That is one of the big differences we experience... with our girls, pretty much on a day to day, we know their personalities, we know their de-meaner,
we know how they'll "typically" respond to any given situation..... but with Ty- it's not like that.
I can honestly say I never know from minute to minute what to expect from Ty.
He is a kid who needs so much routine, structure, absolute consistency with all things, no surprises, no changes and he needs to know what to expect.
Kind of ironic don't you think?
Because he is actually the opposite of all of that in each day to day moment. I think this may be one of the hardest parts of raising a child with the issues he has- whether it's attributable to Autism, the Mood Disorder, ADHD, his PTSD... who knows.... maybe all of it.... but no 2 minutes ever looks the same....
How he responded in a situation one time, well don't count on that same response the next time
So it is always like a guessing game, throwing darts.... because at this point, we've been through this for 91/2 years with him, and for me, my nature is to be prepared, to be ready for whatever comes my way.... I really hate being caught off guard, especially with behaviors-
It's like when things are not going well, he's expressing lots of behaviors- well we're already on guard, so it honestly seems easier to "deal with".
Compared to when things are going well, he's actually showing "more predictability" in his mannerisms, showing flexibility
as things have been for the past 2 weeks..... then is seems so much harder to re group and deal emotionally with these meltdowns.
It is a quick jump out of our emotional good place, back to survival, keep everyone safe, keep him safe, and even trying to predict what his next move will be so that he doesn't hurt himself or others.
He is always full of surprises when he gets into this mode... and there is no way of getting him out of it without taking full control of him
He gets into this place that is honestly so out of touch of reality, he's up he's down, he's sometimes hallucinating, he's manic, he's just out of control.
No other way to put it.... and nothing will stop him
It just sucks!
I think this life of constant unpredictability, the constant emotional roller coaster ride, the possibility that any minute he may explode, and what will it look like?
Will it be manageable, will it be verbal, physical, will he destroy things, will he threaten the girls, will he run away?
These are always the unknowns that we always have sitting at the top of our memory, (until weeks go by and it starts to sink lower into our memory banks... only to then be shot back up to the top like a cannon creating chaos and pain
because, at least for me, I quickly go back into a mode that I hate being in.
It's not a natural state of mind for me, it takes all my energy
but that is certainly one thing my little guy has taught me along this journey
there are more sides to me than I realized, I do have reserves I never knew I had, and I've learned so much about myself
it's quite amazing when I think about this world of our life, and the lessons we've been taught. I guess as they say, you NEVER stop learning! :)
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