it is freeing to just do what one needs to do for their child, without all the strings, BS, and everyone else telling us "what's best"..
when they can't even agree! And as they say the proof is in the pudding when
he is learning,
he is engaging, he is growing,
he is developing,
he is HAPPY, he is HAPPY, he is HAPPY,
did I mention he is HAPPY....
in my book, that counts for a lot.... he deserves to have a childhood, he deserves to be happy, and damn't no one will take that away from him any longer....
Here is my comment:
I absolutely love this post! Thank you for sharing it...I feel this is where we are with our son... a cross road of "allowing him to be himself, discover and learn his way, no matter what that looks like, and first and foremost, to be a happy joyous child!" It is amazing to me the "negative feedback" people give with regards to what we feel is best for our son... because in the end, all the therapies, all the "professionals"... have never put him together as one child. a whole child, he may be complicated, but he is still a whole child and we can no longer pick at parts and try to "fix" that one thing, because again we are not "helping his entire being"... we are tired of society telling us "this is what we need to do".. but we continue to try and it fails... it's not working for him- but as parents - we know him so well, all the good, bad, ugly, struggles, everything... and most importantly, how to see him smile and play as a little boy should. Screw traditional education that stresses him to his core where he runs away, becomes so aggressive and violent that at age 7, he wasn't going to be able to come back to our home- it wasn't safe for any of us. Now 2 years later, life is still harder than hard- but damn't, we get some amazing moments, see lots of smiles, and have more happy times then difficult one's (by difficult I mean behaviors that are aggressive or property destruction)... we're working on it- but for some reason the time frame by the time he's an adult keeps coming up... and yes parts of that are very scary to us. But I find allowing him to lead and to stop forcing a system (even if it's what the professionals who know think is best), it's still a forced system that isn't allowing him to be who God intended. I know this because the way he communicates. Not with his words, but his behaviors. I too am a very firm believer in behaviors are a form of communication..... and we need to listen to it! No matter how hard it is.... Right now he is showing me these amazing Lego Dinosaurs he created after watching a documentary on Dinosaurs.... ummm pretty awesome! So thank you for all you do- you have helped me free myself of "doing it all the ways" except the way that is best for our son. To allow him to be himself, even if it's not what society, grandparents, teachers, doctor's behaviorists think is right. We've been led down so many paths depending on the professional we are working with. And again, always leading us back to what we know about our son. And right now he is thriving, growing, eating food, smiling, engaging, and most importantly, trying. And damn things are hard for him every single minute of his day- and we see that... but I've never seen him happier as he is "these days".... I love your blog and it has absolutely helped me to understand to free ourselves of the bull#### as you call it- and be present with him- so thank you for what you do. Sorry for the long post, but I read yours everyday, and it speaks to me in a way no other does- and I feel very liberated and indeed proud of my family- particularly my husband and myself, because we are a really good team- and in the end, we love our son unconditional, no matter what- and will continue to do everything our in our power to keep him home, keep him safe, and allow him to be a little boy and free our family of the Bull...... It's what we know works.... and it's pretty awesome!
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