Does the ABA technique of “planned ignoring” work?

A great post from Dr. Mona Delahooke, PhD.  I agree with her that this approach of “ planned ignoring” for many kids cause things to get worse,  not better!   

https://monadelahooke.com/the-hidden-costs-of-planned-ignoring/

We must use the  current research related to neuroscience when it comes to behaviors.  The brain and the body are connected.

  Why are we still using outdated theories that these kids just lack motivation; these kids just need to be taught more adaptive replacement behaviors; that these kids have learned that certain behaviors get them what they want.  These are literally puppy training techniques being used on our children.  When my son was receiving ABA, 30 hours a week, “planned ignoring” was one of several  inappropriate “tactics” to gain his attention, get him to comply to a demand, to reward an approved replacement behavior and try to extinguish the behaviors that the behaviorists didn’t think was appropriate or useful; of course all without even knowing my child.  

This approach of ignoring him always escalated him.

  For a child who lives in a state of constant fear and uncertainty about his entire world, this ignoring only created a scarier world that he had to figure out how to exist in.  This led to an increase in his anxiety and caused more challenging behaviors because of his constant triggered state of fight, flight or freeze.  

I questioned the behaviorists repeatedly on its effectiveness.  

Why would we ignore him when he is clearly trying to communicate?  

His behaviors have always been the warning signal of frustration, distress, confusion, and pain.  

For a child who literally  has a hole in his abdomen with a port opening, how can we ignore the possibility that something may be wrong?  

We always saw an increase in his behaviors and struggles when his bowels were “backing up”.  It was common for him to not feel good for weeks before we ever really realized it.  He never said, “I don’t feel good.” Or “ I hurt, my tummy hurts, or my head hurts.”   Nothing.  

These signals were not processed in a way that he could put the feelings into words.  He still struggles with this.  

There was and is a disconnect.  Mixed signals between his body and his brain.  So what would happen if we ignored his attempts to communicate?  Yes, it wasn’t through words; it was through his behaviors.   But what are the possibilities if we ignored these warning signals?

We usually saw more challenging behaviors when he wasn’t “feeling quite right , or something was off”.  It wasn’t until these struggles increased and we saw other signals, such as poor appetite, lethargy, and many times vomiting did we know he actually needed medical attention.  

But what if we didn’t pay attention to these “warning signals” as behaviorists instructed us too?  What if we punished him through “planned ignoring” to gain control and compliance from him?  Even thinking about this makes me sad because we did listen to the professionals and we did attempt the “ignoring”approach.  But most often it was not effective.  

It only increased his challenging behaviors. 

It escalated him to try harder to gain our attention.  

When a child has known so much pain, and fear due to medical issues his entire life, which created trauma, chronic fear, anxiety and confusion how could we ignore him?  

How would this help him in anyway?  How could it possibly teach him anything?  This does not teach him more “appropriate” ways to communicate?  

The neuroscience, the Poly Vagal Theory that Dr. Stephen Porges has described through his research has helped us understand it won’t.  It can’t.

  Until his body can regulate, be successful to co regulate with us, he will continue to experience fear, anxiety and fight as if his life depended on it.  For my kid, this is exactly what was on the line.  His life.  He had to fight.  

Autism  complicated his world because he has not been able communicate in a way that others can understand.  When he doesn’t feel good, he doesn’t know how to connect the feelings to words.

  Or when he tries, we have found his brain mixes up the words or chooses words that to others doesn’t convey the message he is intending in order for his need to be met.

  This has led to its own set of challenges as one can imagine.  For example, he will say I’m thirsty. Seems simple.  Those words to me tell me he wants water.  We 

  We now know to ask clarifying questions, because he may say he is thirsty, however the word “thirsty”  tells us one thing, but to him his choice to use the word thirsty was in fact not what he was trying to tell us.  For this example, he was cold.  Not thirsty.  

But to him, he thinks he communicated to us his need, yet we do not help him with this need properly.  We  get him some water.  But remember although he said thirsty, he meant cold, therefore needed a jacket.  Confused yet?  

This is exactly why ignoring any attempts to communicate should not be ignored.  Our kids are trying.  They really are.  

Can you imagine constantly communicating and everyone ignoring you?  And when you use “words” your brain thinks it is saying what you need, but in fact what comes out for others to hear is not that need?  So then it seems like people are still ignoring your attempts to get your needs met?  

This is exactly why we must use compassion.  We must help them feel calm and safe.  We must connect with them so that they can regulate and thrive in life.   

Our kids need us. They want to trust but it is hard.  Connecting with them will help build the relational safety they need.  Planned ignoring doesn’t do this, in fact, it many times makes things worse.