I got a call today... a call I didn't anticipate
I call that took my off guard
A call that quite honestly made me so angry and cast another shadow on the way our society lacks compassion, lacks good judgement, and absolutely just is wrong.
And I hate when only one person can make it feel like the entire world is against you
I hate that I get mad and let this one person affect me and takes away my faith in humanity
That people do want to do good, people do have compassion, and people do not judge
But once again, a simple phone call took this away at least momentarily for me
and quite honestly crushed me, crushed me on a day that was FINALLY going a little bit better than the day before...
and made it a little more difficult to smile
When as a society will we wake up, accept difference, accept others choices, accept and for goodness sake show compassion!
When as a society will we put judgment to the side, and maybe even offer a smile or a simple hello rather than "complaint"
When will we wake up and see that these little children who struggle so much, will grow up, become older kids that now society expects them to "behave",
When will society either show compassion, or just leave it alone
Does this one person know what a horrible day they have created for me
do they even understand what they were seeing or did they absolutely place a judgement that a standard in this person's opinion wasn't met therefore I"m at fault?
My cute little boy, has become a cute 10 year old, and will continue to grow up, despite the lack of development that is expected of him
he will continue to grow bigger, stronger, and maybe still lack so many skills that will make everyday a challenge, as it is right now for him
And this one person, who rather than joining me in celebrating a huge accomplishment that he experienced, judgement was passed. Criticism and lack of compassion had no place in that moment
but yet one person was ignorant enough to not even ask a question to maybe get clarification...
wondering what this is all about..
Background, years ago Ty learned how to utilize our dogs to help him,help him regulate, help him calm down, help him learn a new skill..... just help him!
This is why Gretchen is such an incredible gift for him and our family!
A long time ago, when Ty was going to Occupational Therapy, he wanted to bring Oliver- which was wonderful, he acted as a transition item leaving our home and comfort in the car (even though he barfed)
and provided a natural bridge between him and the OT as dogs do in many situations for him!
Ty would take washable markers or paint or chalk and interact with Oliver by coloring on him, or writing something on him... now Oliver is an awesome dog- he loved this attention and totally loved being with Ty.
Of course Ty has tried it with Sadie, but she doesn't want anything to do with it.
This is a great coping skill he has learned to either interact with others using the dog as a bridge, or simply a calming tool to effectively and appropriately cope with a situation
it helps him with fine motor skills, it helps him with writing, it helps him strengthen his hand and muscles
where do I stop in the benefits of a dog and where do I stop in the benefits of a boy connecting with a dog in a manner that absolutely is mutual and beneficial!
I can't stop... it's never ending- it's incredible, it's the most beautiful relationship that he'll probably experience because dogs don't judge, dogs don't lie, dogs don't do anything but love you and are always there no matter what !
And so fast forward, Gretchen is in our family!
Gretchen is a wonderful amazing and loving dog towards Ty
They are bonding, they are learning each other, they are connecting like you wouldn't believe in such a short time
it is beautiful!
So Ty had to have an xray- that doesn't necessarily mean he'll go.. trust me- it had been over 2 years!!!!
But life with Gretchen has changed some things for him and for our family....and he wanted to have the xray done!
Monday morning, he tells me he wants to go at 10:00am to get the xray.... wow talk about taking control over the situation and accepting and dealing with it!
So absolutely I take him to get his xray... a place he has been to so many times we can't even count- it's downstairs from the doctor's office, it's not a real busy office, it's a place he knows since he was 2
We wait in the waiting room for maybe 3 minutes... not even enough time for him to turn on his DS player!
We go back to get the xray.... he does an amazing job... it's no big deal, snap snap it's over- and we leave!
What an amazing experience, what an amazing job he did, what a difference having Gretchen makes! We go home, that is over!
End of story, right... (well except for getting the call from the doc that sure enough as we thought he is impacted and therefore we need to schedule a procedure for bowel disimpaction.. but that moment, was over, that experience was now in the past
so I thought!
The morning of the xray- when Ty came to me and said he wanted to go at 10:00am to get the xray- and I was elated with him taking charge like that
and knowing okay at 10:00am we'll get the xray- and so the morning went on
Ty had been watching ESPN, watching something about baseball, watching stuff on SF Giants
Yeah, go Giants... no big deal, he watches sports all the time- he gets an idea and
it's an idea that is not new, it's not inappropriate, it's simply a tool and way for him to "make sense" of what will be happening in a little bit- he knows he's getting the xray- so what does he do??
He writes Go Giants in purple washable marker on Gretchen.... she loved it... she loves the attention, she loves being with Ty and Ty loves interacting in so may ways with her! It's so mutual it's beautiful!
He drew a little flower on the top of her head and on the side of her body wrote Go Giants....
This is simply a huge regulating activity for him trying to be calm in a situation that he knows will cause him great stress at 10:00AM- getting the xray!
It's absolutely no big deal, if I was ever worried about it, or worried she didn't like it as our Sadie does, I wouldn't even have to tell him to stop, he intuitively knows the dog is not enjoying this moment, he will stop on his own.... he has a great respect for animals, and in particular dogs... dogs give great cues of yes or no... I like this or I don't... there really is no mixed signals the way there is with humans!
Again, that's why dogs rock for my kid.... he gets them!!!They get him.... it's amazing!
So 10:00am rolls around, we put her CCI vest on her... yes she still has color marker on her as this was a way he was regulating HIMSELF!!!
He gets in the car, we drive about 7 minutes away- we park, and go into the xray place... sit down for 3 minutes- we're already up- xray is done before we know it!
Mission completed, mission successful!
Then today, the phone call.. the phone call that somebody in those 3 minutes of being in the waiting room, while my son was going to be getting an XRAY- which is a big deal - and passes judgment, decides what THEY SEE is inappropriate- therefore they must act on that absolute ridiculous notion that some how this beautiful dog that is accompanying my beautiful son to his XRAY.. first time in years.... and calls CCI to complain that there was writing on the dog... now I don't have all the details.. that is true.. I have no idea what was said, what transpired from the conversation....
all I know I was called by a very special place that we feel absolute connected to for giving us this opportunity to help our son- and I was called, asked how Gretchen was doing and then BAM...
A person saw us a doctor's office last week and complained that the dog had writing on her......
yep, she had writing on her.. Ty was getting an xray- he did that to help him regulate and cope with the situation that was scary and something he had not been able to do in over 2 years... yep... that's what he did, that's what I allowed him to do....
and as amazing as CCI is, and they knew there is no negligent on our part- they understand both sides of the coin
it's their job to follow up on the complaint
and this is exactly why I had a complete loss in humanity that someone, a stranger, a person who didn't even approach us for any reason- to complain to me directly , to ask a question, to simply get the story because this person clearly has no idea what the hell my family goes through, what my son goes through every single day.. and how critical this dog was to him being successful in that moment this person decided to pass judgment and lack compassion.. when I was celebrating this moment of his success, someone a stranger rather than celebrating with me- was him/herself completely inappropriate and went so far as to call and complain about what THEY SAW.... end of story!
How sad is that.... how sad that people within our own community lack so much compassion that rather than asking about Gretchen, whose dog is she... even just exchanging a smile
decided to make my life more difficult because despite my husbands good advice about ignoring others- I care.. .I care ... not what others think. but I do care that I live in a society that just constantly bombards families like mine and makes our situation so much worse.. lacks compassion to understand our situation, offer support or help, or just a kind gesture of a smile...
I wish I could say this is the first time "something" like this has happened
but it's not... and it won't be the last time either!
We live in a society that constantly judges families like mine, when they don't understand what they see- a ten year old running across a parking lot, a mom being hit because her son with Autism is completely overwhelmed and doesn't know how to even use the language he has to say "help"
a kid who is so athletic and plays basketball all day long, but to the people passing by have no idea that he also has major OCD issues and ADHD and along with his mood disorder, anxiety disorder and Autism- can only focus on that one activity at that moment and if things are not "just so"... he will lash out, he will throw a ball at us, he will absolutely come storming into the house with rage if he hasn't gotten it out of his system before .....
never mind that it's dark outside, street lights are on, and he's still out there playing... we can't do anything in that moment to change it...
These are the very difficult days of parenting a child with special needs.. that person who complained has no idea that my son' was having a bowel xray to determine if he is impacted with stool therefore possibly needing to go to the hospital, under anesthesia to literally scoop all the stuck poop out....
This person doesn't even get that my son who is the proud recipient of Gretchen struggles morning noon and night- and the simplest of tasks like brushing his own teeth at the age of 10 is monumental!
So, this is where I get out my anger, this is my forum of being angry and upset that my children are growing up in such a world that lacks love compassion and understanding
and people think there are issues with us.????
Really- because my family is an amazing loving compassionate family that despite the struggles we endure, my children endure, the pains, the difficult days, the emotional roller coaster that comes with what God has given us
But my children including my son with Autism has compassion... he may not show it very often, he may not even at many times know how to appropriately express it, but when you see him and his sisters with our animals, in a safe environment that they don't feel anxious or overwhelmed... they are the most amazing and compassionate little beings- and I hope to God that they never get bitter by the ignorant and judgmental people in our society-
I try to not show them my sadness and anger over "this persons'" actions... I wouldn't ever want to portray myself as "one who gets angry because of what others think or do"
but damn I"m human, I'm a mom, I"m constantly feeling this kind of judgment and someday's it's just hard!
But as soon as I close this button on the computer- I will absolutely hug my kids, and not let this person affect ME as their mom, as a wife, as a compassionate human being!
Because I do know there are lovely people in this world, and many who understand even what I"m writing right now... who too feel way too much judgement from others and struggle in one way or another... and just want something to be easy and not so difficult!!
jI'm breathing again, I"m okay, I"m calm, I"m hungry- so I"m going to eat a nice meal I prepared earlier today in the crock pot with my beautiful and loving family! And not another thought will go to this person's negative energy...
