Do you know what sucks?

I had my first "high school" meeting for my daughter. A very exciting thing- as it was an audition class that she got into. Couldn't be prouder-

And as I sat there, with all these other parents of students who also made it into the class- they need lots of parent volunteers. LOTS!

Apparently they will be holding monthly meetings for parents to discuss all the specialty events outside of school.

And all this meeting did was turn my amazing proud and exciting moment for my daughter, into worries, sadness, and almost anger.

I can't commit to monthly meetings for just this 1 class! I can't commit to being on this committee of that committee to support all the different events that will be not during school times.

It was just another huge reminder, that even on a good day I am having with my boy- this reality of ours still sucks. I am trying so hard to give our girls all that they deserve and have earned and opportunities that bring joy and smiles to them. But why does it always have to come back to this type of stress and reminder of what we deal with every minute of every single day.

It's a class for high school. I shouldn't feel like this if I can't "help out"! And I"m sure they would understand- once again our family can't pull their weight in whatever event, situation, activity where parents are required to help out. What isn't understood that even on our best of days- it's beyond exhausting, beyond draining, beyond hard, and yet I took moments and still found joy and smiled. I saw my boy smile while playing with the dog- a good moment. I saw him handle a moment of frustration without lashing out- a good moment. He showed flexibility when it came time to change an activity- a good moment.

And then off to a meeting- where I feel so down and disappointed in myself because I cannot even comprehend committing to volunteering and helping out as much as they need/require! And I see how excited my daughter is, but I know she knows much of what is being asked of us is impossible. She gets it now that she's older. But it doesn't mean it doesn't disappoint her and make her feel sad too. I hate that!

UGH...... Autism sucks- because it's not just Autism- it's this entire world it's created that makes our boy struggle so much he can't function! His medical issues are constant. His challenges are greater than his abilities right now. And even when things are progressing in a good way- it's this type of meeting that almost feels like a big slap in the face wake up call of what our reality really looks like!

Because when I got home from this meeting, which went way past the time it originally said it would be over (which of course only puts in my mind- oh shit.... a change in my expected arrival for Ty- what will this do to him???) And when I finally do arrive home- later than our anticipated time,

yep- transitions suck too! This is what I come home to. A world that is ruled by Autism and it's hold it has on our son. And even on a good day, life happens, things need to happen, and there is a pretty consistent result in these events of life! And it is exhausting! This is what sucks.