Natural play...... it's not so natural to some kids

" HOW DO KIDS FEEL PLAYING OUTSIDE? It's all about sensory experiences; children judge nature by how they can interact with it rather than by how it looks. And all the manufactured equipment and all the indoor instructional materials produced by the best educators in the world can't substitute for how it feels to a child to build a trench in the sand or squish mud between her toes. And they cannot replace the sensory moment when a child's attention is captured by the sparkle of sunlight through leaves, the sight of butterflies or a colony of ants, or the infinite space in an iris flower." by Vicki L. Stoecklin, M.Ed. I totally agree with this idea of free and natural play. And I also have been a mother to children who struggle to play naturally. Playing isn't always easy and second nature to certain children. I try my best to create spontaneous creative play areas, and provide just the environment for them to be creative and run with their ideas. It seems so simple to just tell a child to go and play- many parents do this and the child happily skips off to play with toys or in the backyard. When I say this to my kids- I get a lot of anxiety, whining, and "I don't know what to do!" comments. Playing is hard for a few of my kids. So I love natural playscape ideas, for kids to be outside, to breathe the air, feel the wind, hear the leaves rustling. I myself am much happier outside than inside. And the sensory experiences are real, and can be wonderful, but also overwhelming for some. So I try to create a safezone that provides just the right amount of sensory but without overload- colors, gardens, climbing, swinging, pretending, exploring, digging, textures, butterflies, ants, bubble bees, hummingbirds, blue jays, squirrels, ladybugs, catepillars. These are things to explore, learn about, observe, play on, stimulate the creative mind. And without too much structure. Structure can be great for many times of the day, but when you have children who are driven only from structure and struggle with unstructure- something seems to be absent in the childhood. Play is critical. Play is important. Playing is learning. Play based learning is researched, well understood, and in reality works for so many- then the structure of the classroom comes in to their world without the balance of unstructured time. Free to imagine and explore. Free to observe and learn from. Whether it be a mud kitchen, making great concoctions, mixing, adding this, adding that- pretending it's food, a cake, a muffin, spaghetti dinner. That's wonderful childhood experiences. So below are a few of my natural playscapes I've created for my children in the yard. A pirate ship, a 3 level climbing tree house, swings, ladders, gardens, rope bridges, stumps to play with, rocks to line up, stepping stones, a musical wall (bamboo hanging from a tree limb)- and climb, and climb and hang, and climb, and climb some more. Okay you probably got the picture - especially for my kids, climbing has been a scary difficult thing and they didn't do it. So if I can encourage them to climb, to swing from, to hang upside down, right side up, then I know it's a good day. Especially for my Ty. These are all wonderful proprioceptive activites that bring organization, calmness, joy to him that can be very helpful for at least the following few hours. That's about as long as a good proprioceptive session lasts- 2 to 3 hours. So here are some examples of things my children like to play with in our yard that helps faciltate fun, messy, engaging, creative, playful activties. And really there are no age limits when it comes to this kind of play. I even enjoy playing on the rope bridge, creating a mud cake, and of course digging in the dirt. I love dirt! And to see my kids exploring nature, pausing for a butterfly they see, or a hummingbird- it's wonderful and always makes me smile. Because after all, it is the little things in life that can bring so much joy. I love the phrase- remember to take time to stop and smell the flowers.

Sensory Modulation........ this is what happened last night!

http://asensorylife.com/sensory-modulation.html Another great article by Angie Voss, OTR from A Sensory Life on Sensory Modulation. And this is definitely what happened last night for my little guy, after a pretty good day, getting little sister to and from school, a new routine, lots of great heavy work- proprioceptive input- pretty calm, but in the end: BOOM... but it was a different boom. It was despair, tears, so many tears, hallucinations, freaking out, crying and crying, okay sobbing really. This went on for almost 2 hours- he crawled around trying to hide, he freaked out when anyone approached- so we didn't do that- he was hugging the fan, he kept saying the strangest things that made absolutely no sense. There was continued crawling around the house- and alligators chasing him, and snakes trying to bite him, and just very strange behavior. We were not sure what was happening to him. We had to just let it ride itself out- he wasn't damaging anything, or hurting anyone, but I was scared. I was scared because I haven't seen him do anything like this before. And it continued over a period of almost 2 hours- this strange behavior, pretty out of it mumbling, and seemed like hallucinating. I wanted to cry- but I knew I couldn't. I just sat quiet, non threatening, watching and wanting to hold him- but he didn't want that and he freaked out every time we approached. So we didn't. So I continued to just sit. And wait. My heart breaking for him- is he having a major mental breakdown? Is he hallucinating? What is happening to him? We know his aggressive, anger and crazy behavior that he destroys property and tries to hurt us because he is literally in fight or flight. But what was this? What are we missing in him is what I wondered during this episode. It did remind me of many times when he was little- like 2,3 and 4. He would have these strange episodes of just running around the house, crying, screaming, sobbing- completely out of control just almost like trying to escape his own body. And no way we were ever able to console him- when we approached him he would just hide and run away. But he only cried and screamed. This time there was a lot of verbal talking, didn't make any sense, but snakes were trying to get him, alligators were everywhere, he thought at one point I was a ghost and dead and he kept saying he didn't want to die. Then he thought our little dog Oliver was dead. It was all very strange, very odd, very different, and very scary. But I"m wondering- trying to put pieces together- because I always have to know WHY and how to help... that's my role - so he had a good day, he had a lot of good proprioceptive input, we did leave the bubble to take Sarah to school and pick her up. He had a few minor behaviors, but nothing major. Why was this meltdown different? I definitely know sensory modulation is a big problem for him- what this article describes is him- the quick switching, the constant shorting of circuits, the not knowing how to speed it up, or slow it down- all this self regulation, that he struggles with 100% of the time. Was this a short circuit moment (okay period because it was so long) that it was despair and sadness and honestly a bit of craziness- and not his more typical pure anger and aggression and destruction behavior? I just don't know, it's a very helpless feeling. So sensory modulation- when things get jammed, confused, put down the wrong signal line- it certainly makes for some very difficult moments for these kiddos. And for my particular kiddo- when he's over responsive to some things, under responsive to other things- one day it's this, the next day it's that... always leaving us guessing- always leaving us trying to figure it all out to help him. Trying to just get through the day the best we can, maybe have some happy moments- helping spend some loving time with the girls, and know that tomorrow is always a new day and we- I have no idea what it will bring. But we are doing are best- we are trying to bring the best possible quality of life for Ty and the girls. Good quality family time- good examples of love, respect, joy, forgiveness, and acceptance. Isn't that what all parents really in the end want for their families? It's not about THINGS, it's not about BIG TICKET ITEMS OR TRIPS, really it's about your kids knowing they are loved, and helping them through the bumps of life. Spending time reading a book with them, if they won't look at a book, then finding common ground to engage with each other- our animals have brought that to our family. And one moment at a time- one conversation at a time, one cuddle at a time, one big family giggle at a time- these are our families precious moments that we focus on and strive to achieve everyday! Now of course, I absolutely hope the rest of today continues as well as it began. I pray that Ty handled the bike trips to and from school to bring Sarah and pick her up. I hope I've provided enough of the right inputs to help him remain calm and continue on with the day without major behaviors. I hope that tonight is nothing like last night. That was simply awful! And if I felt this way watching Ty go through it- I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for him, experiencing it all.

first day of school can bring lots of feelings.........

Well, first day of 7th grade, first day of 1st grade, and first day of a new schedule once again for Ty. Lots of emotions this day- very excited for all my kids for all different reasons. But my first baby is off to Jr. High- don't know how that happened so quickly. My 3rd baby is off to first grade- at school now all day, eating lunch at school, just not having her around so much- which is good and bad of course. But she's my baby- and has moved into a new level of school, and development and she is nice to have around. But proud of her as well- of course. And this day also brings lots of emotions I have for Ty. If he was following the original trajectory of his education plan- he would be entering 4th grade. But we opted for him to do a second year of kindergarten, for so many reasons. So that would then make him a 3rd grader this school year. But as this school year begins for so many- he doesn't start school. Just like last year, he doesn't attend school at this point. Why many wonder and just ask? Well, we did preschool with him- not successfully. He went into Kindergarten, again, unsuccessfully (this was all before the Autism Diagnosis- all his delays were simply "blamed" on his medical issues"). Then we gave another try at Kindergarten, and that attempt lasted 3 months before we had to pull him out- then we continued that school year through an independent study program through our local school district. Basically it's homeschooling- but we have the guidance of a teacher and we would meet with her once a week for an hour. Seems pretty simple, I didn't have to create lesson plans (although he was only in Kindergarten). But this too ended not well. During this period of 6mo was when he was Dx with Autism and a Mood Disorder-NOS. So we were still in the gathering of information period for him. So then it was once again a summer break- but no services had started yet. He qualified with out local Regional center and we were on the right track- but wow everything takes forever to process, to get appointments, to continue to collect and gather information for what his needs are. We had our local Area Board 3 representatives on board for support for his IEP. As school district continued to fight us on providing him with services and proper supports for his individual needs. Literally to the point that they had said Autism is not interfering with his ability to learn- WHAT!!!!! Are you kidding me??? Here we go again- now it's not fighting the medical establishment to get the proper care for him- now it's the school system. And what a system it has been for him. Just because these are the services you offer (and nothing else) doesn't mean that's the services that best support my son in an educational environment. Period! Our district is a full inclusion district- which is wonderful to have that as an option for those children who will thrive and do well with inclusion. Problem is my son can't handle the inclusion. If he can't handle going out in the community to do "fun" things, if he can't handle going to friends or family's house for a fun gathering, if he can't handle eating at our family dinner table, if he can't handle simply walking around the block without behaviors- well how on earth is he going to handle a classroom environment of 30 kids, where it's supposed to be a stimulating environment to learn, to grow, to socialize, to thrive. He can't even sit in a chair without almost falling out- he can't look at others when they are eating- it's as he say's it "so disgusting"... his sensory is off the charts, his trying to compose himself, to not fall out of his chair, to try to follow instructions when he doesn't understand them- so he literally just 'COPIES' his classmates aka imitate. Which is amazing, yes, but ultimately that kind of stress, that kind of overload to his system, that kind of constant disorganization, from noises, to lights, to smells, to trying to understand and socialize, to following rules, to trying to tune out distractions, literally just trying to navigate this giant classroom, filled with kids, and things all around. Until you have ever experienced a sensory overload to the point of meltdown- I don't think most people can even comprehend what the world is like for some of these kids. And to them- all at once the world begins to collapse around them and it's like suffocating- and nothing is stopping it- I myself have had sensory overload meltdowns, even as an adult. I definitely have major sensory issues. A lot of people do, and it's how we either learn to cope that can help some of us be at least somewhat successful. Also, I am an avoider- just simply don't put myself in certain situations- because I know I'm not able to properly handle it- and it really is stressful. And from my little bit of experience with this growing up, I remember lots of things that "overwhelmed" me- and the physical stress it caused. I was always that kid to throw up due to either excitedness, or anxiety. I always got car sickness, motion sickness even on the playground (damn those tire swings). But what I experienced is still nothing compared to what my son must go through at every waking moment, at every single minute of every single day of his life. If you just stop for a minute- and where ever you are pay attention to the sounds, the smells, the tiniest of noises, the feeling of your clothing, having someone "make you eat dog poop", and people telling you to do this or don't do that, or go there- and trying to put all these sensory messages in there proper place in the brain to then have the proper response.... well it just isn't going to happen! All the messages are all jumbled up, and confusing, and he can't understand someone's direction and no way is he going to eat 'poop' (because to him that's what a lot of foods look and smell like), and every minute of every day for him is "ahhhhhhhhh" get me out of here- So, maybe this will help some understand and look through a different lens of the world for a child who not only has Autism, and Sensory Processing Disorder, and a Mood Disorder, and major medical problems that cause him quite a bit of pain, regularly, anxiety, PTSD, and this is his world. And he couldn't at this point deal with this intimate world of his own, and participate in the outside world where he can relax, enjoy, develop, grow, and learn. But in our closed bubble world.... WOW - he eats food, so he's physically growing, he's wanting to learn- he's engaging, he reads, he cooks, he participates (albeit minimally compared to a kid his own age), but it's what he can do- he smiles, he's happy, he's got a beautiful kind spirit that shines for the most part- until of course that bubble has leaks. But every day he's trying, every day we're trying to help him, everyday we just take a moment by moment- and over time you realize the progress that is being made- is tiny little baby steps. Rather then major regression to the point that maybe hospitalization would be necessary. That's what it came down to the last school attempt. Only a first grader- only was in school for 3 1 /2 months- but that was the decision- it's either we take him out of school or he'll have to be hospitalized at only age 7 1/2. Wasn't a tough decision. We were done fighting school, we were done doing it everyone else's way- sorry no one understands my son and the extent of his complexities, but he's our son and we know him best- and right now- from that day forward we had a lot of very hard work to do- to literally almost have to tame a wild animal. I hate using that analogy- but that's how things were. If he wasn't asleep (which was so hard for him- he was literally running around like a crazed manic, harming himself, harming others, destroying property constantly, running away, not eating, not sleeping - what kind of life is this for a child. Because this is the alternative for him. It's either the bubble- or so much chaos and self destruction. So as today is a joyful day for many- including me, my girls are excited- it's also a reminder that my son, age 9, is home with me and his behaviorist- working on very basic skills- coping, effective communication, independence, transitions, some very basic basic basic skills that most develop naturally- but not for him. And not early enough was his intervention- ever wonder why everyone say's early intervention. Well, prime example- because when a child only communicates like a 2 year old with hitting, tantruming, and other very ineffective ways to express their needs, wants, etc.... well you get a 9 year old who is bigger and stronger who still only communicates like a 2 year old. But that's hard, and now even dangerous at times. But interventions are in place- and almost 30 hours a week we have professionals- helping us, helping our family, and continuing to slowly but surely make tiny baby steps of progress with Ty. But as I"ve said, it's a moment by moment, day by day, and you can't teach someone 'anything' if they are literally never calm enough to stay out of the brainstem fight or flight response.... and that's what our bubble brings to him- for most of the time- so that these skills can be taught to him. And what the future holds, no one knows- but he's our son, we love him, and we will NEVER give up on him- so strange feelings today- but couldn't be prouder of all my kids today-This is a family effort- and our family is strong! And today we smile.

Had to share this article..... WOW!

Please read this article from the Huffington Post. All I can say is WOW! Some people live very simplistic and judgmental lives... very unfortunate! Maybe our society needs more education on "invisible disabilities". Either that or people should just mind their manners and not judge, right! Curious what others think after reading this... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/suzanne-perryman-/to-the-author-of-the-anonymous-note-left-on-my-car-window_b_3806012.html

First day of school for the girls...

How to help our kiddos who don't know where their body is.... read on

Another great share on kids and decreased body awareness and how to help them. From Angie Voss, OTR Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals ***Sensory Tip of the Day!*** Children with sensory integration challenges tend to have decreased body awareness (body awareness is knowing where the body is in space without have to look at the body parts). To understand this concept...close your eyes...and most likely you can identify exactly where all parts of your body are positioned. Our sensory kiddos often are unable to identify where their body is in space. So just imagine how difficult it can be to learn a new gross motor skill or sport or even imitation of body posture in a simple movement activity. The very best way to improve body awareness is to incorporate ongoing mini doses of full body proprioception throughout the day. There are many ideas all over my website and in my books...here is a link to some of my favorite ideas. One other recommendation is swimming...it is such an effective form of full body proprioception, and overall very calming, organizing, and regulating for the nervous system.http://asensorylife.com/joint-traction-and-compression.html

Mommies Monday morning.....

Well, the bad part was having to get out of bed because I was having objects thrown at me. Never a good way to start off a day. Plus Ty had woken up at 3:30am. Woke me up- he finally at 4:30am took Oliver out of the crate (our dogs sleep in crates in Ty's room)and he and Oliver crawled under my bed and finally fell back asleep. Until 6:30am. So this was the start of my Monday. Which I don't even mind the 3:30am wake up call since he was calm. It's the having to get out of bed to deal with his behavior that I hate. So, ultimately things calmed down- he picked everything up that he threw. And today his "shop" is open for business. Yes, we have put a store together, actually a boutique, for Sarah to shop for her school clothes in. Full of clothing racks, shoes on display, and pretend money and cash register. She is our third child, my second girl, and the youngest of all of our friends kids. That is the recipe for HAND ME DOWNS! And she loves it- gets beautiful dresses, skirts, everything she'll need for school. It's wonderful. But she misses out on the whole shopping experience- well sort of- but just like I took Megan, she wanted to shop for new school clothes. So, this is what we do- we set up the boutique of clothes in our living room, including a dressing room. It's fun! She loves it- and this year Ty has really gotten into it. Even hanging up all the clothes on clothes hangers to be displayed. This serious business. The store will open at 10:30am and Sarah got to do a preview of clothes at 9:00am.

So this was a good part to the morning. Especially because Sarah is so excited about starting first grade. And getting dresses from cousins, friends, well she loves it. So the store will open shortly for her to "shop" and pick out new school clothes. A second part to my morning- which was so cute. Ty getting creative. His brain spinning trying to come up with ideas. And after a big weekend of garage re-organization, I was able to put the platform swing back into the garage- which serves as an OT space, a craft space, laundry room, tool work area, pantry closet and bike storage- and pretty much all things storage. But spaces carved out to do the crafts, to play on the swing- it's especially helpful as the weather gets bad. And we're not outside as much. And for Ty, movement with his feet off the ground is hard. And I've been noticing lately he hasn't been doing it at all. Not to swing, not to play, he always wants one foot on the ground- yes gravitational insecurity for sure. I even built a new swing yesterday- it's kind of a 4 in 1. Old skateboard, handles on side. It can be a regular swing front and back. It can be a glider like swing- I said it's like a horse, or a motorcycle, it moves back and forth- it can be a standing swing holding onto the sides to project either side to side, or hang on to the water ski rope above and it can be a "wake board" kind of experience. Personally I thought it was pretty cool, so did the girls. Ty, nope didn't want to even try it. He really is a tough audience. So anyway, back to my day and Ty being difficult to get to swing. Which it tells me that system is really out of whack with him. I enjoy seeing him feel more secure to experiment with motion, with his feet off his ground. So when he went into the garage and started getting creative with the platform swing- yippee! Then he got even more creative- and put his high back booster on top of the platform (it's very low to the ground) and pretended it was not a race car. Then his wheels really started turning. Steering wheel, gas pedal, brakes. So he asked me to get him a few supplies- and he was off! Love when he gets the creative juices flowing. Then he called me in and it was no longer a race car, but a Star Wars flying ship- even with his own little creature friend and levers.

So this was my morning- and it's still only 10:30am. But even though I had to get out of bed in a bad way, these are the types of ups and downs through out EVERYDAY that I experience. Everything is a moment- a moment of bad behaviors and aggression, name calling- anger. A good moment of ultimately being creative, actually doing an activity on his own that is a purposeful activity- the swing, the dog on his lap, cutting a steering wheel out of paper- all very good useful activities (but please don't tell him that) :) So I will continue my day, wondering what each moment will bring my way. I'm hoping for more good moments then bad- but I"m also realistic to know there will be the bad- I just hope it's not too bad. My one wish for today- pretty simple. I told my husband last night- on this last Monday before school starts in 2 days: the behaviorist isn't coming today- so I"m here, with my 3 children without interruption, and I would simply love to be able to take a short bike ride with them. That's it- nothing fancy, nothing monumental- just a short bike ride- where we all enjoy it, smiling, no yelling, no anxiety getting in the way- oh and be able to come back home too! (that's a luxury- biking one way is easy- getting back home is never easy- and that's why we stopped doing it- takes the fun out of it when you have a kid who ditches the bike and runs, or sits on the curb, refusing to move. And as the adult, wondering how the heck am I going to get him home?? So, a simple bike ride on this last day- that's my one wish. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.... and just maybe we'll try it. Wish me luck!