Smelled a whole lot better!

Oh, one more highlight to top a good moment day yesterday!

I was hesitant to even mention it, in fear some crazy people who don't understand any bit of our world, decide- "we're simply unfit parents neglecting our child"

trust me, it happens!

Anyway, you know it was a good day for him when HE decides FINALLY after #### weeks (I'm not even going to say how long it's been)

but pretty much he has broken his already long record, it got that extreme)

oh back to what HE decided to DO..... TAKE A SHOWER!

WOW- Brian and I teased throughout the day- what good parents we are

this is what good parenting looks like

wow, we rock!

Because in our reality- we haven't done anything different, we haven't changed how we approach anything, we are consistent, we are his rock of constant

and today (who knows why, stars in the galaxy were clearly all aligned)

he chose to be kind to his little sister, ate at our dinner table, and for the first time in way too long, took a shower

He's a 10 year old boy, there is no more "forcing" a bath or shower on him when he doesn't want to

it's simply too dangerous- that's a pure "battle" that we just can't fight

him on, as badly as he stunk, he would wash his face (sort of) and he might have gone swimming a few times in the time frame (which almost counts as bathing in our book)

but since we had gone camping, (yes that is right he hadn't showered before camping and he didn't shower when we got home from a week of camping

unlike the rest of us who couldn't wait to get clean, to feel fresh again- you know that long awaited shower that feels oh so good after not showering

(BTW it's beach camping, there isn't too much dirt luckily, and he did go into the ocean ... that's gotta count, right??)

Anyway, I guess it was that kind of day for him, where he took a shower- on his own, came out smiling, said he shaved like Daddy, and well, smelled a whole lot better!

Wish I could take credit for being some awesome parent that her child cooperated so well with our requests

But if you are a parent of a special needs child, and especially a very difficult one with Autism and .... the laundry list

well, things for him are constantly changing, things for him are always different, his response is never the same,

but one thing is, our parenting!

He just responds differently to the same consistent parenting style that comes from love, patience, attachment, rules, boundaries, flexibility, teaching, guidance, understanding, and just simply wanting to help him be happy and successful- no matter what that looks like!

So, I won't take credit- just a pat on the back to know today, what we do helped him- helped him in a way that has been a very long time

a way that allowed him to simply help himself!

That is a successful moment for sure!

It was awesome!

Second day of school, Brian had to take Sarah to school

Ty fell asleep and there was no way I was waking him up

That's sort of how things are gonna go eventually anyway

So that all went fine and then a minor issue with Ty, but he ultimately used his words to scream "I'm Mad"

hip hip hooray!

How many parents love that their child screams I"m mad at them

in my world "he used his words!!!! "

So bonus for the day one!

Bonus number two for the day, he came with me without hesitation to get Sarah

we waited with Gretchen for just a few minutes before she was out of class!

He had several 'did you hear me" I said SEVERAL

amazing moments with her after school- starting with "Sarah can I carry your backpack?

to for the first time (at least that I can remember) of driving all of 1/4 mile back home and him not screaming at her while in the car

hip hip hooray again!

And it doesn't stop there, when we got into the house, there was no yelling, no screaming, no name calling, no any behaviors from him (which is not usually the case, transitions back in are tough for that little guy)

and and best part

Sarah was telling us both about this class play they are going to do, and she has the part of the rooster

and Ty tells her- ready

"Sarah I can help you learn your lines, I"m a good actor!"

wow!

And they did, they read the play TOGETHER!

sat on the floor, reading this play, and Ty was encouraging, loving, and telling her what a good job she was doing!

Quick someone pinch me... oh wait, never mind- please don't- if I"m dreaming I don't want to wake up!

This was just a wow moment beyond wow moments!

I didn't want to move, I was too afraid I could ruin the "moment" so I just sat there on the couch, watching, with amazement- because

well, truth be told, I was starting to wonder where that little boy has been lately!

It's been quite sometime since we've seen this side of him- this side that we know is deep deep in there

but life just makes it way too hard to come out

But today, we got to experience his gentle side- and it was awesome!

First day of school

First day of school.... I'm tired!

Little one is freaked out by all things and is glued to my side right now!

Literally

Big brother and big sister do not help in anyway by "talking more about it" and saying "there's no monsters"... if she believes there are monsters, then she believes there are monsters...

Just like they did when they were younger. and it just tells me how "stressful" starting a new grade, a new classroom, a new teacher and only a a few friends in this new class

and her tummy troubles definitely do not help!

I know she is struggling because she is never like this-

and although she has her own sensory issues and tics

everything is bothering her sensory wise, every tag has been needing to be cut out of her clothes, even though they are not new

nothing feels right, she tells me 100 x a day "she's emotional" and wants to cry

my poor baby- these are the times I realize she has her own "issues" and usually handles them so well- when she can!

She is my independent one, my one who may have fears, but simply goes the other way

usually her room, boy she loves loves her room- to just play hours at a time in

The last 4 days she won't even go in without me

She'll get through it, but these are the moments that when you have a child like Ty,

who takes so much of your energy, your time, your everything

I feel I have so much less to give to my other kids who "at times need me a lot!"

This is the hard part of being a special needs mom, that I wish I had more energy to give to Sarah and patience.

I'm doing my best, I'm really really trying- we made "monster spray" to spray around the house

that always worked for Ty and Megan to keep monsters away

but she confides she's afraid aliens are going to come through our walls, she's afraid of ET- yes the E. T. the movie we watched like 2 years ago and at that time the kids thought he was so cute

and as most parents know, I can rationalize with her till the cows come home, my words of telling her it's not real just do not have an impact

so for the time being, I do not mind her being glued to me, I don't mind her needing me every time I turn around, needing me to come to the other room so she can tell me her secrets

which are she's afraid aliens are real and going to jump out at her, and monsters are real, and probably a whole bunch of other crazy things that she wants so desperately to stop invading her head

you know, all those negative thoughts that even as adults sometimes in moments of stress, and more difficult times take over -

the negative things that deep down bother us, scare us, worry us that during tough times, know when we are feeling weak and invade like parasites

controlling our minds and taking over our abilities to make sense of things

I know, it happens to me, and always has!

My poor girl wants to know how to "stop thinking" like that, to stop "thinking about the bad things" to stop it all!

This is how I know it's been a tough week for her... :(

And really the only thing I can do is listen, hug her and tell her I"m always here for her no matter what!

and I hope that's enough to make her feel safe!

But boy am I tired!

Last days of summer

Where did summer go??

How on earth is it almost over and school is about to begin in 1 day?

I'm so conflicted about how I feel about school starting up- I know it will be easier for Ty

that part is good, it is just so hard for him to have all of us in the house - it's just too overwhelming

but my girls, will be off to school, littlest in Second grade already and oldest eighth.... how is that possible?

I feel like we didn't get enough time to just "be together" this summer, we were always kind of managing each day, to try and maintain some civility in the house

and I hate that- but it is what it is

that was the summer.... kind of a lot going on and it absolutely affected Ty

Gretchen helped him out so much in so many situations, but the reality is

his brain continued to misfire and run wild with over stimulation

and I"m sure the fact the my boy is now 10 and beginning to enter "pre-puberty" doesn't help all the things happening to him, all those hormones- ugh!

It's the reality, but yet makes things even more out of our control to help him, since he is still struggling so much to help himself!

The roller coaster ride has been very up and very down

and he's very hard to keep up after when it's that way

However, I feel very confident that with the girls going back to school, us doing a trainer to trainer model of ABA and not having people in and out of the house every day of the week

he and I can get focused and really bond and work together!

I'll just miss my girls-

But the kids did have a few good moments today-

Megan and Ty set up a "boutique" in our family room for Sarah to school clothes shop (from all of our hand me downs that are stored in buckets in garage.... love hand me downs!

and so does she, so she thinks it's the greatest thing in the world!

They spent well over an hour setting up, putting clothes on hangers, setting up different departments for the different items,

including a dressing room

and although Ty was absolutely trying so hard to control everything, Megan too was trying to control at least something- and therefore

the explosion occurred and Megan opted out of the "play"

but I was proud of her for that- she had every reason to not want to participate, Ty was being very controlling

so she was out of there!

Despite Ty's later plea to sort of try to compromise which to him is a compromise, but in reality his proposal was still very controlling every aspect of the play

but he was trying

Sarah loved it all, she loved pretending to shop, and try things on, and I think for her, knowing her,

she loved participating with her brother- because she (unlike Megan) really tries and tries and will give Ty multiple chances to figure things out

and only after many attempts and usually him being very mean to her does she finally decide to walk away and not want to play

but boy she is forgiving and really tries to help him so that they can play together- but some day's it's just too difficult

but today, the school shopping play went on for about 45 minutes which in my book is pretty good !

So, it is nice to have had a good positive experience today, I enjoyed it, and this also makes me a bit sad because this is pretty typical

things historically start to settle down for him in August, it's rough after the school year ends, then the holidays, then finally August comes rolling around and things start smoothing out, falling into place, kids laughing more, smiling more, getting along more,

and then BOOM school is back in session and we are back to another transition!

and then before you know it, Halloween, Christmas, and then New Years.. and well, it's hard to sometimes catch your breath when it's going by so fast!

So tomorrow, on the last day of Summer vacation for my kids, I will just breath, and enjoy the last moments we have before everyone is off to school!!!!

The week in review.....

Loved being at the beach- incredible weather the entire time!

A pretty fast transition for Ty, at first

but we planned to go to CCI for a follow up check and for Brian to get certified as a handler

and let's just say that kind of threw everything back to square one, just when we were making progress

We had some great great great moments,

and some very very very tough moments

Ty learned to boogie board and even went waist deep in the ocean for the very first time

and had a great time

Ty and Sarah had a fun time playing at the beach, which was definitely a highlight!

We were all at the beach together

As a family

more than once

but not without struggles

Brian was amazing, getting up with Ty every morning at 7:30am to go for an early walk with the dogs

That helped him a lot!

It was our Anniversary the day we came home

and let's just say it was a hard hard hard time coming home

Ty melted down, Sarah struggled all week with horrible tummy cramps

and we couldn't get home fast enough

at that point because

well, sometimes it's really really hard being on vacation!

So back to "life", school starts next week for the girls

have no idea what "will happen" with Ty

I just want him to be a in much calmer, happier, less angry state of mind!

Those major ups and major downs are really hard

both emotionally and physically and

well, I just know we are still really missing something in him

So vacation was a vacation in that we were not home

but not enough time has passed where we would say we want to go anytime soon!

Or at all,

Ever have a vacation where, well, everything was just really hard and makes you re think if the reward is enough ?

This trip, wasn't so much...

but yet we had some "nice moments" ..

ugh these are the ups and the downs of a kid with special needs,

another kid with current health issues that cause her a lot of pain and cramping and we can't get to the GI doctor soon enough

and I'm sure being "away from home" didn't help her one bit so lots of tears, lots of pain, and well, that sucks and brother is anything but sympathetic!

So yeah, lots of "mean" behavior towards her and I hate that... Brian hates that

and again tells us, boy he is off!!!

Every little thing made him explode out of no where

He was so volatile, we never knew what would set him off

and then he would retreat and lose himself into an activity like digging a hole, building the campfire, lego's, or boogie boarding

but it was always very temporary and short lived!

So, I'm ready for some relaxation, some calmness, some more predictable days!

And that is our week in review!

My one wish....

I need a vacation!

Good news is we are- yeah!

But the prep and packing and all the stuff to get ready

well, you know- sucks!

But I"m hopeful once we get to the beach, life will slowly mold into the soothing sounds of the ocean waves crashing, melt into the warmth of the sand between our toes, laughter of just being in one of the best places on earth

Well, I can dream- but it will certainly be a nice change of scenery, change of pace, and hopefully a little relaxing!

Ty said he was really looking forward to vacation because it's the first one with Gretchen

oh and we have all agreed to have a family Nerf war

It is the perfect place, but I just hope he hasn't built up what it will be like in his head, because well, he'll quickly get disappointed when everyone just wants to "have fun" and play nerf wars, rather than follow "his rules" that pretty much no one but him understands, despite the constant explanations!

Let's just say it will be interesting, and I just hope he "let's his guard down" and goes with the flow and has fun with it!

I hope!

But we usually have a good time eventually while at the beach- it's good for all of us!

Campfire from morning till night, relaxation usually at some point in the day

leisure time, beach time, kids "playing",

us playing with them, riding bikes, scooters, playing catch, basketball,

building sand castles

watching Gretchen experience the beach with us

and my only one wish is for us to all be able to go the beach together, as a family

the past few years, it was too much for Ty to be at the beach as a family- so it was either me taking him or Brian.. and we would literally switch when the girls wanted to go

it just is how it is, it's simply too much and he has behaviors... but when it's just one parent and him, it's a much better experience

so just one simple wish, to be able to walk just across the street (literally that's how far it is from camp site)

and as a family enjoy nature's wonderland together!

My one wish!

not just exisiting, but playing

A good moment going on over here

Ty and Megan playing Wii

TOGETHER!!!!

Yeah, it's been quite some time since those two have been able to even exist in the same house, breathe the same air

and here they are in the same room playing Wii

and I have yet to hear one argument or scream the others name

Pretty good moment!