It can AND should be better for our kids

Just found this gem of a podcast.  Take a listen.  The source is
Here this now.com.   Wow!!
This is why I continue to fight for change in our district.  Not one of you reading this should ever have to go through what my family dealt with (as well as many other families) as far back as 10 years ago.  10!  It doesn’t have to be this way, the information is there.  And now the district trying to implement PBIS and MTSS in junior high tells me they missed the mark years ago, and still missing it.  There is no playing catch up for our kids.  The system needs to change.
As scary as that sounds, it is happening all over the country and the world.  It needs to change in Davis.  Your kids deserve to be educated in a manner that allows them to access the curriculum, to be understood, and to be loved and treated with respect at ALL times.  I’ll never say it is too late for my son.  We work so hard everyday to support him.  But it could have been different.  It could have been better.  It could have saved him from further trauma.
And yes, many of our children suffer unnecessarily because they are misunderstood, they are told they are bad kids, they are punished excessively for behaviors that they have no control over (look at the brain science); and this starts when they are so young.  What happens when these kids are still not understood, still struggling with behaviors that are seen as intentional, they are still critisized for not staying in control or not listening, they are bullied, and still receive constant messages they are a problem at school.   These little kids, become big kids, with bigger issues.  I will never say it has been easy.  But now that my son is almost 16, I want other parents to know, it can be better.  We do not have to accept police being called on our young children because they are melting down due to sensory over reaction.  And yes this happens.  Seclusion happens. Restraint happens. Being sent out of district happens due to “behavior”.
I just don’t want anyone else’s child to have to go through some of these very real experiences.  It can’t continue!  Love to hear your thoughts if you watch this video!

https://youtu.be/mub55HVvQ14

Credit:  www.herethisnow.org

Photo credit:  Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint

A great new Cannabis Podcast. A practical guide 101

Many of you already know our story about Cannabis and the incredible positive impact it has had on our son,( and our family).
I get asked all the time for more information, how to start, does it work, is it legal, etc.

Well, here is an awesome new Podcast called Doctors on Cannabis, featuring Dr. Karen Mo.

It is an incredibly helpful Cannabis 101

Take a listen.  Think of it as the practical guide to Cannabis.

https://soundcloud.com/alison-farley-199412237/medical-marijuana-101-how-to-dial-your-dose

Here is their website:  Doctors on Cannabis
https://www.doctorsoncannabis.com/

When rewards don’t work......why?

This this this.    How many years and tears at IEP meetings trying to help our son.  Even with our amazing professional team by our side, advocating for our son, the notion that our son had no control over his behaviors.  He was living in fight for flight, trying desperately to survive.   He didn't feel safe.  Period.  It isnt up to us to decide what us safe and unsafe.  This is his autonomic response.  Bottom up or body up behavior for survival,  not an intentional choice to "mis behave, to have an outburst, a meltdown,  fight".   No amount of reward offered could change this.  It only made the stress response worse.  If only people from the schools understood this.  Listened to the true experts which we were fortunate to have on our sons team of support.  But instead it was met with continual resistance,  with frustration, with misunderstanding that perpetuated the problems and continued to create more chaos for our son.  We must as a society,  community,  and local educators do better to understand the paradigm of behaviors.  Our kids lives depend on it.  Our kids can be successful.   They are like all kids who want to do good.  They do good when they can.  When they cant, it is up to us the adults all around them to figure out why?  What is causing this stress response in the child?  Why is the child not feeling safe?  Our kids and our schools all win when we propeyly support the social emotional development of each child and recognize that this is a developmental process.  And especially kids with known developmental delays, we must step back and help provide safety and connection first.  When we were continually met with so much resistance from our school, we knew our sons future was at stake.  We had to do everything in our power to help him.  To support him.  To help him grow, develop and be a little boy.  He had suffered so much already in his short life.    We were not going to let others who were choosing to ignore what our expert team said was critical for our sons development,  have anymore negative impact and continue to cause more unnecessary stress that has such a negative impact on our son.  It was clear to save our son, it was time to pull him out of school.  Ideal, no.  Necessary, yes.  And it was the best decision we could have ever made for him and our family.  And 9 years later,  we have the luxury now to look back and see what s good decision we made.  Despite all the judgement and criticism.   We knew what our son needed,  and it was not more stress, an overwhelmed nervous system, more chaos,  more discipline,  more anything;  except more moments of feeling safe and connected by those of us who loved him and know him.  And it helped get him to where he is today.   And as hard as it was, we do not have any regrets or have ever second guessed our decision.

......."t was my job to help the adults in Colwyn’s life embrace a more developmental understanding of his social-emotional development and its impact on his lack of behavioral control. I explained that instead of seeing a little boy exhibiting “bad behaviors,” I saw a child exhibiting “stress behaviors,” adaptations of his ANS working valiantly to help him feel safe. Colwyn’s disruptive behaviors were his body’s way of managing his neuroception of threat and trying to feel safe. The sticker chart was ineffective because every time he got another red dot, his stress increased, causing the emotional outbursts. In other words, these were bottom-up behaviors, not the result of his poor choices......."

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/2427/in-consultation/cfa5fb2c-1b19-405f-aa14-f745b4dd6979?utm_campaign=PN_R_WIR

Brain science will get us through!!!

This post is actually a response I made on another post.  I’ll also copy the original article which I think is not only outstanding, I wish all the professionals and doctors and everyone with kids, who works with kids could finally get on board with the science behind behaviors, truly brain science and so care for our kids who struggle can be better coordinated and a comprehensive  team approach to actually helping and supporting families, like ours.  Versus the old paradigm, as they call it, of behavior is something we must extinguish.  Behaviors of non compliance are always bad.  Kids with behaviors are bad and need to be punished.  Parents have “no control” over their children.

This narrow view (and many times ill informed) of behaviors just isn’t helpful, makes things worse and leaves families and kids very frustrated and can even have long term consequences, trauma because the child didn’t get what the child needed in times of distress during developmental years.

 Safety, connectedness and comfort is shown to be crucial to actually helping our kids.  We must educate teachers, caregivers, and the numerous professionals in the fields that work with children and stop pointing fingers, judging, and blaming parents or worse, blaming and shaming the kids.

Here is my comment and the. The article will be posted below
I highly recommend reading this article.

Love this!!!  I know it can be hard (first hand experience with our complicated son).  But it is so important to see our kids behaviors as not intentional and realize our kids are struggling in those moments.   My son frequently went to blue state shutdown.  We saw this as a very scary experience for us all.  But none of our professional team for so many years ever saw this as the serious event it is.  We were told over and over it was a delay tactic and a way for our son to avoid a task, etc.   NO!!!!     Thank you for writing this book and giving parents the tools to recognize and better understand their own children and the brain science behind what many of us parents experience all the time with behaviors from our kids.  I just wish schools and other professionals would get up to speed on all the brain science because as you know, behaviors are seen as an event to judge and assign a consequence.  And for so many of us, who can now recognize our kids behaviors most of the time, as a stress response (esp sensory in my sons case) we are better equipped to properly support our son and help him through connections and co regulating!!  We experienced his high need to co regulate from very early on (he has medical trauma since infancy) as well as autism, but advise from professionals and doctors, be more strict, have consequences, he’s manipulating you.  I’m glad we always walked away from those professionals.  But with so few understanding our son, and blaming us the parents, it was incredibly stressful and made things much more difficult and took our energy away from really helping our son.  Ultimately we knew our son best.  We needed to focus on helping him, and it was a 24/7 parenting marathon, unlike any other typical parenting.  But it’s what he needed.  Especially since he constituted to be in and out of the hospital several times a year, which caused regression every time.   And one step forward, then 2 steps backwards was difficult for him and our family.  We took joy in the littlest of experiences.  To see our son experience a moment of joy was the greatest gift as parents.  Laughter and togetherness is what has gotten us to this point.  He will be 16 in June.  I share your book and the ideas of brain science with our local parent support group, many who are parents with invisible disabilities and behavioral issues.  If I could go back 14 years with the knowledge I have now, well, hind sight is 20/20!  But I want to help support other parents who are struggling, getting advice that they instinctively don’t agree with (reward, consequences, charts, points, etc....without being able to really understand is the behavior intentional?  Or is it a stress response?  Especially right now during a global pandemic.
Thank you for all you do for our families, professionals and our kids!!!  Our kids can be successful!!!!!  💜💜

https://unyte.com/blogs/news/why-a-child-s-behavior-is-not-what-you-think-it-is

Homeschooling vs. crisis schooling during a pandemic

Excellent blog homeschooling vs crisis schooling.    Everyone right now is crisis schooling.  It is not easy for anyone even veteran homschoolers!!!

......."Don't artificially create busy work to do school for 6 hours a day. That is soul sucking, will anger and bore your child and make you tear your hair out. When you're done, you're done! Go do some fun things! Or... even crazier... have fun learning! See my next point. ........"

https://www.heatheranneworld.com/post/homeschooling-is-not-the-same-as-crisis-schooling-advice-during-coronavirus-covid-19-shut-downs

But my kids therapies!!!!!

I keep hearing so much from parents who are very concerned for their kids and what about all their during this emergency crisis!

Here is my response to a recent question about “what about my kids therapies?”


Of course this all sucks, but my comment for everyone (cause I know this is on everyone’s mind) and as wonderful as all of our kids therapists are, as incredible as their speech therapy, OT sessions, counseling, ABA and anything else others do to help support our kids in their daily lives, and although everyone’s lives are literally upended in a way none have us have ever experienced I want every parent reading this to know
Your child only needs you!!!!  As parents, all the therapies were also big lessons for us.  We learn how to help support our child in a particular area that’s being worked on.  You already know so much, you just need to keep doing everything you are doing.  Will it be hard, absolutely, but everything the therapists do for your child, is probably already done at home with you, the parents.
Is it a change in routine that will be hard at first, yep!   But this is a chance to create a new routine, involve your child , if they are able, and make it fun and engaging.  That’s what therapists do, we all have watched them work magic at times.  Now it’s in our hands, the parents.  It doesn’t have to be scary or overwhelming.  Quite the opposite.  It can be a time of connection and engagement.  This naturally all leads to learning.  Learning isn’t just sitting at a desk, doing a worksheet, it can look so different.  This different actually is  more likely to engage your child to want to keep learning.  Learning doesn’t have to occur between 8-2pm.  It can occur any time.  In fact, you might find a more optimal time that your child is more alert and enjoys participating in learning activities.

My point with all this:  embrace this opportunity.  Nobody has a choice.  But we do have a choice to do what our kids need.  And their needs will change during this time of uncertainty.  Everyday is not going to productive.  That is okay!  We need to maybe lower expectations for ourselves, and recognize that again, kids learn through play!!  Play a game, play cards, cook together.  There are no limits.  It all makes a difference and is every therapy that supports our children.
We all just need to be creative and think outside of the box that we know.  Have confidence.  You are all that your children need!  Period.  It is a time to slow down, get back to basics and really take each moment as it comes.  Everyone here-  You got this!!!   And we are all here for each other!  So no one is alone!  We can all share ideas and resources.  🙏💙 to all the parents!!!

Autism life is already isolating

As if our Autism world isn’t isolating enough, with the rapidly developing Pandemic upon us, I put together a list of family friendly educational documentaries and TV shows that have been apart of our Autism world for the last 10 years.  Besides homeschooling our son for 9 years, our family naturally enjoys these types of programs, we watched together especially when the kids were much younger and it created a “family together time” and helped all our children become life long learners.  The engagement we experienced by  watching these shows together, we found it supported our son and created an environment where he could be present, calm and safe.  This connection our entire family created helped us all in so many ways.  I treasure those moments.  I know those moments helped all of us.  I know these moments helped all our kids and fostered the love to learn and that screen time doesn’t have to be considered negative.  It can be utilized to support, engage and be connected to each other.  Which is so critical when supporting our kids with neurodiversity.  Connections and compassion are crucial to help them be successful.  I will continue to post on other suggestions and helpful ideas, especially now that so many schools are closed and parents are now in a position of  having to support their children in many aspects of their lives now that they are home, isolated from their usual routines.  This is a time our kids need us now more than ever.  The difference that watching something educational together is not only a wonderful shared experience, but fosters our children’s innate passions for learning.  

My families recommended educational documentaries that are family friendly.  

Disclaimer:  all children are unique and what their sensitivities are when viewing shows.  Use your own discretion regarding these recommendations.    (*indicates favorites)

1. National Geographic shows (nat geo channel). *
2. BBC earth. *
3. National Geographic kids. *
4. History channel (more for older kids)
5. Bill Nye.   (billnye.com).    Save the world (Netflix). Bill Nye science Guy (Netflix).  Public library has a great video collection.  *
6. Disney nature
7. Magic school bus (Netflix). *
8. PBS nature.  (PBS.com). *
9. brain pop.com. *
10. Nova. *
11. nasakids.com ( NASA climate kids, solar system. NASA.gov, *
12. Cosmos
13. Impossible engineering show. *
14. Engineering disasters show
15. California Gold by Huell Howser (PBS). *
16. Weather channel. ( Extreme Weather). *
17. Dream Big— Engineering our *
18. Dangerous Animals
19. Nature channel. *
20. How’s it made?  Tv show. *
21. Science channel (what on earth?) *
22. Discovery channel
23. Animal Babies show
24. Nat geo wild. *
25. The Blue planet. *
26. Wild Keats (PBS)
27. Zoboomafoo (PBS). *
28. How the Universe works. *
29. How the Earth was made *
30. Planet Earth. *
31. Earths Natural Wonders *
32. California Academy of sciences.org. *
33. Online.kidsdiscover
34. Cloud docu-series (Wild Stallion of the Rockies). PBS