEA, 504 accommodations
All have been foundational to providing the right supports for my own family and now for the families and caregivers I work with.
Want to learn more, check out my website
I offer numerous free resources and useful information that is founded in science, is neuroaffirming, and understands the importance of a holistic and relational mindset when supporting kids.
I believe when parents/caregivers feel empowered and supported with the right tools that meet their child’s unique needs, this is when everyone’s nervous systems begin to feel connected and safe to experience more joy and balance. This is what promotes growth and well being for everyone.
I also offer free 30 minute consultations if you are curious as to how I may be able to support you and your child.
Our kids are whole beings; mind, body and brain and we must consider this as well as their experiences and individual differences when supporting them.
It’s never doing to, but rather working with approaches when we begin to see the growth and joy our kids deserve.
https://www.crowsnestadvocacy.com/
Shared from The Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint:
Brain areas implicated in the stress response include the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Traumatic stress can be associated with lasting changes in these brain areas. The amygdala detects threats in the environment and activate the “fight or flight” response. The use of restraint and seclusion can lead to changes in the brain.
Anyone else relate? I would add “dad” rage as well.
But what choices do the kids have after a chaotic situation? We (the adults present at that moment) tend to bark more orders, tell them to stop, punish, tell them to go to the room, etc…..
put yourself in your child’s place…….would any of this help you when in this brain state ?
Curiosity is what leads us to understanding what our kids cannot often express verbally, or while their verbal abilities are limited, if they are present at all.
Which is why when they are overly stressed, they tend to “lose” any skill they may have had or have been taught…but they are cut off from the thinking brain in order to access this higher brain function.
It is a developing skill that for some of our kids, takes a very long time and lots of practice and experiences of feeling it by adult modeling to get better at. (Look how many adults lack the skill or capacity to access the skill themselves).
So I wish everyone a wonderful “spring break” that brings moments of laughter and joy to you and your families.
Remember to sprinkle self care throughout your day. Your kids will thank you for it 
"Moms everywhere are constantly bombarded with sensory stimuli that outpace their ability to process or cope with it.
Being constantly needed, touched, and hearing overlapping sounds, all while trying to run a household and complete mental tasks, is very overwhelming.
Feeling irritable because of these things is not a sign you are a bad mom; it is a sign that you are experiencing overstimulation."- Institute of Child Psychology
Imagine all of this! And then ask yourself, how can I help while not adding to their stress load?
A recipe for escalation!
I am sharing a comment I made on a recent post for an organization that our district contracts with for “crisis prevention” that has received a lot of attention and comments that are in agreement with my comment.
I’ve begun discussions with the district, as what this organization trains in is not crisis prevention, and is a recipe for escalating any dysregulated human, especially our vulnerable kids.
This is what we are seeing everyday in our classrooms. Outdated methods that actually escalate already stressed and dysregulated kids AND importantly our already stressed and stretched very thin teachers and staff, para, etc. This matters.
My comment …
“This is cognitive…..=neuroscience has taught us (30 years ago) that we must use body up/ bottom up approaches first to co regulate . There is no access to thinking brain which is why we need to understand this brain science and esp brain state dependence and how this impacts our ability to regulate our nervous system…..add brain differences and it is even more challenging.
Which is also why connection through co regulation is the ONLY thing that shifts brain state to the thinking , social engagement brain, the cortex.
These 5 steps most often will fail esp when using them with kids or a dysregulated adult. Talking, explaining, reasoning are all higher brain functions.
Please learn about this important neuroscience because these outdated approaches are harmful and leading to trauma in many kids, esp when practices such as isolation, seclusion or restraint is used in response to “behaviors”. Behaviors are signals of distress. Do you want to be punished when you get distressed, or told to stand outside or worst, have hands placed on you because you didn’t calm down?
Kids are humans and deserve better, as all humans do. The information is readily available ….30 years is a period of time that has no excuses for not keeping up with the research and science.”
Let’s talk transitions!
THEY ARE HARD for many of our kids.
It’s important to understand the WHY that lies under what causes them so much distress during transitions.
It’s not a choice or a conscious decision. There are physiological reasons that our more vulnerable kids struggle with the stress of transitions.
Shared from NeuroWild:
You have assumed that my kid has made an intentional choice to not do the thing. You have assumed that they are entirely capable of doing the thing in this moment, but they have chosen not to. Based on this reasoning, all my kid needs is more rewards offered and more consequences given. Then they will learn to make the ‘right choice’, and just do the thing.
This is so incorrect.
As Dr Ross Greene says, kids do well if they can.
My kid WILL do the thing WHEN HE CAN.
When he doesn’t, it’s probably because he’s too dysregulated.
It’s probably because he has absolutely no mental energy left.
It could be because he’s had to mask hard all day and he’s got nothing left to give.
It could be because he can’t access his executive function skills in this moment.
It could be because he’s not ok inside.
It could be because he is too sad.
It could be because he is a perfectionist and doesn’t think he can do the thing perfectly right this minute.
It could be because his head is pounding from massive sensory overload.
It could be anxiety.
It could be because he has learnt that mistakes are punished here.
It could be that he is minutes away from shutting down.
It could be all these things.
When my kid doesn’t do the thing, it is because he can’t- not because he won’t.
Do not make the mistake of thinking that my kid just isn’t trying hard enough.
He tries so much harder than you will ever know.
Em 🌈
AuDHD SLP
It looks different, it feels different, it should be different. And it’s quite wonderful!
Picture to the right: is an "unschooling" project where we took apart an old toy, reused the motor, and created a "robot" with buttons, google eyes and it moves. There was a lot of learning this day. More importantly, it was a lot of fun and connection-building.
Original article
