Yeah I'm freaking out... But we will be ok

So my little guy who continues to show signs of being blocked up (bowel impacted) , came and woke me up at 3:30AM, saying his tummy hurt and is cramping, his throat hurts and that he just doesn't feel good..

..thought he was going to throw up, wanted his tummy rubbed, was tired, and just couldn't fall asleep

So his throat hurts because he is refluxing so much, which is directly caused by being backed up and full ofmpoop.. Where he gets blocked up is in the part of the large intestines that is almost at the connector point of the small intestines, which means no room for food, feeling full all the time, and lots of pressure on sphincter causing more reflux

Not to mention his appetite is very very low, and these days that is very very unusual

As brian snuggled up next to him on the living room floor, rubbing his tummy, I was next to him just trying to keep,him calm Brian and I shared the look

The look of - oh my gosh, it's this bad and what the hell are we going to do Brian is going in for a major surgery ~he is donating a kidney and Ty is having his own major health issue that requires intervention What are we going to do?

How are we going to manage this? And I know Brian is thinking, how is Jennifer going to manage this on her own. We share another worried look at each other, we are both thinking, really this now?

Why not 2 weeks ago, why not 1 week,,, anytime but 2 days before Brian has surgery!

How many days can we let Ty feel this uncomfortable? Can we just get through this next week?

we will step up even more measures to help, even if just a little bit, we can add things to the irrigation, but it can also backfire....causing terrible cramping without positive results, and more vomiting since it just can not get through What goes in, must come out.

One way or another

I just hope we can get through this week, Know Brian is on the healing path, and next weekend we can tackle this bowel issue....please..thats all we want rigt now...

.one crisis at a time please ...

I only have so much reserves....and lately I am feeling tapped out. ..

...and those moments that only Brian and I share, and we have so many,of them....

..they are an amazing bond we have and gives us both strength when things get tough and things have been really tough these past 9 years

It is only something that is between us, a secret world of parenting a child with special needs. I know this is hard for him, I could see the worry in his eyes.

A helpless look because for the first time EVER he won't be available when Ty needs him, when I need him

And I know he is worried about me and handling all this on my own,

even if temporarily But I will be fine, doesn't mean I won't cry, I won't be stressed, that I will handle ALL things with ease

But it does mean..I will do the best I can,

I may not be available the way I would like to be, especially to the girls, but I know they will be okay!

We will get through all of this, even if it feels like we won't at times!

We will! We always do- some how

So Brian, I know you will read this at some point....we will be okay!

So your job is to take care of yourself, you are doing a good thing, a most unselfish thing- an incredibly brave gesture - one of many reasons why I love you

And we need you to get better soon by resting, by not worrying, by doing everything you need to get better

because we will need you when you are better. You know that ;)

But until then, we will be okay!